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Dating From the Inside Out
by Susan S. Davis

The Spiritual Nature of Gender

There is a spiritual nature of the genders, that it helps to understand, when dealing with romance, whether it be with the opposite sex, or same sex. There are theories that are simply stated, though can require a special perspective to truly appreciate.

How does this relate to romance? What significance does it have to ‘falling in love’? How does it reflect the relationship between men and women?

The infinite concepts of male and female, are easily defined. Understanding the infinite idea of "male" is relatively straightforward, while the infinite idea "female" is a bit more subtle and elegant, which requires a somewhat more refined spiritual sensibility in order to be fully comprehended.


Of course, most everyone is not entirely one gender in their makeup; that is, there are both feminine and masculine traits in everyone. That is the first theorem to embrace, when discussing the subject of gender identity. One of the pitfalls of fully understanding gender identity is that we do, indeed, usually tend to identify ourselves with just one gender or the other. Therefore, we need to accept that in order to understand the spiritual completeness of our own individual identity, we should begin to recognize the existence of both genders within ourselves, to approach the infinite idea of it more fully.

Most all of the reference for observations about male and female, has been men and women themselves. In order to understand the realm of the spiritual relationship of the genders, we need to move way beyond that point. Much of the information that we incorporate into our lives about the male and female is based upon the physical. Even mental and psychic qualities, seem to be rooted in the physical. However, male and female are spiritual qualities that make up wholeness, and every individual has some level of claim to both, through their own personal spiritual identity.

The qualities and rights of both female and male belong fully to each individual, regardless of the actual human gender one was born with. Our identity is most often usually only seen humanly, in a very limited way, by individuals appearing either as males or females. But this limited view usually cannot interfere with the completeness of our actual spiritual identity.

Beyond the typical restrictive stereotypes, history is peppered with evolutionary, agricultural, and climatic forces, designed to create their own unique, somewhat biased slants on what is required of human beings in general. It is not wise to look to isolated historical periods for gender models, for that reason.

Is there a human male-female paradigm that lies beyond the individual cultures of the world? Eastern and Western cultures have devised models for women and men, which have been heavily criticized, no matter how socially functional they may appear, within or even outside of the culture they were designed for.

The cultural or religious models have at some point, become cages in which people become trapped. Some models are highly simplistic, easy to adapt to, even comforting on a certain level. One doesn’t need to apply much of a thought process, in order to understand the very basic gender theorems, and they can serve to maintain social order, reflecting an obvious patriarchal interest.

Even models espoused by feminist women, appear to be adaptations of older, more structured models. We live in times of extraordinary change, while our exposure to ever-changing ideologies of gender can be overwhelming. New gender models, in which men and women are free to evolve by their own independent structures, have become more and more prevalent.

The typical mythological archetypes, coupled with psychological knowledge, has generated new patterns which offer an interesting experiment with regard to gender in life.

With regard to the position of gender attributes, it is preferable for men and women to create their own models. However, though it may appear as an obvious way to break new ground, the new models can themselves, become doomed to become prisons, as the structured ones before them.

The problem with the new gender models, is that they represent smaller versions of what we actually are, which can be limiting, by the very nature of the fact that they are also defined.

Infinity defined, of course, presumes endlessness and wholeness. The wholeness of infinity presumes a natural experience of oneness of the male and female. This concept can encourage close relationships between males and females, completeness and satisfaction as to individual identity, and even a social progress that may recognize the natural equality among individuals of all genders. While that sounds like a utopian goal, nonetheless, it is believed that it can exist.

Individual identity is a likeness associated with the infinite, and each individual's spiritual identity includes all the qualities of both male and female. As our spiritual growth proceeds, this concept becomes increasingly more apparent. The male and female qualities of the infinite are inherent in the spiritual identity of every individual woman and man, girl and boy. It is that starting point, from which gender may be understood at the level of the infinite.

The male and female have aspects of knowledge as they relate to infinite conception and elimination. While religions have historically tried to address the male aspect of the spiritual idea, they have historically understood little about the female aspect until recently.

The infinite idea of male is relatively easy to comprehend. The male aspect of infinity provides the word and substance of creation. The female aspect of infinity defines a seemingly perfect place and forever time.

While the masculine ego is able to provide the essence and words of good, the feminine side provides a willingness and definition of a safe place, giving form to infinite conception, enforcing the knowledge of what may be missing.

As human beings, we experience a perpetual duality, which can translate into a sort of distorted gender reality. We experience ‘division’ in terms of mutual patterns of attraction and aversion, which can be destructive. As a result, our relationships with each other often reflect our estranged relationship with enlightenment.

According to some spiritualists, the primary difference between women and men lies in the reversal of the outer and inner qualities of being. Women have outer wisdom qualities and inner compassion qualities. Men have outer compassion qualities and inner wisdom qualities. When these qualities are realized, we can dance together, embracing an energy that can mirror each other. When the realization is not present, it is evident in the lack of connection.

If we can understand that each and every one of us inhabits both male and female gender qualities, it can be easier to relate with each other as human beings.

By more fully understanding how gender plays a part in our lives, we may be able to better understand ourselves. And a more clear understanding of who we are, can only enhance the process of relating with each other, including the most intimate type of human relating – dating, romance, and love.

Susan S. Davis is a published book author and writer, currently doing research for a romantic screenplay she is writing. Her Dating From The Inside Out column is published every Tuesday.

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