Editorial: Learning from the Average Joe
by Joe Tracy, Publisher of Online Dating Magazine

(July 2005) Many people who consider themselves average in looks develop insecurities that end up having a much bigger impact in future potential relationships than looks. Part of that is because we've grown up in a society that glamorizes looks. When's the last time a Hollywood picture cast an average looking person as the lead? Studies have shown that people with great looks get better jobs, are paid more money, and have an easier time of dating virtually anyone they want (because the first attraction in humans seems to be physical attraction).

Perhaps the third season of the TV show "Average Joe" summed it up best when the hot model lady finished meeting all the average looking "Joes" she was to date. She went to the producer's office, not realizing there was a hidden camera, and let the producer know that "these are not the type of men I'd normally date." Yet the only thing the men had in common were "average" looks.

In the first two seasons of "Average Joe," the beautiful woman was given the opportunity to date both model-looking men and "average Joes". The average Joes in the show usually showed themselves to be more concerned with things like romance, things that many average-looking people master to make up for not looking like a model. Yet even with other elements that were stronger than the model men, the girl ended up selecting the model over the average Joe.

In season three it looked like the result would be the same. There was the tall, dark, and handsome Rocky versus Nathan, the average looking guy. Nathan wasn't originally supposed to be a finalist. He had been eliminated earlier in the show. However, the show's producers selected four of the "average Joe's" to get makeovers. They were given dental work, a stylist, a nutritionalist, a life coach, and even a personal trainer. Then all four were reintroduced to Anna with her being able to select one to continue with the competition. She selected Nathan. And Nathan ended up beating out all the other average Joe's to make it to the final two.

Now it was Nathan versus Rocky. "Jock" versus "geek". And who did the attractive Anna select? She selected Nathan.

Now while "Average Joe" may just be another one of those "self serving reality shows," there are many lessons that "average Joe's and Jane's" could learn when it comes to dating. And here are four key lessons:

Lesson 1: You Are Not Average
The men in the first three seasons of "Average Joe" that consistently did the best were the one's who believed they were not average. Sure, their looks may have been average, but they were well above average in other areas like sincerity, romance, and thoughtfulness. Always work to make sure you never fall into the "average" category.

Lesson 2: You Can Improve Your Looks
Nathan and three other average Joe's had an extraordinary opportunity this season that others in past years didn't - they were given a makeover at the show's expense. The makeovers didn't include things like plastic surgery or fat removal, but rather a stronger focus on fitness, nutrition, teeth, style, and hair. Amazingly enough, these type of changes (of which virtually any person can do) had a positive resulting, making average guys look "above average". The lesson here is that if you think you are average looking, you can change that. Start by changing your diet, drinking more water, paying attention to nutrition, exercising, studying style, getting your hair cut different, and having a dentist help your teeth look great and white. If you go on a strong and dedicated 6-month plan to improve yourself, you'll be shocked by the results. And so will others. And with the improved looks will come improved confidence.

Lesson 3: Be Confident
Have you ever seen a chihuahua? These little dogs aren't afraid of anything. Chihuahuas will stand up against dogs 10 times their size. They are a confident breed, no doubt. One of the biggest turnoffs to women in dating is men that are not confident and men that have a lot of insecurities. Learn to be confident in your actions. Always look a girl in the eyes and be confident not only in your chances, but in yourself and the things that make you a great person.

In the ABC series "Hooking Up" a guy handed a girl flowers. She began showing a positive reaction to the flowers and said "thank you" only to have the guy immediately say "they'll probably die in a few days." This is an example of a guy who tries to make a confident gesture (flowers), but allows his insecurities to cancel out the gesture. Your comments (if any) should match your gesture. For example, after you've gone on several dates with a lady you really like, buy her a dozen roses. Eleven of the roses should be red and one rose a different color (like pink or yellow). Hand them to the lady and state that like the yellow rose, she stands out amongst other women because of _______.

Your confidence in your gestures and comments will make you the most handsome guy in the world. After all, as one lady said about a guy she went out with - "he was the most gorgeous guy in the world... until he opened his mouth."

By far, learning to be confident is the single most important factor to your dating success. Dwell on the positive and carry yourself in an uplifting, sincere, and positive manner. Most sincere women are more attracted to genuineness, sincerity, and thoughtfulness than they are to good looks and egoism.

Lesson 4: Be Specific in Your Comments
It's easy to say to a woman, "I like you because you're a wonderful person." While that may be a sweet comment, you can learn something from Average Joe's winner, Nathan, who would be specific in his comments. Tell a woman "I like you because" then be specific about actions you've observed that helps you draw that conclusion.

"I think you're a wonderful person because you let that lady with one item go ahead of you in the grocery line. You dab ice cream on your nose before eating it. You express yourself in a genuine manner by opening your heart."

Being specific allows the person you're with to draw important associations to what you are saying and thus feeling the sincerity of your comments.

The bottom line is that you can change the way you look and the way others see you, but you must be sincere because other people can spot a phony a mile away. You can turn yourself from average to amazing through your attitude, gestures, and seriousness in improving your physical and healthy disposition. But, most importantly, making key changes will help you feel outstanding about who you are and where you are going in life. Not only will your dating life improve, but so will your friendships, associations, and environment. And that will make you the most attractive person in the world.

May all your changes be positive ones,

Joe Tracy
jtracy@onlinedatingmagazine.com

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