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Letter to the Editor:
Married Men Dating
Society has not been kind to
women, typically preferring to typecast men in the clutches
of unmarried young women and placing the blame for married
men straying upon their supposedly accidental victims.
Only recently have remarks been made that indicate a
degree of accountability that suggests that in adulterous
situations, married men are "dating."
In recognizing that "fact," it's possible that
(especially men) but also society is beginning to awaken
to the fact that when married men initiate, solicit,
or agree to meet with "other women," they are
dating. In a discussion between Donald Trump (because
of his marriage), and his past history, he stated
that "this time around," he expected to be both
a "good
husband" as well as a good father - [as remarked]
- by not dating other women.
Extramarital trysts have not risen in society to the
point, typically, where they are considered dating, presumably
because married men are not recognized generally as free
to date. Therefore, it is only the unmarried women who
are presumed to be "dating."
This misperception has greatly aided the standards by
which married men are judged for their fidelity, or lack
of it, and their excuses appear to have been well received
by society as "accidents, or mistakes."
Because it takes "two to tango," regardless
of their status, it's healthy for society to recognize
the mutual responsibility of both men and women when
the topic arises to equalize the liability and to place
judgment on both parties, if there is a requirement
to judge either. The gender bias of assuming it is the
woman's fault incorrectly presumes that she has authority,
or control over the breach of trust to whom the male
is accountable.
Although women are characteristically suckers for their
willingness to assume the liability and guilt in these
circumstances, it's questionable whether that guilt or
shame is correctly assigned in the circumstance where
an unmarried female chooses to see a married man. She
has no obligation to the female supposedly harmed since
she has no "relationship," legal or otherwise,
with the married spouse of the person who strays.
Therefore, in placing the blame upon the woman as a "home-wrecker," etc.,
considerably more justifiable self righteous but unearned
bias and discrimination is placed upon women than men,
perhaps in an attempt to "protect the legal territory" of
married women by encouraging others, both males and females,
especially, to honor it, irrespective of the good or
bad relations between the married couple.
It's possible that the decision and actuality of males
(or females) who stray is very much a "private affair" between
the parties, and although subject to gossip, not appropriate
for public judgment by virtue of the possibility of
an innocent party who, if single, is presumably free
to see whomever he or she pleases without the burden
of society's recrimination.
It is a slippery slope, however, since society typically
considers blame to be psychologically necessary, and
by tradition, it falls upon the uniquely vulnerable party,
often the extra man, or more frequently upon the extra
woman.
While few would consider this a civil rights or a human
rights issue, it just may be that it has been overlooked
as one of the most basic issues that has yet to be identified
and resolved as such. Most consider it a religious or
a moral issue but, in reality, it might be examined more
closely within the confines of the "rights of association" that
any human is entitled to under our Constitution. Our
founders never specified in that amendment that only
unmarried persons were entitled to the rights of association.
It cannot be read in that manner, and it should not be
read in that manner.
Can society benefit from asking such elementary questions?
If it is our obligation to minimize or curtail the abbreviation
of bias and discrimination of human rights or civil rights,
it may well be within the kinds of inquiries that are
appropriately examined and resolved since it may lie
at the heart of all human relations upon which human
standards must be built as fair, equitable, and rooted
in dignity of the person attempted to be regulated. Why
would married men be exempt, despite the patriarchal
society we promote.
~ Pat R.
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