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Dating Meeting Tips
Online Dating: Meeting Face to
Face for the First Time
by Kelli Bailor
If you are perusing this article, then
chances are you have either decided to explore or venture
into the online dating world. Online dating has become
a very big part of our society in the last few years,
and it seems to have taken the place of meeting people
in bars. The biggest part to the online dating process
is actually meeting a person face to face for the first
time. This can be a little nerve-racking and exciting,
but it also may put you way out of your comfort zone.
So, in order to make you feel a little more confident
and comfortable in meeting someone new for the first
time, here are
some things to think about that may make your first
meeting go a little more smoothly.
Physical Appearance and Expectations of the First
What is the first thing that you think of
when you are preparing to get ready to meet someone
for the first time? The answer to this question could
differ between men and women, but most often we are
concerned with our physical appearance. The majority
of men and women know that first impressions are
usually the most important element to meeting someone
Consequently, we tend to take extra care in how we
look, feel, and even smell for that first initial
meeting. But as we take our appearance into consideration,
we should also pay attention to our feelings and
expectations of meeting this person.
Often times we have too high
of expectations for the first meeting, and then later
we feel almost let down. This tends to lead to our
discouragement in the online dating world, and also
dating in general. In order to keep things more in
perspective, we need to try to keep more of an open-mind
when meeting someone that we have only been corresponding
with online. Online communication and chemistry may
be quite different then the in-person communication
and chemistry that surfaces. We may feel completely
at ease and willing to discuss anything online or
over the phone, but when we actually meet face to face,
that level of comfort may not be quite what we have
anticipated. So, we need to lower our expectations,
and see this as just a date to get to know someone
better. We should not judge our chemistry and comfort
levels by just our online correspondence.
Getting Cold Feet
Most of us have experienced extreme
nervousness about that first meeting. This is perfectly
normal human behavior. One of the main reasons
we get nervous is because we worry about what
the other person may think of us. We could be
concerned with what we are going to wear, how
we look physically to that person, or even how
our personality comes across. These factors can
leave us feeling overwhelmed and influence our
decision to cancel the date. In this case, we are
liable to make up excuses for breaking the date,
or we may even choose to just not show up! All
of us have felt these emotions, and some of us
have even pulled a no-show so that we don’t
have to deal with our anxiety. But think about
the consequences of your actions.
and rescheduling a date just because you are nervous
is not going to make your fear go away. The longer
that you wait to go on that first initial date, the
harder it is going to be. More than likely you won’t
even go out on that date, or maybe they won’t
feel comfortable asking you out again. And besides,
pulling a no-show is very inconsiderate to the other
person’s feelings. No one likes to be stood
up! You could be passing up the chance of a lifetime
by letting your fear conquer your desire to meet
this person! How do you know that this person may
not just be the one you have been searching for unless
you take the risk and meet them? When meeting a new
person, remember that you are not the only one who
is meeting someone new. They are meeting you for
the first time as well, and more chances then not
they are feeling just as nervous and anxious about
the first date as you are.
Tell Someone Where You Will Be
It is very
important to let someone know where you'll be,
especially if you are a woman. For your personal
safety, tell someone close to you that you are
going out on a date with someone you met online!
Be sure to not only tell them where you will
be, and what time you will be meeting, but also
be sure to tell them who you are going to be
with. Some of you may be embarrassed to tell
your best friend or close family member that
you are using an online dating service to meet
people. Don’t be! More and more people
are meeting online every day, and it is very
important to protect yourself by letting someone
you are close to know that you are doing this.
In my experience, this has made that first
meeting not quite so scary because I know that someone
out there knows where I am and who I am with. My
closest friends have even asked me to call them after
to let them know that everything went ok, and that
I made it home safely. So, get over being embarrassed
about meeting people online and telling your friends!
Think about your safety first! If you are really
that disconcerted about meeting people online, then
you should rethink why you are doing it.
Take Separate Cars or Different Means of Transportation
to take your own car, or use some other means of
transportation to get to your destination. You
never accept someone to pick you up at your home
or work that you have only met online. This is
safety precaution for you to think about. By taking
your own transportation, you are free to leave
the date whenever you feel like. You can also feel
in knowing that your date does not know the physical
place of your home or where you work.
Places to Meet
for the First Date
Where should you go to meet someone
for the first time? Well, that really
depends on your comfort level with that person.
