Online
Dating Magazine > Columns > Dating
From the Inside Out > 61
Dating From the Inside Out
by Susan
S. Davis
The
Power of Praise in Relationships
It
is no secret, that usually, one can get more from
people, with honey, than with vinegar. And yet, few
people focus on the positive in terms of their dealings
with other people. Just as in friendships, any sort
of romantic involvement, is bound to do better, with
a more positive outlook, and more praise, than with
criticism.
Where
children are concerned, parents are often told of
the dramatic effects of different types of praise,
that can be had on a child's overall success. Specifically,
when confronting new challenges, researchers have
found that by praising children for their intelligence
and effort, amazing affects in terms of their willingness
to take on more difficult tasks, and the fact that
they were less likely to become discouraged, can
be accomplished easily. Experiments
involving students of every
socioeconomic class, with both
boys and girls, have shown
the importance of praise. In
addition, the concepts of "recognition" and "praise" have
been recognized as two very
important components for creating
a positive impact in organizations
and businesses.
Just
as in raising children and running
businesses, praise can positively
impact any interpersonal relationship.
Since praise has been documented
as so important, it is interesting
to address the reason why it
is so often withheld. Unfortunately,
it seems to be more often the
case, that people believe a
better performance or situation
will result, from a more critical
perception. Many people operate
under the misguided conception
that praising people will simply
breed complacency or vanity.
Lack
of praise, and repeated emphasis of negativity, can
gradually contribute to the
development of a way of thinking
(conscious or otherwise) that
indicates that something is
not worth the effort, or a
feeling of unworthiness, on
a deeper level.
The
word praise comes from the Latin verb "pretiare" (to
value highly). It is generally
noticed that those who know
how to give praise, also hold
themselves and others in high
regard. This is because people
who have the ability to offer
praise, often find it easier
to acknowledge mistakes and
accept new challenges, since
mistakes and uncertainty are
not perceived as evidence of
unworthiness.
Praise
can recognize effort as well as achievement.
It is especially important
not to confuse pride or love,
with what someone has or has
not done correctly. Otherwise,
it can become difficult to
separate approval from the
personal satisfaction to be
gained from someone’s
efforts.
In
addition, trying not to delay praise, and giving
credit where and when it is
due, can go a long way toward
avoiding misunderstandings
and injured feelings. A good
tactic is to acknowledge contributions
as a normal part of a conversation,
rather than being more obvious
about it.
Finding
different ways to recognize the good
in people, can prevent praise
from becoming mundane. Some
ways may include honoring someone's
achievement with a special
dinner, outing or an amusing
story or poem.
Shakespeare
has written, "There's
not one wise person among twenty
that will praise himself," which
is ironic, given the fact that
many of his characters were
not very content. Recognizing
the good in others is easier,
when we can see it in ourselves.
So,
how can we go about beginning to change a strategy
to focusing on the positive, from the negative?
Begin by viewing the 'Big Picture.'
Whenever the "little critic" starts
rehashing faults, reverse the
thought, realizing what the
real issue is, rather than
focusing on minute details
that have little impact on
the process as a whole, of
what it is that you are trying
to accomplish.
One
of the most important people you will ever
praise in your life, is yourself.
Regularly praising yourself
for the steps that you make
in exercising good judgment,
or for any action you have
taken towards meeting a goal,
can establish habits that will
foster further success, at
whatever you wish to accomplish.
In addition, it will be easier
to find good things to recognize
in others.
Just
as in business, people who have successful
interpersonal relationships
often are habitual in doing
an "inventory" of
their lives, where they review
current events; note how people
reacted towards them and where
improvement may be needed,
and where they can give themselves
praise. It is just as important
to praise for small improvements,
as well as big ones. Confidence
can grow, in accordance with
improvements.
In
the dating world, the impact that you
can make on someone, simply
from the way you interact with
them, is enormous. You may
not ever realize the influence
that you have over some, as
well as the influence others
have over you. And it is basically
all accomplished by language
and communication, the investment
of which usually reaps over
a thousand fold. Anyone who
understands the “pay
it forward” theory, can
attest to that.
While
you may not be able to change the attitudes
of everyone, you can encourage
all of the people you deal
with, on some level. And from
that vantage point, it will
be easy to see how well your
positive and encouraging praise,
can influence those around
you, and yourself. The final
benefit on interpersonal relationships,
is that like begets like.
Therefore,
any positive praise that you
indulge in a potential new
friend, can grow into a deeper
relationship, as well as having
a better chance of becoming
the type of romantic involvement
that you really want in your
life.
Susan
S. Davis is a published book author
and writer, currently doing research for a romantic
screenplay she is writing. Her Dating
From The Inside Out column
is published every Tuesday.
> Perfectmatch.com - The best approach to find the one.
<
All
Online Dating Magazine content, including the content on this page,
is ©
copyright by Online Dating Magazine and may
not be
republished or reused in any form. You do have
full permission to link to this article.
Do you agree or disagree with this
article? Have
more to add? Submit a Letter
to the Editor today or post a comment below.
|