Evaluating Dating Prospects

Last week, with Integrating the Dating Goal Plan Into Your Life, we looked at how to utilize a dating goal plan to accomplish meeting dating prospects or partners. It’s easy enough to develop a plan, but putting it into action can be much more daunting. It takes specific action and a lot of perseverance, which can be challenging for a person with a demanding career or otherwise busy life. Having a plan really serves to help busy people streamline and focus their efforts so that goals can actually be accomplished. Once the plan is written and you start to set about completing each step, the rewards, aside from the satisfaction of accomplishment, can be very fruitful.

Many people experience a kind of panic when trying to find suitable dating prospects or a partner. It’s very easy to accept the first person that comes along that pays enough attention to us. People often settle for less for a variety of reasons. It’s important to keep from falling into the trap of desperation simply because of fear that a potential date or partner might be the last person available, or some other unwarranted reason.

Sometimes it’s hard to determine whether you’re really interested in someone, or you’re merely responding to his or her interest in you. It’s tricky to sort this out, but it can be done if you determine your own guidelines, appropriately evaluate what the most important things are to you in a person and stick to those parameters.

It’s a good idea to approach dating prospects the way an employer approaches job applicants or a casting director finds the right cast for a movie, play or commercial. Put simply, the “role” of “dating prospect,” even if short term, should have a few factors that will easily let you know if a person is suitable.

For example, what is your first impression of a person? How do you feel when talking to he or she? Does talking to he or she make you want to know more about the person, or be around them more?

Or does someone look great, but then fall short communicating? If that is the case, do you think you can overcome that by getting to know the person? If so, then it may be worth a try. This is critical, because ignoring the aspect of communication can lead to a completely inappropriate partner down the line.

If open communication is very important to you and it contributes greatly to chemistry, it’s probably a good idea to move on, unless you are content with knowing that down the line, sooner or later, you’re not going to be all that attracted to a person. On the other hand, a person who is closed off to you in that way may have other reasons for being so, i.e., they are involved, but don’t want to divulge it for some reason, or are really not interested in you, but can’t bring themselves to be “impolite” enough to say it, so they just choose to be a bit non-responsive to you. The reason why it’s so important to be open to and observant of potential partner’s signals in that regard is that these can be critical initial signals that can be especially telling as to aspects of someone’s personality. Either way, it all starts with the first exchange of communication.

Once, as above, you determine on a preliminary basis whether someone is even worth evaluating in terms of your dating goals, you can begin to start the process of finding out, through communication, what a person is all about to see if you’d like to get to know them better. One of the best ways to do this is by having mutual activities to take part in. In this way, you can spend time doing the things you enjoy, while making new friends and finding potential dates.

When you meet people through social networking, other opportunities can arise to get together with some people on a more intimate or one-on-one basis. For example, in a group that gathers for dancing, it’s very easy to approach people about perhaps having coffee afterward, and the like. Usually, a person who is open to that is not otherwise involved or it will come out in conversation over coffee, and you can get that question answered without the awkwardness that sometimes comes along with asking it directly.

As you begin to casually spend more time with people, some of the more important topics of conversation, such as what a person’s marital status, background, other interests, and career goals are, can give you a feel for whether a person’s overall life goals may match yours or not. These topics, while relatively serious, can be casually discussed and it is very possible to glean all kinds of information from general statements. It’s really not necessary to analyze every comment, and if you’re adept at observing and noticing clues, it will be very easy, very early on to determine how far your interest and to what level that interest will ultimately go with someone. This is an important part of the process for the person you have interest in, as well. Usually, having casual discussions about interests, career and goals is a clue to the other person that you are interested and that the reason you are asking about certain things is to sort out their overall availability and openness to getting to know you.

The bottom line is to have a good time meeting lots of new potential friends, and using those opportunities to “cast” the role of your romantic partner using your set of guidelines and really being aware of what those are and what your long term goals are. If it’s too early to have long term goals, that is fine, but also realize that some of the people you may be approaching and getting to know may have their own set of guidelines and goals as well, so be prepared to be on the other end of the spectrum in that regard. In other words, there is a potential chance that you yourself are being “auditioned” for a role in one of your prospect’s lives, as well. If that is the case, and you hit it off, you may have met your match, because what that signifies is that you’ve met someone who’s at least on your wavelength. Of course, there is also the chance that you will not fit someone else’s criterion as well, but it’s always nice to find that out early on so that you can move on. Either way, as long as you are alert, responsive and communicative, the whole process can be a lot of fun, and may turn out to be extremely rewarding.

Susan S. Davis is a published book author and writer, currently doing research for a romantic screenplay she is writing. Her Dating From The Inside Out column is published every Tuesday.

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