Online
Dating Magazine > Columns > A
Better You > 28

A Better You
by Jo Ann
Fore
Secure
Love
I
love you.
A
sweet, romantic sentiment. Most people long to hear
it. Three little words make a powerful implication.
They epitomize the intimacy of a relationship.
But
have you ever said those words prematurely, incorrectly,
or even manipulatively? Have you ever wished you
hadn’t said it? Sometimes – propelled
by a fear of losing someone they’re in relationship
with – people may feel a need to rush love.
A strong need for one’s emotions to be reciprocated
may prematurely accelerate a mere infatuation. The
drive persists to ignore red flags indicating ‘maybe
this isn’t the one.’ A growing fear of
rejection demands the relationship be taken to a
new level: one of professed love. However, the relationship
has now evolved from an insecure foundation, and
that can be a big problem. Insecurity
is one of the biggest contributors to poor relationship
choices. A lack of confidence to let the relationship
play out naturally creates a premature union, often
plagued with self-doubt.
Contemplate
retrospectively for a moment. Choose a relationship
that failed. Maybe you loved the person, maybe you
didn’t, or maybe
you just thought you did. Was the relationship allowed
to mature naturally? If not:
» Were
you happy or sad most of the time?
» Did
you feel good about yourself, or were you critical?
» Were
you confident or insecure?
» Overall,
did you enjoy life more or less because of the relationship?
Odds
are, if the relationship was a negative situation,
it was rushed. The sweetness of I love you pales quickly
when mixed with emotional pain, uncertainty, or cutting
words. If a relationship makes you feel worse about
yourself, something is not right.
So,
what is real love?
Let’s turn to one of my favorite, and most
reliable, tools to take a look at the meaning of the
word: The Dictionary. Love – according to Dictionary.com – can
be defined in many ways. (love. (n.d.). Dictionary.com
Unabridged (v 1.0.1). Retrieved October 21, 2006, from
Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/love)
» a
profoundly tender, passionate affection for another
person
» a
feeling of warm personal attachment
» sexual
passion or desire
» affectionate
concern for the well-being of others
» strong
predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything
» to
have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in
» to
need or require; benefit greatly from
Yet,
I don’t
know that even the dictionary has defined our subject
to my satisfaction. Over the years, I’ve discovered
that actions do speak louder than words. So, linguistics
aside, love – to me – is more of a behavior.
An action word rather than a noun. The words of a lover
are sweet to our ears, but the actions of one who loves
us are pleasing to the soul. When our mate is kind,
compassionate and gentle, a sincere love is possible.
Where there is trust, faithfulness,, and commitment,
a true love is probable. And when you have a mate who
supports you unconditionally, believes you, and always
has your best interest at heart – you are tugging
at the heart strings of genuine love. Contrary to popular
romantic notion, love isn’t always easy. It is
often a conscious choice. Ironically, the one who makes
the choice to love in this manner is often a very romantic
person.
Love
is patient
Love is kind
It does not envy
It does not boast
It is not proud
It is not rude
It
is not self-seeking
It is not easily angered
It keeps
no record of wrongs
Love does not delight in evil but
rejoices with the truth
It always protects,
Always
trusts,
Always hopes
Always perseveres
Love never fails
(1 Cor 13:4-8, NIV)
Note: The A Better You column will be on hiatus during
December, but will be back again starting January
6, 2007.
Jo
Ann Fore welcomes your comments about this article or suggestions
for material you would like to see in future articles.
Email her at: JoAnnFore@msn.com. A
Better You is published every Saturday.
> Perfectmatch.com - The best approach to find the one.
<
All
Online Dating Magazine content, including the content on this page,
is ©
copyright by Online Dating Magazine and may
not be
republished or reused in any form. You do have
full permission to link to this article.
Do you agree or disagree with this
article? Have
more to add? Submit a Letter
to the Editor today or post a comment below.
|