1) Establish the relationship rules and
parameters.
In a study of long distance relationships,
Dr. Greg Guldner found that 70% of couples in a long
distance
relationship who did not set rules, or deal with
changes, ended up breaking up within six months. This
means
that it is vital that you and your partner set rules
and parameters to guide your long distance relationship.
This includes an agreement that you will not date
others, that you will communicate daily, and that you'll
see each other at least once every 2-3 months in person.
2) Communicate Every Single Day
Part of a successful long distance relationship is
being able to emulate patterns found in regular relationships.
One of these patterns is daily communication. The
evolution of the Internet is godsend for people who
are in long distance relationships. Not only can
you communicate via email and instant messaging for
free, but you can also talk to each other through
free services like Skype. And that means no more
$500 a month phone bills!
3) Express Your Feelings
Learning to express your feelings to your long distance
partner in email, IM, and on the phone is important
for the growth and stability of your relationship.
One of the ways it increases your relationship
stability is by providing "reassurance" to
the other person about your commitment to him/her.
When you express your feelings, you are letting
your partner know that you are committed to making
the
relationship work.
4) Send Care Packages
Every once in awhile prepare and send your long distance
relationship partner a "care package".
Here are several things you might consider putting
in the package
(not all
at once, of course; pace
yourself and your gifts):
The
more personalized you can make the gifts, the bigger
impact it will have when received. For example,
when send some pictures of you, hold a sign in
one of the pictures that says "I
love you, ____"
(of course yours will have a name in it, not a blank
line).
When sending a book, make sure the book is on something
your partner is passionate about and write him/her
a little note on the inside cover. Do this every
time you send a book. If you send music, write something
specific about a song or two that makes you think
of
him/her. Go to the M&Ms
Website and order personalized
M&Ms. Even puzzles can be customized as many
places now sell
make your
own
puzzle kits.
Call
up
a spa in
his/her area and buy a certificate that the spa
will mail you then you will mail to your partner!
The more personalized and creative
you can be, the
more
impressed
your partner
will be at your thoughtfulness.
5) Spend Time Together While
Apart
Even though your partner may live hours away, you
can still experience "date nights" with
him/her. For
example, let's say you are both interested in seeing
the latest blockbuster movie. Plan to go at the
exact same time (coordinate your time zones) to see
the
movie
then
when it is over call each other to discuss it.
It's fun knowing that your partner is doing the exact
same thing as you at the exact same time. Even
though
you're apart, you're still sharing a moment "together".
6) Never Make Assumptions
Always be clear about your relationship with each
other. Don't assume that your long-distance partner
knows
your feelings - share them. Good or bad, be clear
about how you feel about the relationship. Assumptions
kill many relationships, while clear communication
helps relationships succeed. Perhaps Henry Winkler
put it best when he said, "assumptions are
the termites of relationships." Let your partner
clearly know your ambitions, fears, feelings, and
desires. This
will allow him/her
to share something deeper with you as you both
work together towards mastering your communication
abilities.
7) Trust One Another
Low self-esteem and a lack of trust can ruin wonderful
relationships. For example, a woman I know once
met this really nice, thoughtful, and sincere man.
She met him via online dating - the first guy she
met after spending three years "healing" from
her last relationship. Unfortunately, she still
carried
baggage from the failure of her last relationship.
Instead of recognizing this guy as different,
she lumped all men into the same boat as her failed
relationship. She was distrusting and insecure.
In the end, she lost the guy as a result.
It's
important
not to draw associations between the person you
are currently seeing and past failed relationships.
Give
the person an honest chance. I live by the philosophy
that "I will fully trust a person until they
give me a reason not to". This philosophy is
very important in long distance relationships because
if you start
to lose
trust and become insecure then your
relationship will soon be sabotaged... by you.
8) Plan Regular Meetings
Meeting regularly is vital to the success of your
long-distance relationship. As discussed in tip
#1, it's important
to set parameters on things like when you'll meet
and how often. And when you settle on a date, it's
very important that
you make sure nothing interferes with it. When
you cancel an in-person meeting
("My friends invited me to the coast that
weekend"
or "I didn't realize finals were that week")
you send a strong message that the relationship
is
not a priority in your life. You should be canceling
other events in order to see your partner. If you're
allowing
other events to interfere with your get-togethers,
then then you might want to reevaluate why you're
in a relationship.
9) Share Passions
The great thing about long-distance relationships
is that you tend to get to know your partner much
better
than if you were physically together. As a result,
you learn much more about your partner's likes,
dislikes, and passions. Find something your partner
is passionate
about that you can get involved with. For example,
maybe your partner really loves tennis and you've
never played tennis. Start taking tennis lessons
and discuss it with your partner. Find passions
that
you both can
share and it will invigorate your feelings and
appreciation for the relationship.
10) Surprise!
You often
hear people say, "I love surprises."
Surprises are fun because they are unexpected and
show how thoughtful/fun
a person is. Think of things you can do that will
"surprise" your partner. But don't overdue
it because then they'll come to expect surprises.
Here are a few ideas you may want to consider:
» A
classified ad in their local newspaper with a
message just for them.
» An
unexpected trip to see your partner.
» A video tape recording of you delivering a personal
message and showing off some of your "a day in the
life of me" events.
» A set of gifts that you give your partner when he/she
leaves (after meeting you in person). The number of
gifts correspond to the number of weeks until you see
each other again. For example, if you will see each
other again in eight weeks then you give your partner
eight gifts, each one numbered. Every Monday morning
he/she gets to open one of the gifts. It builds anticipation
and increases your "thoughtfulness" skill
in your partner's eyes.
