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Dating Triumphs and Tragedies
by Nicole Roberge

When Will I Find the Right Man?

I’ve been on a slew of dates lately, telling myself that that’s what young, single, gals do.  It is a part of life, after all.  But recently, it seems as if I’ve just been going on one, two, and then maybe a third date, and that’s it, because by the third date, I usually know it’s going nowhere.  And often, I usually have that hunch at the beginning, yet I let it go further just to see if something’s there, but in recent cases, there’s definitely not.

I have to wonder if all the decent guys just checked out for a while.  If perhaps they’re taking a break from dating.  Or if my dating radar has just gone bonkers, like me.  I’ve tried online dating, I’ve tried meeting people, I’ve even tried re-dating people I’ve dated in the past—which usually results in the fact that we were just better as friends.

Sometimes it baffles me how people meet.  Some people fall in love and get married right away, while others date for a while and then all of a sudden, meet Mr. Right and get married later in life.  I’m starting to wonder when my time will come.  If anything, I’ll probably be writing this column for a long time.  I’m not hopeless and do enjoying meeting and dating new people.  It’s just the issue of getting past that third date.  That’s a toughie.

My sister met her husband in college.  They were together for six years and then married.  This October they will celebrate their second anniversary.  It seems a lot of people find love in college, some even in high school, but I was too busy exploring other opportunities in college to deal with dating.  I was, shall we say, a little independent, and, truthfully, hopping around coffee shops chasing after boys with guitars.  Yes, I still have a thing for rock stars.  Hmm…maybe some day.

Then there are people in my life who met the right one, right away.  A friend of mine met the woman he was going to marry at the age of sixteen.  That’s right, sixteen!  He knew from the moment he laid eyes on her that she was the one.  Now in his thirties, he is happily married with two adorable little girls.

My grandparents have been married for fifty-four years, and my grandmother was just asking me about my dating life recently and if I had met anyone special.  I told her I had just dated someone, but it was just one date and I didn’t think it was going anywhere.  “Well,” she told me, “your grandfather wasn’t the first person I dated.  He may think he was,” she said, laughing.  I guess not everyone marries the first person they date, though when you’re a little girl dreaming of your wedding day and the prince to sweep you off your feet, it is a nice thought.
           
But back to the real world, Nicole.  I’m not a little girl anymore, and dating sometimes seems like a job.  A tough one at that.  How many guys will I have to meet before I find the right one?  And don’t some of these dating websites promise compatibility?  I think they’re a little off sometimes.  I’ve met some guys that I have absolutely nothing in common with, that it’s almost hysterical.  But then comes the weirdness.  I thought the date went horrible and then I get a text message saying, “I had so much fun last night.  What are you doing next weekend?”  It baffles me sometimes.  I guess the perception of how the date went can differ.  Which again, makes the world of dating unique and different for everyone, and sometimes, a little odd.

There was a close call once.  I had met a great guy who I was swept up in a quick romance with.  It was as if we were destined to be together.  We hadn’t known each other long, but pretty soon we were talking about a future, and that future seemed pretty clear for me.  I thought it was the end of my dating days.  Until one day, it was the end of my dating days with him.  It was discouraging, especially when it had been such a happy and hopeful time, but these things happen.  I won’t forget that time with him, but I did have to learn to move on.

People say dating is a game, but that’s a hard way to look at it when it’s your life.  The thing is not to get discouraged because it takes a while to meet someone you really connect with.  For some people, they do know right away.  For others, it takes time, but when you do meet that person, it will be worth it.  I know that somewhere out there, there is a guy who is perfect for me, and I for him.  We just haven’t met each other yet.

Dating Triumphs and Tragedies is published every Sunday by Online Dating Magazine columnist Nicole Roberge. She can be reached at [email protected].