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Dating From the Inside Out
by Susan
S. Davis
Spirit
Versus Ego Based Dating
Spirit-based
personal guidance is defined as an intuitive impulse
that comes from an internal mechanism, which is ultimately
grounded in goodness, or love.
In
contrast, "ego-based" guidance
comes from the "smaller self" – and
is usually hindered by fear and survival aspects.
Therefore, this type of guidance can put a person
or others in situations that are less than positive,
that can actually lead to detrimental circumstances.
Because of this, ego-based guidance is usually not
considered genuine, relevant, constructive guidance,
since the path it often leads to is, in essence,
destructive.
The
means by which we may receive guidance are many.
Each method is subject to it's own advantages or
drawbacks. Some of the ways in which guidance may
be received include: The mind’s eye (sometimes
compared to a type of clairvoyance); hearing voices
through the mind’s ear (or clairaudient - clear
hearing) - hearing your own or other’s voices,
in the mind's ear (clairsentient - clear feeling)
- emotional/physical sensations (claircognizant -
clear knowing) and finally, through all of the above
channels, also known as clairomni (clear channel).
It
is considered that both spirit and ego-based guidance,
has an essence that is created from a developed understanding
about what is in one’s best interests. In other
words, it is believed that both the spirit and ego
wish to protect and serve us. However, it is how each
type of guidance goes about its service to the individual
that differentiates one from the other.
While
it is believed that ego-based guidance utilizes the
more "tried-and-true" method
of keeping one safe and protected, the ego-based way
seemingly contains more of the reasons why one shouldn’t,
and often simply cannot, proceed to do something.
Spirit-based
guidance generally encourages one to take departures
from the safer methods of doing things, in order that
it is possible to take a path that will be exceedingly
more beneficial. As a result, spirit-based endeavors,
as a whole, are usually far more care-based, leaving
a feeling of energizing upliftedness.
As
a rule of thumb, ego-based guidance will almost always
choose joy over safety. The ego is generally concerned
with having joy in the future, as opposed to immediate
happiness. This could be why the ego manifests more
of a cunning in terms of developing a strategy that
is more permanent in nature. This is also how ego
justifies its methods, which can often be less than
appealing – with
an attempt to show that it is all “better in
the long run,” when in fact, nothing can be further
from that assumption.
Spirit-based
guidance is usually more predicated upon attaining
joy immediately, creating a balance of sorts. While
recognizing that it may be necessary to endure some
temporary inconvenience, as a form of sacrifice for
a more permanent overall accomplishment, the methods
are almost never as harsh as those dealt by the ego.
In contrast, the spirit works to minimize the inconvenience,
and maximize overall gain, in order to produce a
joyful situation faster – while
maintaining as much pleasantness as possible.
While
the spirit acts from integrity, always telling the
truth, the ego has the ability to be extremely crafty
and manipulative. Straying from the path of safety,
ego will alter the truth with faulty information, which
ultimately fosters arguments, consistently offering
the worst-case scenarios, in an effort to control the
situation, all under the guise of getting back to "safety.”
However,
the spirit is well aware of the fact that all fears
are merely false evidence making an attempt to appear
real. Since the spirit only needs to tell the truth
because it is the only way that it is aware that freedom
can exist, it always acts from the highest level of
truth which inherently feels correct.
In
fact, one of the very ways that one can be certain
of the fact that it is spirit that is the main objective
of a certain type of guidance, is that spiritually-based
contact feels good.
Ego
is generally not concerned with success, but rather “safety,” and not necessarily
the safety for the good of all. Usually, the safety
ego is concerned with, is merely the security of the
ego itself, rather than any particular interest of
a group or other individual. While safety may seem
like a lofty enterprise, it can also be used as a means
of controlling a situation to its advantage.
The
spirit usually suggests actions, which serve to empower
everyone within its radius. Being that it is collaborative
in nature, spirit concerns itself with win-win, rather
than singularly winning goals. While ego tends to advance
interests at the expense of others, it also allows
one to win over others, so that there is always a “loser.”
The
gratitude and state of thankfulness associated with
the spirit, is part of what attracts the good into
life. Ego, on the other hand, always focuses on what
one does not have, complaining about what is "lacking" in
life. The ego’s focus is to attempt to trick
one into believing that the only way that abundance
will occur is through acquiring what belongs to someone
else.
Spirit-based
inclinations, are those which are always communicated
in a clear, easy-to-understand manner - while those
that are ego based, seek to confuse, sometimes with
facts, so that it can achieve it's own agenda. The
spirit is always gentle, acting in friendship. Ego
is generally more like a controlling, demanding,
lecturing parent, dictating, rather than asking any
questions.
The
spirit is supportive, motivating to achieve the goals
and dreams, to connect with the greatest joy. Uniqueness
is supported through encouragement. Ego is only concerned
with its only agenda, and is greatly threatened by
the spirit.
While
the spirit wishes for personal fulfillment, ego looks
toward its own growth, disregarding anyone else’s. Another
drawback to the ego-driven, ultimately “lose-lose” strategy,
is that it generally harms others in its path, and
creates bad overall karma.
Ultimately,
the spirit has the ability to demonstrate how we
can be equal and at one with others, as opposed to
being better or worse. Therefore, the capacity of
the spirit can develop into cohesive, collaborative
situations, as opposed to one that is combative in
nature. Since spiritually based collaborative attributes
are the best types for working within groups, it
stands to reason, that those very same qualities
are also beneficial when it comes to involving another
individual, in a partnership of any type. Of course,
this includes the most intimate and private of joint
ventures, dating and love.
Nearly
all of the time, any endeavor that is ego-based, has
attached to it, ramifications that may later be regretted,
by someone, whether it is an outside person involved,
or the actual person who allowed an ego-based situation
to exist.
When
one understands the basis of spirit and ego driven
actions, those principals may be applied to most
any situation found in life, including romantic involvements.
Using spiritually based principals to guide dating
and romance decisions, can be one of the best ways
to determine which situations are best overall for
ourselves. The next time there is question or doubt
as to whether a particular person or involvement is
actually a good idea to pursue, asking whether it could
be considered ego or spirit based, may be a good way
to determine whether or not it should be continued.
Susan
S. Davis is a published book author
and writer, currently doing research for a romantic
screenplay she is writing. Her Dating
From The Inside Out column
is published every Tuesday.
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