Dating Magazine > Features > Better
12 Keys to Better Online Dating
CommunicationIf you are in the
market to find true love online, there are several
things you may want to know about improving the communication
process. The following 12 tips below are
to help you improve the
communication you portray when building your profile,
communicating via email, and meeting in person for
the first time:
by Joe Tracy, publisher of Online
Your Online Dating Profile
Improve Your Matches
by Being Clear on What You Want
The first step to improving the type of communication
you receive from others is by clearly stating in
your profile exactly what you want.
Let's take the example of Mary, a 25
year old female from Phoenix, Arizona. Mary's first
profile was pretty generic, stating a little about
and that she was looking for someone fun to get to
know better. Soon Mary's mail box was flooded with
messages from men all around the globe, including Gerald,
a 65 year old retiree from Florida.
The problem for Mary was that because
she didn't specify exactly what she wanted, her profile
was left open to the interpretation of the reader.
So she began to receive a lot of communication from
people who she would never date (due to distance, age,
Be clear in your profile about what you
are looking for in order to weed out others. If Mary
only wants to date local men who are within 3 years
of her age then she should clearly state:
interested only in communicating with 22-28 year
old men who live within 20 miles of Phoenix, Arizona."
many men will deem themselves the
"exception" to Mary's new rule, others
will fully respect what she is looking for and leave
her alone if they do not fit into that category.
Be very clear about
what you want.
Use the Subject Header
as a Filter
If you can't think of anything to say in your profile subject header that many
sites require, then use it as a filter. Let's go back to our Mary example.
She has already clearly stated in her profile the type of person she wants
to communicate with. Yet some men apparently don't know how to read when it
comes to profiles. Therefore the subject header is a good place to reemphasize
what you're looking
for. Here's an example Mary might use:
to chat with men near Phoenix, 22-28 years old"
Now Mary is using one of the most visual parts of
her profile - the subject header - to let men know
which ones should continue reading and which ones should
Of course, creative types may still want to use the
subject header to show their creative or funny side.
Be sure to review funny
subject headers and clever
subject headers to get some ideas.
State What Action You
Want Interested People to Take
Many sites these days have hotlists, smiles, virtual
flowers, Friend lists, etc. Since there are so many
ways to express an interest in others, it could help
a potential match if you told them what to do should
they be interested
in communicating with you.
For example, LavaLife allows
people to send "smiles" to let others know there
is an interest. They also allow users to send "collect
call emails" that the other person pays for
in order to read. Now if I'm a guy on LavaLife that
doesn't mind receiving "collect call" email
messages and I see smiles as a sign for me to take
action, then I might state the following at the end
of my profile:
you're interested in communicating, send me a smile
and I'll send an email your way. I also accept
collect call emails."
By adding that statement, I've taken
the pressure off women who may find my profile interesting,
but they aren't paid members. A woman viewing my profile
now knows that sending me a smile is a sign that she'd
like to hear from me and if she'd rather initiate the
email then she knows I don't mind paying for it.
Communicating Via Email or Chat
Use Proper Communication
Many women are turned off by men they don't know
who, out of the blue, start referring to them in
slang terms like "babe," "sexy," etc.
As one woman stated in her profile:
have a name and unbelievably it's not 'hottie,'
'cutie,' 'sexy,' 'baby' or any other variation."
Refer to the person by their profile
name (or first name if given in the profile).
It's amazing how many people change when communicating
through the "anonymous" nature of the Internet.
Many times, manners and respectability seem to just
fly out the door.
When you're communicating with someone
via email or chat keep in mind that there is a real
person on the other end with real feelings. Be respectful
with the words you use.
addition, if you are no longer interested in communicating
with the person, don't just "fall
off the face of the earth". Send them a short
and respectful note that you are pursuing some other
matches and wish them the best of luck. It is the
respectable thing to do.
If You're Enjoying the Communication,
Let Them Know
One of the reasons that books like Men
are From Mars, Women are From Venus are so
successful is because of the large communication
barrier between men and women. This barrier causes
a lot of "guessing" to go on in
the minds of both people. Thus, if you're enjoying
the communication you are having with another person,
let them clearly know:
really enjoying our chats"
an amazing person. I'm glad I met you."
A little line, like the above, tacked
to the end of one of your messages clearly lets the
feeling and makes it easier for the process to move
After Answering a Question, be
Sure to Ask Questions
Have you ever sent an email to a person you were interested
in, asking 4-5 questions and when you get an email
back there are only answers to the questions and nothing
else? This happens more than most people realize.
Be sure to ask questions in your email
responses to others in order to make it easy for the
communication to continue. An email void of questions
creates a potential stopping point in the communication
For Conversation Ideas, Closely
Reread the Person's Profile
One of the keys to good communication is talking about
something that interests the other person. You can
get amazing clues to their interests by carefully rereading
every aspect of that person's profile and by closely
the background of any pictures they have posted.
example, if someone says in their profile "I love to travel" then that is your cue to
ask questions like "what's the most fascinating
place you've ever traveled to?"
By showing an interest in the other person's
interests you are improving the communication that
the two of you share.
When Meeting in Person for
the First Time
Leave the Sexual Aggression
Many women who are quality "catches" have
been turned off to online dating from the remarks
or sexual aggression of the guys they met. All you
do is read a few online dating experiences to
see exactly what I mean. Remember to treat your date
with respect. Constantly wandering eyes and comments
on the female's anatomy could land you in the "block"
column back at home.
Keep Your Attention
on Your Date. Men, this Means Eye Level!
Women are not stupid. They are very observant, in fact.
If you are taking quick glimpses at other females,
your date will notice. She may not
say anything to you, but it will make a negative impression
For both men and women, remember that
you are here because of the other person. This means
constant eye contact and not letting the eyes wander
below the other person's chin! Give the person your
full and undivided attention to make the maximum impression.
Steer Away From "Past Relationship"
The first date is not a good time to talk about past
boyfriends or girlfriends. You are meeting for the
first time and it is a fresh beginning for the two
of you. Bringing in old dating baggage just clogs the
enjoyment of the evening and can create early feelings
of being uncomfortable.
best to keep the conversation on a bright and fun
note because a lot of "first impressions"
are being formed during this date - the most important
date that you'll ever have with this person. Talking
rash of serial murders hitting the city is a good
way to dampen a good conversation. Try to refrain
from all negative subjects and keep things on a positive
and uplifting level.
Tell Him/Her if You Enjoyed the
If you had a lot of fun and feel that you "clicked"
with your date, be sure to let him or her know that
you "had a lot of fun". This is vital,
because it reveals an important part of how you felt
about the date to the other person without making
them guess after the date is over.
Ladies - due to the "anonymous" nature
of the online world, it's always important to make
sure you are in a neutral and comfortable environment
for the first date. This means meeting your date
in a very public place and making sure that others
know where you are at and who you are with.
Online dating is a lot of fun when meeting
the right type of people. Improving the flow of communication
will help that magic begin.
> Perfectmatch.com - The best approach to find the one.
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