If you don’t want to be in the dog house then give some thought to the gifts you buy her

If you are in a relationship with a woman you love then you may want to pay attention to this list of gifts you should never give to her on Valentine’s Day or any other occasion. When it comes to gift-giving, the most important thing to most women is the thought that went into a gift (unless the person is a gold-digger, in which case the cost is most important). For example, women can tell whether you got flowers at the local grocery store or a real florist. They know the difference between cheap chocolate and good chocolate. They know when a card was quickly picked up on the way home and when thought went into selecting one. For most women, the effort and thought you put into a gift is more important than the gift itself.

With that in mind, here are 10 gifts you should never buy a woman for Valentine’s Day, her birthday, Christmas, or any other occasion.

10 Really Bad Gift Ideas for Her on Valentine’s Day…
or any other day

1) A Gym Membership
You should never buy a woman a membership to a gym even if she has expressed an interest in going to a gym. When you buy a woman a gym membership, what you are saying to her is:

– “You need to lose weight”
– “You need looser clothes”
– “You are fat”
– “You are not attractive the way you are”
– “This is really a gift for me!”

When a woman says she would like to go to the gym, she’s not dropping a hint for you to buy her a gym membership. It’s something she needs to do on her own without any prodding from you. And giving a gym membership as a gift sends terrible messages that could go to her self-esteem and your lack of an enjoyable night.

2) Self Improvement Books
While self improvement books are a great thing to buy yourself, it’s generally not a good idea to buy them for a woman you like/love. Valentine’s Day, birthdays, and Christmas are not times that a person wants to be told that they need to improve. What does it say to a woman when she unwraps your gift to find “How to Win Friends and Influence People” or “10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives“? If you buy her “10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives,” her first thought when seeing the book might be “dating you.”

3) Toilet Paper Earrings
If you buy a woman a pair of earrings, give some thought to them. Buying “gag earrings” like toilet-paper earrings (yes, they really are for sale) shows a lack of thought and discretion on your part. When you buy a woman a gift, particularly for a romantic day like Valentine’s Day, she wants the gift to say something positive about you, her, and the relationship.

Buying her toilet paper earrings only put your relationship in the same place that the waste in the toilet goes… the sewer.

4) Clothes
Most women are great at buying clothes for themselves. In general, men are not good at buying clothes for women. If you fit that mold or do not work in the fashion industry, then never buy clothes for a woman, unless she has a gay friend that can accompany you to buy the gift and keep the secret.

The reason buying clothes for her is a bad gift idea is because if you accidentally buy her something too small then you are saying she is “fat”. If it too loose then you don’t pay attention. In addition, you are buying something you like, not necessarily something she likes.

“The Epilady was a bad idea. I am SO SORRY, Honey.”

5) Epilady (Body and Facial Hair Removal Gadget)
While the Epilady does a good job at removing leg and facial hair on a woman, it does require a degree of pain tolerance. With that in mind, it is a terrible gift idea unless you want that special woman in your life to suggest that you first try it out on your facial hair. Only then will you understand and then rush to Sees Candy, an expensive jewelry store, and high-end florist to purchase your apology gifts.

6) Free Waxing Gift Certificate
Before you rush out and buy that “free waxing gift certificate,” you may first want to have one done on you. A better gift would be a gift certificate for a 1-hour massage, inside a home-made card with a love poem.

7) A Bathroom Scale
Buying a woman a bathroom scale is the equivalent of saying, “you really need to watch your weight.” It doesn’t matter if the bathroom scale has the latest BMI measuring technology while manicuring your toenails. Don’t ever buy a gift for a woman that insinuates that she needs to lose weight, exercise more, or go on a diet.

8) An Iron
There’s a reason why the Iron game piece was permanently removed from the Monopoly game. People don’t like irons or the thought that they have to iron. Receiving an iron as a gift is the equivalent to telling your special lady that her clothes have too many wrinkles and instead of relaxing, she should be working. A response from a woman receiving an iron might be, “Thank you, dear. I was going to snuggle and make out with you, but I think I’ll go iron instead. Have a good night. Tomorrow I’ll let you borrow my iron for your clothes.”

9) Motion Activated Billy Bass Fish
You may think a fish hanging on the wall that sings “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” when you walk by is a great gift idea. However, for her, your gift will smell very fishy.

Buying her the Big Mouth Billy Bass Motion Activated Singing Sensation might be more enjoyable for her if  it sang, “We are Never Ever Getting Back Together” by Taylor Swift. You should also worry that she might find away to reprogram the fish to say “you suck at picking gifts” then hang it in the entry way of your home. That would be quite the conversation starter.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ozbX-yM8ao

If you buy her that fish, she will record the “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” song it sings and give it to you as a parting gift when she breaks up with you.

10) Wall Mounted Hand Vase
May we suggest that anything that emulates a body part hanging from the wall is a very bad idea? There is nothing romantic about the wall mounted hand vase that looks like an arm sticking out of your wall, holding flowers. In fact, if anything it is bound to give your special love the creeps. And every time she looks at it, she will think of you!

A few more really bad gift ideas include a picture of yourself, beer scented candle, or a banana slicer (even though the reviews are good).

A good rule of thumb is to think, “what does this gift say to her” before buying it. After all, her first thought when unwrapping the gift will be, “what is he saying to me with this gift?” Let your gift speak in thoughtful, romantic, and  considerate tones and she will be very impressed.

What are some bad gifts you’ve received? Leave your comments below in the “What Do You Think?” comment box.