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Dating Triumphs and Tragedies
by Nicole Roberge

I'll Have Fries With That

When dating, or in a relationship, many people often question where they stand with their partner.   I don’t mean whether they are next to them or in front of them, but what the relationship means.  Does he think it’s as important as she does?  Is it going somewhere or fading fast?  Is dating this person merely something to fill the time?  These might be questions going on in your head, but ones you may be too afraid to ask.

There are cues you can pick up on, however.  When you are with him and talking, is he fully engaged in conversation, or quiet and looking around?  Does he change the subject while you are talking?  Does he truly want to know how your day was or does he just ask because he thinks he should?  Some people get caught up in his supposed interest and don’t realize it is just a means to an end.  Not to sound negative, but those cues can signal the end of a relationship.

My male friend was dating a gal who was very needy, and he did everything for her, which was quite exhausting for him.  But at the same time, he craved a relationship and hoped things would change and work out.  Many times, we find ourselves thinking things will change, and so often, they don’t.  In this case, they didn’t.  He had to call it off, but it took several attempts for it to get through to her.

That’s the hard thing about dating and relationships—sometimes, one person is on a different page than the other.  Then again, that’s what dating is.  Trying to find the right person who you are compatible with.  It can take a lot of time and energy, but in the end, when you find that person, it’s worth it.  In the meantime, you need to know where you stand.  If you aren’t a mind reader (if you are, lucky you), then it can be difficult to judge where the relationship is going, unless you are completely open.  Yet with dating experience comes the ability to be a good judge of character, and hopefully you find that you know what you want before you get wrapped up in a dating web that is difficult to get out of.

Let’s take a hamburger, for example.  Yes, that’s right, a hamburger.  Maybe he uses ketchup.  Perhaps you are that ketchup.  Not really, it’s just an metaphor.  You are the condiment, his accessory.  If he loves ketchup, can’t live without it, goes nuts if he can’t find ketchup to put on his burger, won’t even eat it without ketchup, that’s a good thing.  That, in the early dating stage, means he wants and needs you around.  But if he can take it or leave it, use it if he has it, and if it’s not there, is fine without it, that might signal trouble.  Ketchup is not a necessity for the burger, it just adds something to it.  Do you want to be ketchup?

No!  You want to be fries!

Fries are what really make the burger.  Fries compliment the burger nicely.  You don’t put them on the burger of course.  They sit beautifully together, side by side.  You can’t have a burger without fries.  If you do, something is lacking.  He is the burger, you are the fries.  When you are separate, you are missing a little something.  When you come together, you are a meal, and it is magic.

Be the meal, don’t be the condiment.

Then maybe one day, you’ll be the milkshake.

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Dating Triumphs and Tragedies is published every Sunday by Online Dating Magazine columnist Nicole Roberge. She can be reached at NicoleMRoberge@hotmail.com.