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Dating From the Inside Out
by Susan S. Davis

The Power of the Mindset

Any self-help system or guru will confirm that we all ultimately determine what kind of success that we experience for ourselves. Not based on any judgment other than an individual’s, success is not dependent upon materialistic measurements. For many, of course, success is the journey, itself, and not necessarily the destination.

Having a healthy mindset involves turning thoughts to positive, healthy topics, as opposed to negative types of impulses that may come our way. Regardless of how advanced we are, most of us usually wind up at some time in our lives, becoming the “victim” of some person or situation that is less than positive.

Sometimes, we are in a position to ignore it; other times, we must deal with it, whether we like it or not. But either way, we really do have choices, more than we know. It may seem like we don’t, but we really do. Anyone who says that they “have” to have some negative influence in their lives is themselves, someone to limit involvement with. This is because, that is precisely the type of attitude that keeps people from succeeding; both the person with the attitude, and the unfortunate person(s) surrounding them.


When there are conflicting impulses in our lives, it affects every aspect of our lives. It would stand to reason then, that the most delicate part of our lives, that revolving around interpersonal relationships, might be one of the most effected. Therefore, if someone is trying to enhance that area of their lives, and it is too hard to confront or just doesn’t seem to be happening, it could be because of outside influences that are blocking it from happening.

Probably the most important thing that we can do for ourselves in our life is to surround ourselves with positive life forces, which cause a ripple effect of other circumstances that will serve to help ourselves, and those in our paths, with the types of energy necessary to accomplish those things that are important to us. And there is almost nothing healthier than that.

Statistics have shown that those who engage in positive energy connections, and eliminate as much negativity as possible, are the kinds of people who succeed at whatever it is they wish to accomplish. This could be because, by the very nature of negative energy, it is an obstruction. It is a hurdle. It is a cross to bear. And sometimes, it is so heavy, that it is the only thing that we may have energy to deal with. And that will keep precious time and energy away from the most important things in our lives – from our goals, to our relationships, to our own personal development. It is such a simple concept, yet many people never really get it.

Consider that instead of listening to all of the voices and opinions that conflict with our own goals, purposes and life outlook, why not instead, put forth an effort to connect with those who share your interests and energy? When you think about it, most of the information and people whose data and life-force does not match your own, is coming from a place that knows nothing about you; or is so far off base about who you are, that most of what they are expounding upon, is totally irrelevant to your life.

In fact, listening too hard and long to conflicting information can do so much harm to you, that it can actually interfere with your own thoughts. Soon, you could find yourself adopting opinions and life-ideals, that have nothing to do with you, who you are, what you want to be or what you desire to be doing. “We are our friends.” “We are what we choose to surround ourselves with,” is entirely true. We often start believing what other people tell us, even if we know in our hearts that it is not true. That cliché saying, “To thine own self be true,” definitely applies here.

If you find that you have become a “victim” of negative influence, the best thing that you can do for yourself, is to take your power back. You are much more in control of your own life than you may ever realize. You can actually train your mind to look at all the positive aspects of life. But usually, it first takes eliminating negative influences.

If it doesn’t seem that simplistic, that is probably because you haven’t tried it. The reality is that it is probably one of the simplest things that we, as human beings, can do. A mindset, after all, is actually another word for attitude. An attitude can be as basic as a conversation with yourself.

Just as you can choose to feel better and happier by optimizing your nutrition, you can do the very same thing with regard to your own mentality. The options of the mindset are predicated upon the consequences of how healthy we live our lives, on all levels – including physical, mental, spiritual, and psychic.

All successful people, however, do have one thing in common, and that is a very basic determination. And after that, comes the knowledge that it is important to disallow anyone from interfering with that determination. Though it is not always a conscious decision, the seed that leads to action, is to first determine.

If you find that you are muddled in your thinking, it is often due to having conflicting information and sources, which is sometimes connected to people. Some questions that you may want to ask yourself to sort it all out, could be:

1) When did you begin to choose the life you are leading now?

2) When did you decide on the situation you’re in, and against the situation you actually want?

3) When did you decide that the situation you’re in is the best that you could do? Did you actually make those decisions, or did someone else? Ultimately, whose life are you living?

By learning to ask yourself the right questions, you can take the steps to find the right answers.

Determination and belief are the starting points for success in anything. They open us up to new opportunities to do and be anything that we desire. By learning how the mind works, we begin to understand how to break the cycles that keep us on the outside looking in, instead of where we truly want to be.

When you think about it, whom we connect with romantically, is one of the most personal things that we will ever do in our lives. It is no secret, that those who have difficulty doing that are often hard pressed to embrace their own spiritual energy, as well.

By developing the right instincts and learning how to handle them, how they interact with one another, we can better focus on our spiritual and romantic goals. Once that happens, there is little doubt that we will more easily connect with people who can touch our hearts, as well as our minds.

Susan S. Davis is a published book author and writer, currently doing research for a romantic screenplay she is writing. Her Dating From The Inside Out column is published every Tuesday.

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