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Dating From the Inside Out
by Susan S. Davis

The Effect of Patience in Dating

Even if you really, truly desire a life partner, significant other, or merely to expand your dating horizons, it’s important to remember that it’s “okay” to be single. Society puts a lot of emphasis on marriage and children, and many women, in particular, feel pressure as they approach the end of their childbearing years to hurry along the dating process and find a life partner. And even though that may be the case, one of the best ways to sabotage goals is to “want it too badly.” By “wanting something too badly,” a mode of desperation ensues that can often send the wrong singles to prospective men and women in the game of courtship.

Think of desperation like fear. Fear often translates into a form of negative energy that very easily can sabotage your dating or relationship goals. In the animal kingdom, for example, fear can be so powerful, that it can actually lead to the demise of an animal. Humans, like animals, can sense fear and desperation. While, where relationships are concerned, fear and desperation may not lead to physical demise, it may act as a repellant. In the world of courtship, desperation and fear are generally turn-offs. Therefore, be patient while either increasing your dating chances, or searching for your soul mate.


One of the best ways to learn to be patient, is to enjoy your life just as you would if you were either satisfied with your dating social life or involved with someone.

It really is not necessary to despair just because you don't have a date for the weekend or someone constant in your life. Even though it may not be apparent, being single actually affords you the opportunity to enjoy yourself in ways that being partnered may not. This is not to say that you should abandon your dating goals, but rather, to utilize the time that you are single to develop yourself and activities that help you to enjoy your life, as well as make you more desirable to a potential date.

Below are some strategies that may assist on remaining positive and proactive as you work on your dating or relationship goals:

Take Better Care of Yourself
Even if you are in top physical form, there is usually room for improvement physically, on some level. Really assess yourself, taking care to make personal goals for yourself that you can work towards. If you truly are “the best that you can be,” perhaps you can seek out physical activities that can give you more variety or enjoyment. Maybe there is a sport, dance or something that you’ve never tried that can provide a deviation to your normal routine, while serving as a way to meet some new people, as well.

Investigate New Activities
Many people are so busy with their careers, that they never find the time to try new things. Think about some of the things you always wished you could do, and set about doing them. If you can’t think of anything, check with your local community college, park or recreation service and see what kinds of courses are offered. Usually, everything from dance, cooking to computing lessons is offered. Not only will this help you focus on enjoying yourself, it’s a great way to meet new people.

Just because you’re single, doesn’t mean you can’t go on a trip. It’s usually more fun to go with a friend or family member, but it’s also quite all right to go by yourself. There are some people who routinely travel alone, even when they are in relationships. Traveling alone can be a good resource to clear your head, get some space and even help you define your own personal goals. Without the distraction of your daily life and career, sometimes profound wisdom can be found in different environs because some of the most life changing and enriching experiences can be had is traveling alone.

In addition to the general enrichment that travel can provide, traveling by yourself can build a confidence you may not have had beforehand, along with a whole new, fresh perspective. And, besides, when you return, you’ll have plenty to talk about with old and new friends, and may even make some new ones.

Enjoy the Moment

Probably the most important thing to remember is that life is for living. Learning to enjoy your own company will not only serve you well in life in general, but can make you more appealing to others, because enjoying yourself on your own can transcend a sense of well-being that will translate to contentment, again, a state of being that will attract other people.

Though it’s kind of a cliché, in actuality, everything does happen for a reason. The fact that you are alone could be because in reality, you aren’t ready to take part in the kind of dating life or partnership you seek. So taking the time to take better care of and enjoy yourself may help you to become the sort of person that will attract the kind of situation you desire.

The fact of the matter is, you wouldn’t want to be with someone just to be with them, so realize that it’s better to be alone than in many of the situations some of your partnered friends may be in.

Also, realize that once you begin to fill up your time with dates or a partner, the days of unplanned weekends and complete free time will probably become much more limited.

So, while you’re single, take the time to get to know yourself, emphasize your strengths and enjoy yourself. Because, when you feel good about yourself, it shows. Being positive about your life is equal to being confident. And besides fostering positive energy, confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a person can have when it comes to potential dating candidates and life partners.

Susan S. Davis is a published book author and writer, currently doing research for a romantic screenplay she is writing. Her Dating From The Inside Out column is published every Tuesday.

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