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A Better You
by Jo Ann Fore

Get to Know Yourself - Compatibility & Self Assessment

Allie is torn.

Does she marry the man everyone expects her to marry; or does she marry Noah – the man she has always loved and recently reconnected with after many years apart?

“What do you want?” Noah asks her.

The audience sits with bated breath watching a scene from The Notebook (New Line Cinema, 2004). What does Allie want? What will she decide?

If Allie knows who she is, and what she wants, the choice is simple.

Compatibility is Crucial
In real life it’s important to make our relationship choices based on who we are and what we want. I don’t mean superficially; I mean we need to make a choice based on who we are – at the core – as individuals.

Men are notorious for falling for women they are initially attracted to; while women have an uncanny ability to become attracted to the men they fall in love with. Most single men – if they are honest when asked – will say it’s important to them to find a woman with a pretty smile, a nice figure, and a sweet personality. While most women would have to admit they want a man who is honest and trustworthy, and looks as good in a pair of jeans as he does in a suit.

But does this selection process leave us satisfied in 10-15 years? If current divorce rates are any indication I would have to say, “No.”

I’ve heard it said, “I would rather want something I didn’t have than have something I didn’t want.” Actually, neither is ideal. If you will base what you want in a mate on who you are as an individual, it will give you a greater chance at a harmonious, long-lasting relationship.

Self Assessment

To discover who you really are and what you want, you have to be willing to ask some tough questions:

1. What are my life goals?
What gives you a sense of being alive? What inspires you? What do you want to do with your life? Where do you want to be in 5 years? In 10 years?

2. What is my value system?
What principles do you hold as right, or wrong? How do you feel about abortion, drugs, or homosexuality?

3. What are my political views?
Are you liberal, conservative, or could care less? How do you feel about current world issues?

4. What do I believe in?
Does religion matter to you? Are you Protestant, Catholic or some other faith?

5. What are my thoughts about marriage and a life partner?
Is the institution of marriage important to you? What does it mean to you?

6. What are my views on finances?
What is your current financial state? What are your goals? Do you have a workable budget? Do you have control of your money?

7. What are my lifestyle habits?
Are you a morning person? Can you stand someone who is/isn’t? Are you passionate about living in a particular area – the ocean or the mountains, and wouldn’t be happy elsewhere?

What You Need
Now, think about your potential relationship partner. Will they bring you closer to who you are and what you want; or will they pull you away? Being in harmony with your mate produces a more successful long-term relationship.

Michael Webb, author and authority on romance, maintains that, “An estimated 83% of divorces would not take place if couples asked each other the right questions.”

Many people find themselves unhappy in their relationship. It’s easy to blame the other person. But the discord could’ve been avoided if the relationship was handled correctly at the beginning. Knowing who are, at the core, allows you to select a more compatible partner.

If you know who you are, and what you want – your choice for a mate will be simple too.

Jo Ann Fore welcomes your comments about this article or suggestions for material you would like to see in future articles. Email her at: A Better You is published every Saturday.


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