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Taking Risks:
May You Have The Courage to Be Happy
by Dr.
James Houran, Columnist/Spokesperson
for Online Dating Magazine
What
choices have you made this year to bring you closer
to personal happiness? All too often I see people sabotage
their own efforts at personal happiness. Oh, it’s
not necessarily done on purpose – or even done
knowingly – but the sabotage is there nonetheless.
People are slaves to habit. Our habits are so comfortable,
because they’re so familiar and predictable to
us. Humans love and crave control over their environments,
so naturally we’re attracted to attitudes and
behaviors that structure our worlds and make us feel
like we’re in the driver’s seat.
Yet,
that sense of security and control is often illusory.
And sometimes, habits are downright bad for or hazardous
to our mental and physical health. Likewise, habits,
however comfortable, can even interfere with our love
lives. How many times have you found yourself dating
someone exactly like your ex – that ex who wasn’t
compatible with you? Rather than follow a path that
never really worked before, I hope you take healthy
and calculated risks this month and well into the summer
and let go of habits in order to find and embrace what
truly makes you happy. And not just any sort of risks;
ones that push you out of your compatibility comfort
zone. Compatibility Comfort Zone is my term for the
mental picture we have of our ideal partner. Typically
we look for someone that closely matches that ideal
image, but, of course, that person doesn’t really
exist outside of our fantasies. The truth is that often
we’re compatible with many different types of
people – we need only take a step outside of
our compatibility comfort zone to find out.
Of
course, taking that step is more like a leap for
most of us. The thought of losing in love or making
a mistake can be terrifying. For others, it’s
paralyzing. But, I want you to think of risks this
way: we don’t make mistakes, we make discoveries.
And to make discoveries, we must venture into unfamiliar
territory. You might not find “the one,” but
chances are you’ll learn a great deal about yourself
and your relationship wants and needs by taking a risk
and getting to know people who don’t seem to
be your type. Then again, you might well find that
special someone. Go talk to happy couples you know,
and ask them if their partner is the type of person
they thought they’d end up with. Many times you’ll
be surprised to hear, “no.”
Taking
a risk and setting a course for discovery also means
accepting personal responsibility for success. Traditionally,
people meet their mates in three ways – at
work, through introductions by friends or family, and
by accidental meetings.
I challenge you to take more
control of your relationship destiny.
Relationship
success – however
you define it – is also a personal choice to
a great degree. You see, stepping out of your compatibility
comfort zone is not really relinquishing control. To
my way of thinking, stepping outside your comfort zone
is one way to gain more control. How? – because
in doing so you’re taking the initiative in creating
more and varied opportunities to meet and learn about
new romantic prospects. Online dating adds a powerful
to dimension to this, since you can broaden your horizons
and experiment with your compatibility comfort zone
in the safety of your own home and at your own pace.
So, instead of taking a leap without any precautions,
this approach is akin to bungee jumping!
So,
have you taken control of your love life this month
and also taken a little risk here and there? If not,
I urge you to do so right now. Below is a checklist
of sorts to help get you started. Each person has the
conscious choice and power to follow each attitude
and behavior presented in this checklist:
_____ Have
you chosen to take care of yourself by eating
right, exercising to the best of your ability,
and getting enough rest?
_____ Have
you chosen to groom and dress yourself well everyday?
_____ Have
you chosen to think of yourself as an attractive
person?
_____ Have
you chosen to leave the house everyday with a positive
attitude about what the day holds?
_____ Have
you chosen to open your mind and heart to the opportunities
that are surrounding you?
_____ Have
you been accepting and polite of people who show
interest in you?
_____ Have you taken a chance to get to know someone
who wasn’t necessarily “your type?”
_____ Have
you allowed yourself to have fun and enjoy your
lifestyle as a single?
_____ Have
you allowed yourself to actually enjoy getting
to know others?
_____ Have
you taken time to invest in your love life by updating
your personal profile, posting new and better pictures,
and communicating with others online?
_____ Have you changed something about your daily
routine – such as your bus route, where you shop,
buy groceries, or take a walk – so you’ll
be in a position to meet new people and be exposed
to new experiences?
_____ Have you actually initiated a “hello” or
other friendly conversation with those around you?
_____ Have you stopped and reflected on what you’ve
learned from past relationships and recent dates – such
as your own quirks and mental roadblocks, as well
as your needs and what qualities would be good for
you
in a partner?
You also may
or may not follow these leads. The choice is yours.
My wish is for you to have the courage
to be happy. If you take time to make that leap, please
take time to write me and tell me where you personally
landed! drjim@onlinedatingmagazine.com.
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