Have you just communicated online, or has their
also been communication over the phone? In either
scenario, probably the best place to meet someone
for the first time would be a Coffee Shop, or
some quiet Café where you
two are able to talk and feel comfortable that
you are in a public place.
Some other good places for a
first date could be a miniature golf course, a bowling
alley, or maybe even a pool hall. This puts you both
into an activity, and may help to break the ice.
You can also see how the other reacts in this type
and if they seem comfortable with you and the activity
you are partaking in together. In most cases, the
goal for the first meeting is to see how you both click,
and also to get to know each other a little better.
Going to the movies on the first date is not advisable,
as you are not able to really talk and get to know
each other. Be sure that wherever you decide to
meet, it is a public place that is quiet enough for
Greeting the Other Person for the First Time
are already nervous, anxious, and excited about meeting
this person for the first time. So, how do you expect
to greet them? There are many ways to greet a person,
but it really is a personal preference as to how
you would feel most comfortable.
Depending on the time
you have vested in getting to know each other online
and/or over the phone, you can probably get a good
idea as to how you intend to greet them. Most often,
if you have spent a considerable amount of time getting
to know someone, then you are more than likely going
to feel very comfortable hugging that person when you
first meet. A woman may even feel comfortable enough
to kiss a man on the cheek, where as a man may feel
more comfortable just touching the women on the her
arm or her shoulder. It all really depends on what
kind of chemistry you have felt with this person.
there been a lot of joking and laughter in your communication
with each other? If so, then you would probably feel
completely at ease with hugging them when you finally
meet. Has the communication been without much humor,
and on the more serious level? In this case, hugging
each other at the first meeting may feel to personal.
You may be inclined to just smile at each other and
say ‘hello, nice to meet you’. No matter
how long you have been getting to know someone, you
should just go with what feels right at that time.
What types of things should you talk about
on your first date? It is advisable that
you read over their profile again before you meet.
This will allow you to concentrate on what's
important to that person, and what that person is most
passionate about. Study specific details about this
person's interests, and be thinking about questions
that could lead into a conversation later in the date.
It is always a good idea to ask some questions that
were asked on their personal profiles.
good conversation starter would be to ask them what
their goals are in life. Discussing subjects like
this may open your eyes to who this person really
is and what they want out of life. You may even
find that you have more in common than you originally
thought. Travel is another fun subject that you
could really learn more about each other. Ask them
where they have traveled in their lives, and then
share where you have been. If you haven't traveled,
but have desire to travel, mention places that
you would like to see. Tell them what motivates
you, and what interests you, and what your passions
are in life. If you have already talked about some
of these things online or over the phone, then
bring them up again and ask questions to show that
you are not only interested in what they have to
say, but also show them that you have been paying
attention to what they have said in the past. You
could also talk about friends and family, and where
you grew up. But before you do this, make sure that
you feel comfortable sharing this kind of information
with the other person. If you don’t feel comfortable
sharing something, then don’t do it. Always
listen to your inner-voice, because it usually knows
what is best for you.
Always be Honest and Truthful About Yourself
should always be very honest about who you are and
what you are all about in your profile. Never pretend
to be something or someone that you are not.
behavior is one of the best ways to terminate a
promising future relationship with someone. You
may feel that you are only telling some white
lies, but eventually those lies will catch up
to you. The other person will figure out that
you have not been completely honest and upfront
with them. This can result in a lot of hurt and
mistrust with someone that you may be very interested
in getting to know better. So don’t
lie! Be as open and honest as you can be.
thing to remember is to just be your self. If your
date does not like who you are, then they are just
not the compatible match for you. You can still leave
the date, knowing and feeling good about yourself
for being completely honest with them.
Breaking Down the Barriers of Shyness
Chances are that
we have all been on a date some time in our lives
where our partner was shy and not willing to open
us. So, what do you do in this case to try to break
down that wall?
In this case, it's important to do whatever
you can to make that person feel comfortable and safe.
Some people get very nervous if they are stared at
for more then a few seconds. They may feel as though
their personal space has been invaded, or they are
being critically analyzed, or maybe even attacked for
not being so talkative. Try to act relaxed, and don't
make them feel bad for being shy.
