Dating Magazine > Features > Getting
a Second Date
10 Tips to Getting a Second Date
S. Davis, Columnist
for Online Dating Magazine
of today have a daunting task -- it seems that it is easy enough to meet
people, but how do you keep them and yourself interested through
and past those critical "first dates?" In
courtship, it doesn't help men; either, that women
of all races are more intelligent and independent
than ever. This can make for confusion in terms of
how to go about "pursuing" the person you're
interested in. How do men maintain their "manhood" without
being overbearing or chauvinistic? How do women let
men know they're interested without appearing too presumptuous?
Many modern men would be surprised to
learn that even the most fiercely liberated woman believes
is all right, in fact, expected that men pursue the
relationship, particularly in those critical beginning
Surprisingly, many women, priding themselves
on being ultra-independent, never relying on anyone
much, have learned the hard way that this is definitely
not the way to get and keep a man interested. Like
any other worthwhile human being, men need to be needed
and they need to feel that a relationship with them
is a rare commodity to attain. Attaining the unattainable
is a sport for many men; it is what drives them. When
women are too quick to open themselves up in terms
of time, emotions and of course, physically, it can
be psychologically detrimental to them. Often women
have resorted to doing this, believing that if they
don't, the man will lose interest. What many women
seemed to be learning is that there are ways to let
men know they are interested without compromising their
personal or professional goals.
Often I have been asked
by men what it is that turns women on and off -- particularly
in the beginning of the relationship. Having experienced
much of what I am about to discuss, I have first-hand
knowledge on some of the very items, which tend to
make me and many of my friends lose interest quickly.
And, it doesn't have to be that way!
of these tips are quite basic -- trite, but you'd
be surprised how often these seemingly minor "infractions" by "good" guys
result in puzzlement when a woman appears to lose interest
in him -- often at some of the most perplexing times. "What
did I do to turn her off?” is often asked. Usually,
it's something so basic that it's almost embarrassing
to say. Women know that it isn't so much that men intend
to be rude or inconsiderate. Sometimes it's just that
they aren't sure which direction to take... after
all, as diverse as women are, they aren't exactly "easy" to
deal with. One thing is certain: the premise of any
successful relationship is communication and respect,
and it is on that which the following tips are based.
If physical chemistry exists, one cannot fail if every
effort is made to maintain communication. It's that
simple. So, try out some of these suggestions -- they
may work, and you may get the added bonus of answers
to some of those ill-fated romances!
Before you read
on, I must warn you. If you're like me, you may just
be appalled at some of these suggestions.
But, now I have to bite my tongue because, in all
honesty, it works!
So, fasten your seat belts! It's gonna
be a bumpy ride!
1. Men Must Make The First Move
If he doesn't, the
woman shouldn't. In a recent relationship survey, it's
been proven that the majority of relationships, which
fail, were initiated by women. Of course, it's okay
for a woman to make some attempt at being noticed,
but she should never be the one to suggest seeing him
in the future, or even so much as ask him to dance.
2. Be Interested
Focus on her while you are with
her. Listen as much as you speak. There is nothing
worse than dealing with someone who is so self-absorbed
that you can't get a word in edgewise.
out together, we know it's hard, but resist staring
at other women. I, as do many of my friends,
completely lose interest in someone who doesn't
this, since it demonstrates that if he can't focus on me for the short
period of a date, how will he ever be able to direct
his attention to me indefinitely?
And besides, how would he like it if she stared at every man who passed
by? I'll bet not much. So, guys -- save the ogling
for later with your friends.
Make it a priority to
remember important dates such as her birthday,
Valentine's Day and later, your anniversary. Get
her romantic gifts, which show you
care about her (no appliances or the like unless you also get her something
genuinely romantic). She must be made to feel as important as any other
significance in your life. Just like a crucial
business deal relies upon communication
and efficiency, being attentive is part of developing and maintaining
3. Resist Possessiveness
Until you are actually committed
in a relationship and have an understanding, neither
of you owe an explanation of how nor where you spend
your time. Being too possessive is a turn-off and,
in this day and age of stalking, many women are reluctant
to get involved with men who come on too strong.
Don't "Go Dutch" or Meet Halfway
it or not, many women have found that guys who expect
them to meet them somewhere out of their area or pay
are losers. It doesn't seem fair, but believe it or
not, that's how it usually turns out. Guys, if you
really respect and admire this woman, then you will
go to where she is and pay for the date. If not, you're
in it for something other than the long term, which
is not what she wants, so why waste your time? Do yourselves
favor and keep looking until you find the woman who
5. Men Should Do The Calling
Men should do the calling,
at least in the beginning. If you're interested, you'd
better call. Remember, you are supposed to do the
pursuing. Women who call
men regularly are finding that they almost never
get the lasting relationships they want. When men
don't call, there is a reason. And it's usually that
he's interested in someone else or seeing so many
people that he doesn't deserve to have a quality
woman anyway. So, guys, if you are interested, don't
refrain from calling, thinking she'll be jealous.
What will most likely happen is that she'll become
disinterested. High-caliber women are busy and resourceful.
If you don't call her, someone else will!
or not this is fair, it's important to let her
know that you are thinking of her -- no matter
how busy you are.
6. Arrange Dates Early in the Week
To call at the
last minute is presumptuous and rude. If you want
to see a woman on Friday or Saturday night, you
call and arrange it by or before Wednesday. Remember,
women -- spontaneity is earned, not given. If a
guy is inconsiderate enough to ask for a weekend
Wednesday, turn him down. If you haven't made plans,
you should have, and this will remind you to do
so in the future, so you won't have to turn someone
for no reason. The woman you are pursuing is most
likely intelligent and social -- and that kind
of woman usually
has a full schedule, rarely sitting around with
nothing to do.
7. Absolutely No Sex
Immediate intimacy is a complete
no-no. Men should not propose it and women should not
do it, under any circumstances! The mutual respect
will be noted and can only serve to enhance the relationship
when the time comes. Opening up emotionally and physically
will come naturally. One of the biggest turn-ons for
both men and women is to let her make the first move
Treat each other
the way you would like to be treated. If you suggest
something and it seems to feel uncomfortable, accept
it, and, if they don’t tell you directly, ask
what they want. Many times women are reluctant to
express how they feel about things because we're
that different opinions are undesirable.
9. Be Honest
You don't like it when someone lies
to you, so don't do it to him or her. Guys, don't talk
about your future with her unless you really mean it
and have given it some serious thought. It does no
one any favor to discuss serious issues in an insincere
fashion. Eventually, it will be apparent that you never
meant what you said. If she brings the subject up and
you're not sure how you feel, say so. Even though you
run the risk of losing them, isn't it far better to
avoid an insincere commitment?
10. Maintain These Points
Utilizing these suggestions
just may allow you to easily evolve into a trusting,
caring and emotionally satisfying relationship with
the quality person always wanted. Continuing these
hints may just ensure that you preserve it!
of these tips only apply to people you are truly
interested in getting serious with. Obviously, casual
involvements would not require this level of maintenance
-- but if they're special and you want them to know
it, practice these tips and you could very well be
on your way to attaining the relationship of your
dreams! Even if this doesn't happen, it's a good idea
these "manners," since it only serves to
assist you in accomplishing your relationship goals.
Besides, it can only make you look good, and having
manners never hurt anyone!
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