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Dating From the Inside Out
by Susan
S. Davis
The Effect of
Patience in Dating
Even if you really, truly desire a life
partner, significant other, or merely to expand your
dating horizons, it’s important to remember that
it’s “okay” to be single. Society
puts a lot of emphasis on marriage and children, and
many women, in particular, feel pressure as they approach
the end of their childbearing years to hurry along
the dating process and find a life partner. And even
though that may be the case, one of the best ways to
sabotage goals is to “want it too badly.” By “wanting
something too badly,” a mode of desperation ensues
that can often send the wrong singles to prospective
men and women in the game of courtship.
Think of desperation like fear. Fear often translates
into a form of negative energy that very easily can
sabotage your dating or relationship goals. In the
animal kingdom, for example, fear can be so powerful,
that it can actually lead to the demise of an animal.
Humans, like animals, can sense fear and desperation.
While, where relationships are concerned, fear and
desperation may not lead to physical demise, it may
act as a repellant. In the world of courtship, desperation
and fear are generally turn-offs. Therefore, be patient
while either increasing your dating chances, or searching
for your soul mate.
One of the best ways to learn to be patient, is to
enjoy your life just as you would if you were either
satisfied with your dating social life or involved
with someone.
It really is not necessary to despair just because
you don't have a date for the weekend or someone constant
in your life. Even though it may not be apparent, being
single actually affords you the opportunity to enjoy
yourself in ways that being partnered may not. This
is not to say that you should abandon your dating goals,
but rather, to utilize the time that you are single
to develop yourself and activities that help you to
enjoy your life, as well as make you more desirable
to a potential date.
Below are some strategies that may assist on remaining
positive and proactive as you work on your dating or
relationship goals:
Take Better Care of Yourself
Even if you are in top
physical form, there is usually room for improvement
physically, on some level. Really
assess yourself, taking care to make personal goals
for yourself that you can work towards. If you truly
are “the best that you can be,” perhaps
you can seek out physical activities that can give
you more variety or enjoyment. Maybe there is a sport,
dance or something that you’ve never tried
that can provide a deviation to your normal routine,
while serving as a way to meet some new people, as
well.
Investigate New Activities
Many people are so busy with
their careers, that they never find the time to try
new things. Think about
some of the things you always wished you could do,
and set about doing them. If you can’t think
of anything, check with your local community college,
park or recreation service and see what kinds of
courses are offered. Usually, everything from dance,
cooking to computing lessons is offered. Not only
will this help you focus on enjoying yourself, it’s
a great way to meet new people.
Travel
Just because you’re single, doesn’t mean
you can’t go on a trip. It’s usually more
fun to go with a friend or family member, but it’s
also quite all right to go by yourself. There are some
people who routinely travel alone, even when they are
in relationships. Traveling alone can be a good resource
to clear your head, get some space and even help you
define your own personal goals. Without the distraction
of your daily life and career, sometimes profound wisdom
can be found in different environs because some of
the most life changing and enriching experiences can
be had is traveling alone.
In addition to the general enrichment that travel
can provide, traveling by yourself can build a confidence
you may not have had beforehand, along with a whole
new, fresh perspective. And, besides, when you return,
you’ll have plenty to talk about with old and
new friends, and may even make some new ones.
Enjoy the Moment
Probably the most important thing to remember is
that life is for living. Learning to enjoy your own
company will not only serve you well in life in general,
but can make you more appealing to others, because
enjoying yourself on your own can transcend a sense
of well-being that will translate to contentment,
again, a state of being that will attract other people.
Though it’s kind of a cliché, in actuality,
everything does happen for a reason. The fact that
you are alone could be because in reality, you aren’t
ready to take part in the kind of dating life or partnership
you seek. So taking the time to take better care of
and enjoy yourself may help you to become the sort
of person that will attract the kind of situation you
desire.
The fact of the matter is, you wouldn’t want
to be with someone just to be with them, so realize
that it’s better to be alone than in many of
the situations some of your partnered friends may
be in.
Also, realize that once you begin to fill up your
time with dates or a partner, the days of unplanned
weekends and complete free time will probably become
much more limited.
So, while you’re single, take the time to get
to know yourself, emphasize your strengths and enjoy
yourself. Because, when you feel good about yourself,
it shows. Being positive about your life is equal to
being confident. And besides fostering positive energy,
confidence is one of the most attractive qualities
a person can have when it comes to potential dating
candidates and life partners.
Susan S. Davis is a published book author and writer,
currently doing research for a romantic screenplay
she is writing. Her Dating
From The Inside Out column
is published every Tuesday.
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