Shyness usually goes
away with time, but the best way to lessen it is
to make them feel comfortable in your presence. Think
back to their profile, and try to engage them in
by asking them questions about things that are important
to them or that they are interested in. Listen to
what they have to say, and make comments or ask more
to make them feel more comfortable. This also shows
that you are really interested in what they have to
sense of humor can sometimes break the ice, and
get them to be a little more sociable. Try telling
a joke, or something funny that happened to you
recently. Maybe you could even try telling them a really
moment that you have had in your life. By showing
this part of your self, you are exposing what could
as a weakness to someone who does not know you.
This could open up the willingness of the other person
to make comments, or even share something personal
them selves with you.
The most important thing
remember is to just be your self and try to have
a good time
with this person.
The Date Doesn't Feel
What if you feel
uncomfortable with your date? Maybe you are just
not feeling any chemistry, or maybe you are even
feeling somewhat threatened by you date? If any
of these feelings occur, then it best to call the
date. Be polite and thank them for coming to meet
you. Don’t ever
feel obligated to stay and continue talking to someone
that you are not comfortable talking with.
It is always
a good idea to carry a cell phone, so that you can
call your close friend or family member to let them
know that you are calling the date and reasons why
you are. It would even be advisable to call them
after you have arrived home safely just to ease
of Your Partner’s Feelings About the Date
What if you
feel your date is going great, but maybe your date
is not sharing a lot about how they are feeling?
This is always a tough issue, because as much as
we all wish we could read each other’s minds, it just
isn’t possible. The best thing to do is just
come right out and ask if they are enjoying themselves.
If you tend to be a shy person, this may be very
difficult for you to do. But, remember that this
is only the first date, and you may never see this
person again, so why not step out of your comfort
zone a little and just ask the question? When they
answer, you can usually tell by body language or
their tone of voice whether they are being truthful
If you are having trouble
reading that person, then more than likely they are
not as comfortable as you are, and may not be having
as good a time as you may be. Just remember, there
are other fish out there! Don’t let one date
spoil your desire to continue to look for someone
who is compatible with you. Just try to learn from
your experiences, and the more dating that you do,
the more you will be able to understand other people.
The Date is Going Great for Both of You
seems to be going very well, and you are both enjoying
each other’s company. What do you do if he/she
decides to ask if you would like to continue your date,
by maybe going out to enjoy some activity such as Miniature
Golf, or perhaps even dinner? Best thing to do in this
case is listen to that inner-voice. Are you truly having
a good time and enjoying this person’s company?
Could you see yourself going out on a second date
with them? If the answer is yes to both of these,
then why should the date end here? But, if you
answer no to either one of these questions, then
it may not be fair of you to accept the offer.
You don’t ever want
to give that person the wrong impression, or lead them
on. If you truly like the person, then let them know
it by accepting the offer to continue the date. But
if you don’t think there is anything between
you except maybe friendship, then tell them the truth.
Be honest with them, and they will appreciate you for
doing so. Sure, it may disappoint them a little, but
it is always best to be honest & up front to
avoid future confrontation.
Ending the Date
By the end of the date, you have
a better idea of who this person really is, and
how you both seem to click or not click. Women,
if you had a good time with the other person,
remember to tell them at the end of your date.
This not only lets them know that you enjoyed
being with them, but it also tells them that
you would possibly be receptive to a second date.
Men, women also like to hear that you had a good
time with them. But, if you didn’t
have a good time, or if there was just too much
awkwardness between you, thank them for meeting
you, and tell them it was nice to meet them.
This usually tells the other person that they
are not interested in a second date.
first meeting can be very stressful for some people,
but it can also be very thrilling too. Depending on
how much time you have vested with someone online,
your expectations tend to rise with every day of not
meeting that person. Be careful! As stated before,
online communication and chemistry can be very different
from what your experience is in person.
Dating is supposed
to fun, and you should just be yourself and have
good time. Try not to hold too high of expectations
first face-to-face meeting. This not only takes off
the pressure on your date, but it also helps you
feel more in control of what you are thinking and feeling
about this person you are just meeting. In my personal
experience of online dating, if you go in with an
and the desire to just meet this person and have
a good time, you can usually come out of the date feeling
good about yourself and that other person.
first date can tell you a lot about a person,
as well as show that person a lot about you.
Many times you will end up great friends instead
of romantic partners. But that is what dating
is all about, right? You are in search of your
compatible mate, and how else will you find that
unless you go on that first date and just ‘see’ what
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