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Dating Magazine > Self
Improvement > Saying "I'm Sorry"
How to Say I'm Sorry and Mean
It
by Joe Tracy, Publisher of Online
Dating Magazine
We all do things in life that we
are sorry about. For some it is easy to apologize and
for others it is extremely difficult. It's hard to
admit when you're wrong. Yet learning to do so will
make you a much more desirable person.
So you've done something wrong and have
upset your partner as a result. You know you were wrong
and that you owe your partner an apology. By learning
the importance of the right apology, you'll be able
to better diffuse a situation and become a better person
in the process.
The Three Key Elements of a True Apology
There are three vitally important aspects
to an apology that will determine how the apology is
received. So when you apologize, be sure to:
1) Be Sincere.
The one thing that measures how sorry you truly are
more than the words you speak is sincerity. An
insincere apology can actually offend, while a
sincere apology holds a lot of power to right a
wrong. A sincere apology means that your apology
is genuine, true, and pure. So before you apologize,
make sure you understand how you hurt your partner
and are truly sorry. This will come through when
you make your apology.
To improve sincerity, don't apologize
too much or too soon. Step away from the conflict.
Think about it. Then return to your partner with
an apology that you mean. You'll usually get one
in return.
2) Take Responsibility for Your Actions.
An apology is true and more sincere when you
state it without making excuses. Take full
responsibility
for your actions. "It was my fault. I
take full responsibility and I'm sincerely
sorry." When you
add excuses to your apology ("I'm sorry.
It's just been a really hard day and I'm cranky")
then you are excusing the action and it removes
the sincerity
of the gesture.
3) Provide a Sincere Promise
that You'll Try to do Better.
"I messed up and I'm sorry. I will strive to make
sure it never happens again. I love you too much."
When you apologize for something stupid you did,
make a sincere promise that you'll try to do
better then stick to that promise. One way you
grow to become
a better person is by improving your weak areas.
Love Languages
One of the most popular relationship books on the market
is called The
Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
The book identifies five love languages (quality
time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service,
and physical touch) and states that each of us have
a primary love language that makes us feel more loved.
For example, some women feel more loved when they
get flowers or jewelry (gifts) while others feel
more loved when you touch them and hug them (physical
touch). Some women feel more loved when you spend
time with them (quality time) and others when you
praise them (words of affirmation).
It's
important to know your partner's love language so
that when you apologize, you can factor in their
love language. For example, let's say your partner
is a female whose primary love language is gifts.
When you apologize, you need to bring flowers or
a card to stronger reaffirm your apology. However,
if her love language is touch, you softly touch
her
when
you apologize,
hug her, and cuddle with her. You need to be speaking
her language when you say "I'm Sorry".
Saying I'm Sorry Affects Your Partner's
Health
Taking the time to apologize dramatically
reduces the tension in a situation. In fact, an August
2002 Psychology Today article titled "I'm Sorry" states:
"An
apology is crucial to our mental and even physical
health. Recent research shows that
receiving an apology has a noticeable, positive
physical effect on the body. An apology actually
affects the
bodily functions of the person receiving it --
blood pressure decreases, heart rate slows and breathing
becomes steadier."
People Respect Someone Who Can Apologize
You've probably heard the saying, "it takes a big man
to admit he was wrong." This is more true than you
and I will ever know. People respect someone who can
say "I'm sorry". And what's more is that
it is easier to forgive someone who apologizes. A person
who never apologizes is often viewed as stubborn, hard-headed,
insincere, and non-caring. Is that how you want to
be viewed?
So next time you need to apologize, go
out of your way to do it right, mean it, and correct
the problem that led to you needing to apologize in
the first place. You'll be a much better person because
of it.
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