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Letter to the Editor:
eHarmony Feels Like a Job Fair
About six months ago,
I decided to give online dating a try. The experience
has been educational, to say the least. And, I wish
I would have had a better idea of what online dating
was really like before I signed up - which is why I'm
writing this letter. Maybe my take on things will be
useful to someone trying to decide whether or not to
take the plunge. I joined eHarmony, but from what
I've read it sounds like my experience would have been
similar at other dating sites.
I thought eHarmony was going to be like a big cocktail
party, to which my friend, Dr. Neil Clark Warren (eHarmony founder) had invited some men that he thought I would
like. These men and I would cyber-meet-and-mingle,
chat, and get to know one another a little better.
After brief, but pleasant chats, most of the time the
gentleman and I would then part and move on to mingle
with other guests at the party. Hopefully, some of
us would find that we enjoyed each other's company
enough to continue our conversation outside the party,
but if not, at least I would have had an enjoyable
time meeting some new people.
Instead, eHarmony feels
like a giant Job Fair where there are a lot more
applicants than there are available jobs. So, I'm
going from table to table, dressed in my best interview
suit, with my resume in hand and at each table, the
man sitting there is comparing my resume and appearance
to his long, long list of "Essential
Mate Qualities." And when, inevitably, I don't
measure up, he says, "No, I'm not interested in
talking to you. Please move along." I'm not having
fun here.
Will I try online dating again? Probably not. For
one thing, the seemingly single-minded focus on physical
appearance is disturbing. If I had a dollar for every
average-looking middle-aged man that specified his
mate must be above average in attractiveness, well,
I'd probably have enough to pay for another month's
membership in eHarmony. Yes, I'll admit it, in spite
of what my mother says, I'm average-looking myself,
but I'm not out there looking for a George Clooney
look-alike, either. For another thing, I'm both amazed
and horrified at the long and specific lists many
men have for potential mates: tall, slender, long
brown hair, green eyes, well-educated, looks hot
in a bikini, likes to work out at the gym, enjoys
cooking and cleaning the bathroom, can scuba dive,
doesn't have children, non-smoker, social drinker,
wants sex twice a day, has a good job, speaks Portugese...
OK, I'm exaggerating, but not by much.
I think for now I'm going to stick to real-life cocktail
parties where men and women can experience the total
picture: not just your appearance, but your facial
expressions and body language, your laugh and voice,
the way you interact with the people around you,
even the way you smell.
~ Vickie T.
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