Dating Magazine > Features > Professional
Avoid Becoming a Professional
by Julie-Ann Amos for Online
the offline world a casual dater is one who never
takes any dates serious – the person dates just for the fun of
it. Unfortunately for those looking for a serious relationship,
that same mentality has made its way into the online
world in the form of “professional online daters.” What
exactly is a “Professional Online Dater”?
The term refers to people who spend all their time
looking for dates online without ever pursuing it to
the level of a relationship. For a professional online
dater, if they do settle down with one person, they
usually quickly bolt back to the online dating world
at the first sign of trouble in the “relationship.”
Are You a Professional Online Dater?
Unfortunately it is sometimes easy to become a professional
online dater without realizing it. Luckily there may
be some telltale signs that you may be becoming a professional
online dater. What are some of the signs? Try this
you sometimes want to end a date early, so you
can go back home and check your messages and mailbox?
» Do you ever find yourself comparing someone
meeting or talking to with a great profile you’ve
» Do you feel relaxed and laid-back about
dating because if it doesn’t work out there
are plenty more fish in the sea?
you putting off being in a relationship until you
find the perfect person?
you find it hard to choose between going out on
a date with someone you already know and talking
to someone new?
someone breaks up with you, are you back online
within 24 hours?
» When dating someone, do you
keep your profile active “just
you an active member of more than two online dating
you ever stopped seeing someone because a better
prospect landed in your inbox?
you, on more than one occasion, dated more than
3 different people in a week?
» Does everything
have to be perfect before you’d
settle down with someone?
» Do you get anxious if you
can’t check messages
and mails for more than 24 hours, e.g. if away for
you been online dating for over a year without
seeing one person exclusively for at least a month?
you’ve said yes to 6 or more, you may well
be on your way to becoming a Professional Online Dater.
Emotionally Online Dating is Less Risky
Let’s look at what’s going on here. Online
dating has taken an awkward and difficult social situation
and made it accessible to anyone, thus making it a
lot easier for people to find dates. No more hanging
out in bars with friends hoping to catch someone’s
eye; no more hoping to be asked to dance, or hoping
she’ll say yes when you ask her. The risk of
looking foolish or embarrassed has largely diminished,
and dating has become easier. The emotional risk is
lower in the beginning with online dating.
people genuinely want to meet someone and have a
relationship. But when it happens, the “risk
factor” comes back into play, and suddenly they
have more to lose. For some people, it’s easier
emotionally - safer in fact - to go back and start
again with someone else, and not risk getting hurt.
The Escape Route
Professional online daters who start relationships
will generally keep a back door open, silently known
as “an escape route.” As soon as there
is any difficulty in the relationship, instead of trying
to iron things out, they cut and run. The next morning,
they “unhide” their profile on the 25 dating
services they belong to, that is if they ever took
the time to hide their profile in the first place.
Grass is Always Greener…
Some people are looking for perfection. They could
find something wrong with Helen of Troy if she showed
up for a date. After all, for these people, there’s
always another date that’s just a click away.
Other people genuinely mean to be realistic, but
get seduced by temptation. That one email that tempts
you can mean walking away from what could have been
a great relationship if you’d stuck around
to find out. So what can you do to avoid the trap?
How to Avoid Being a Professional Online Dater
If you are, or feel you are becoming, a professional
online dater, there are things you can do to become
more serious about your prospects:
» Be sensible with your time. If you’re
struggling to read all your mail or answer all your
responses, you are casting your net far too wide.
Consider hiding or deactivating your profile for
a period of
» If you commit to a date, see it through.
be seduced by tempting offers that “look better.”
one offer at a time. Until you’ve eliminated
someone, don’t move on to the next.
» If someone
breaks up with you, or vice versa, take at least
three days before going back online to look
for another love. Take time to consider what went
wrong so you don’t make the same mistakes again.
» Once you start seeing someone
regularly, deactivate or hide that profile until you’ve decided whether
or not they’re going to be a long-term prospect.
Once you’ve made a commitment to that person,
completely delete your profile. Yes, even if you
still have paid months left.
» Never tell people that
you’ve started seeing
someone else and want to see how it goes before
getting back to them. Some people are intensely competitive,
and will try hard to persuade you to change your
mind – and
then maybe not even follow through. It’s
of the chase” syndrome.
a commitment to yourself that you will be serious
about your online dating experience. Be determined
to work through problems, instead of giving up
easily. This will not only help your relationship, but will
also build your character.
you are going online to look for a serious relationship
then stay focused on your objective. Don’t get
caught in the online dating whirlpool that keeps you
going around in circles. The people you interact with
and date should be treated the way you expect to be
treated; with respect and the opportunity to see where
things lead without looking over one’s shoulder.
> Perfectmatch.com - The best approach to find the one.
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