Online
Dating Magazine > Columns > Dating
From the Inside Out > 87
Dating From the Inside Out
by Susan
S. Davis
Truth
Matters in Online Dating
In
this day and age, technology has connected us to
things we’d never imagined possible: information,
activities, ideas, and, of course, ways to find possible
romantic prospects. The nature of romance is very
personal, and, as such, with the advent of online
dating, there was a bit of skepticism, which still
exists today. Even with the outgrowth of reputable
services, there are still those who are cynical about
the prospect of meeting someone through an Internet
venue.
The
above is just one of the reasons that above all,
to be successful in online dating, honesty is of
the utmost importance. It is tempting to become a
different entity online, because it is so easy to
do it. People have been known to do everything from
tell little white lies about themselves, to craft
elaborate stories about who they are, all in the
name of being accepted by another person enough to
be found suitable as a potential date. But those
who are savvy online daters, know that the truth
is the only way to go. The more honest one is about
themselves on every level, the better chance of actually
finding someone to connect with.
Why
does the truth matter so much in the online dating
arena? First and foremost, it’s a common sense
issue. Whomever it is that is being deceived, will
find out eventually, so isn’t it just better
to be honest in the first place? The reality is that
no one likes the bait and switch game. The cliché of
do unto others, really does apply here. No one likes
to be lied to. And misrepresentation, no matter how
miniscule it may seem, can only serve as a catalyst
to harbor resentment later. Often, once a person finds
out about a lie, they have a very difficult time ever
trusting the person caught in it, again. And this is
unfortunate, because oftentimes, the person telling
the fib, is actually, for the most part, a very good
person and could be a great candidate in general, for
dating.
The
most problematic thing about lack of truth telling
when it comes to online dating, is that on a very
basic level, anyone who finds it okay to indulge
in it, demonstrates questionable character and ethics.
Lying is lying, no matter what the reason may be, and
still serves to create an atmosphere of distrust. And
there is almost nothing more damaging than that, when
it comes to interpersonal relationships, dating and
romance. In addition, lying is just not a good way
to start any relationship.
Many
people, when asked what the number one deal breaker
for them when it comes to romance is, will indicate
that it is something to do with misinterpretation.
Many issues that couples deal with, are actually,
at the very heart of them, truth issues. Whether
it is infidelity, or something less innocuous, many
of the more problematic issues that couples face,
have to do with telling the truth.
Basically,
the fact that anyone finds it acceptable to be less
than truthful online, would most likely have no trouble
being untruthful in other circumstances, which makes
them less likely to be trusted in general. If you
take away trust, there is no foundation for any interpersonal
relationship, upon which to build.
The
world is filled with people who want their needs
met, some by whatever means necessary, it would seem.
However tempting it may be, unfortunately, lack of
honesty is not easily overcome.
The
truth is even more important in online dating, because
it is already an area that has been rife with skepticism,
so dishonesty only fuels that fire. While the truth
may scare what appears to be a great potential partner
away, or cause them to rush to judgment or assumptions,
half-truths, omissions and outright lies, always
prove to be much more problematic.
Think
of it as misrepresentation of the worst kind - because
interpersonal relationships are fragile to begin
with. So untruthfulness just makes the whole process
more daunting. The reality is that we all have a
variety of challenges to face in our lives and entering
into a new relationship - whether casual or with
more permanency in mind, deserves to be treated with
the kind of respect we all know that we desire -
and that includes, being truthful.
The
real issue then, is how to deal with telling the truth
without compromising ourselves, and knowing exactly
what to say and when. Much information may be revealed
in such a way, that the message gets across, often
in the essay portion of a profile, so that there is
no question where we stand on issues, and what our
background is.
Keeping
in mind that we are all human and that we are not
alone in whatever we’ve had
to face, it just could be, that the person you seek,
is understanding of certain issues, even possibly having
dealt with them also. In fact, many people find new
friendships through adversity. Any truly intelligent,
worthwhile person, is not looking for perfection, because,
ultimately, there is no such thing as perfection in
the human element.
Dating
is an emotional experience, which is another reason
why truthfulness is so important. It only makes sense
that someone who is recovering from something, may
feel that they can best relate to another person
in the same situation, however, whether or not that
is a good idea, depends upon the people involved.
For example, someone challenged with parenting may
be looking for someone as interested as they are
in finding healthy solutions for their children.
Whatever
the issue is that you are dealing with, sharing the
story may actually prove helpful in finding a supportive
partner. Ultimately, that could be much more beneficial
than simply connecting with someone to spend some time
with. In reality, if a situation scares someone away,
logically, that person is not the right partner to
focus on.
A
person’s perspective on challenges
will also serve to distinguish viewpoints, from negative
to more positive. Looking at issues from the vantage
point of learning and growing from them, is a stance
that is much more likely to attract like-minded individuals
who realize that one can actually benefit from the
wisdom that they may have acquired, from what they
have faced, vs. seeing the situation as a negative
or downside to their life.
Knowing
that facing challenges can create more capable, appreciative,
compassionate, forgiving, and spiritually enhanced
individuals, also can make one more confident, which,
in and of itself, can be an enormous asset in terms
of attractiveness.
It
is important to remember, that generally, people
are far more interested in a relationship with someone
who faces and handles problems, and learns and grows
from them, than with someone who resorts to victimizing
themselves.
The
more that we honor ourselves for the strides that
we have made, and for who we are, the more confident
in sharing ourselves with others that we can be.
And what it comes down to, is facing the truth about
ourselves, who we are, and where we want to go, so
that we can connect on the most important levels
with humanity. Facing where we have been is equally
as important as knowing where we are and where we
want to go. Once we determine what path we’ve
taken, we can better understand how to get to our desired
destinations, in all facets of our lives, which, of
course, includes one of the more beneficial and spiritually
enriching areas - romance.
Susan
S. Davis is a published book author
and writer, currently doing research for a romantic
screenplay she is writing. Her Dating
From The Inside Out column
is published every Tuesday.
> Perfectmatch.com - The best approach to find the one.
<
All
Online Dating Magazine content, including the content on this page,
is ©
copyright by Online Dating Magazine and may
not be
republished or reused in any form. You do have
full permission to link to this article.
Do you agree or disagree with this
article? Have
more to add? Submit a Letter
to the Editor today or post a comment below.
|