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Dating From the Inside Out
by Susan S. Davis

The Spiritual Partnership in Relationships

In the 1960s and 70s, fairness and equality were prevalent in society, because we were still trying to develop ourselves past the rigid role-based doctrines of the 1950s. Since those eras have passed, we are in a much better position, to move beyond fairness and equality, to a more evolved, universal approach: the Spiritual Partnership.

Any form of spirituality, begins with the individual first. After that, we can begin to develop the same type of focus with other relationships in our lives. The very first “spiritual partnership,” therefore, should be developed within yourself.

The first step in developing a spiritual partnership within yourself, focuses on eradicating negative energy. Rather than engage in negative thought or action, within yourself or toward another, instead, try putting that energy toward the thoughts you wish to be having, the life you wish to be living, and the types of relationships that you wish to be involved in.



A good way to begin, is to make a solemn pact within yourself, for a specified period of time, such as a few days or a week, in which you will eliminate all negative energy – such as critical, demanding or otherwise destructive thought or involvement with anyone who engages in it.

If it is impossible to refrain from being around all negativity, then it is usually at least possible to simply limit, in some way, the connection to those types of individuals or situations. It is advisable, in the long run, that steps be taken to develop a plan to eradicate any influences that are based in negativity, on as near permanent a basis, as possible.

This does not mean that you should disengage from all negative situations, and never seek to rectify an adverse situation; it just means that the approach to handling it is different. Focus more on the solution, than the problem itself. In order to fix something, it is not necessary to assign the situation more relevance than it needs to have, by engulfing yourself in it.

One of the first things that you will most likely discover, is how often negative, critical, or demanding commentary is made by yourself and others, often without even realizing it. Negativity saps energy and drags people down to such a degree, that it can severely impact the quality of life surrounding everyone in its path.

If we all stop ourselves before a negative thought is even completed, let alone verbalized, we can begin to realize it quickly enough to eradicate and actually change the course of an activity, day, week, month -- or for as long as you wish.

For decades now, we have made the mistake of applying the rules of the marketplace to relationships. While sometimes those strategies may work, it is important to keep in mind that goal of the marketplace is to advance, sometimes irrespective of whom gets squashed in the process. The purpose of love, however, is to engage in a very human connection, and to effectively, love.

The premise of the spiritual partnership, is to effectively base all behavior in the most spiritual, loving way possible. When situations arise, it is much more appropriate, rather than simply apply problem solving techniques, to resort to a question such as “On a spiritual level, how should I behave in accordance with my spiritual value system to handle this situation?"

The basis of any spiritual partnership, is respect. And respect is based upon understanding. Understanding is a method that involves comprehending and communicating. True communication, embraces other viewpoints. This is where the spiritual partnership comes into play. In order to have a true bonding of this type, one must submit to accepting other viewpoints than their own, and consider the feelings and thoughts of another person.

A good way to begin to develop spiritual partnerships with others, once you’ve developed the one within yourself, is to try erasing from the mind and life, the concept of “fair and equal,” instead focusing on the effectiveness of the result that you want. Define the goals of the types of relationships you want to develop. There is a saying that pop psychologists have used, that while a bit cliché, can still offer wisdom: “Do you want to be “right,” or do you want to be happy? It really does make a difference, which one you choose.

Being “right,” usually involves making someone else “wrong” in the process. How does that align with your overall goal? Isn’t there a way to get your point across without undermining the very thing that you are trying to develop, by insisting on negative impulses to drive a certain issue home?

When you make these inner shifts, and begin to view situations more on a spiritual level, the relationships in your life will begin to change along with your point of view. Problems may become less and less, as you determine your relationships as spiritual alignments. Almost miraculously, you will attract, as the law of attraction dictates, more positive involvements and alignments.

You may find that more creative ways of dealing with most of the day to day issues that arise in your life materialize, as a more spiritual purpose of your relationships emerge.

By focusing more on what it is that you are trying to accomplish, you can steer clear of some of the negative energy that can be so damaging. If your goal is to truly enrich your life with positive relationships, then it will be easy to embark upon focusing on that goal. Just always keep it in mind, in the forefront, what it is that you are trying to accomplish as you go through your day. You may be amazed at how quickly the roadblocks may even disappear, seemingly all on their own.

Here is something to think about. Whether happy and satisfied with your present social situations or not, the one powerful, simple strategy that may be used to create a more pleasant atmosphere overall, based on universal spiritual principles, is to develop spiritual partnerships with those individuals that you desire to align with in your life.

The reality is that spiritual partnerships, by their very nature, serve the core of our psyches. They do not rely upon the physical to determine their worth. They are based in the truth and beauty of genuineness; a throwback to honor, virtue, loyalty, and all of those “corny” things that seem to be so prevalent in old films, particularly those dealing with romance and happy endings. But make no mistake; when embraced, spiritual partnerships can be some of the most powerful ever formed. There is no binding contract that can exceed the loyalty associated with a spiritually based alignment, because they are not formed using legalese; they are based solely upon the integrity of intention.


In order to develop spiritual partnerships, it is not necessary to embrace religion. Spirituality is not dependent upon religious affiliation. It is, quite simply, only necessary to first, desire to make a dramatic positive impact on the quality of your relationships. In addition, this new intention, may or may not involve a partner. The first spiritual pact that you make, must be with yourself, largely because it is impossible to honor others, without first honoring yourself.

If you’re still not sure how to investigate the spiritual partnership – or of how it relates to finding love, a good well-known reference, is The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck. In the book, love is defined as "the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." When that theory is voluntarily embraced, the spiritual discipline of eradicating all negative, critical, or demanding comments, results in nurturing the spiritual growth of yourself, as well as everyone else around you.

Once the positive effects of spiritual partnerships blossom, you may be amazed at how simple, easy and effective the whole process is. Another great benefit to embracing the power of the spiritual partnership, is that on a karmic level, the door to greater quality social situations, relationships, and love, becomes more deserved.

Finally, another fantastic benefit that may be encountered, once the path to spiritual partnership has been established, is often a profound, extraordinary effect on other aspects of life, as well, as a sort of ripple effect begins to evolve in your entire daily life.

Susan S. Davis is a published book author and writer, currently doing research for a romantic screenplay she is writing. Her Dating From The Inside Out column is published every Tuesday.

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