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Dating Triumphs and Tragedies
by Nicole Roberge

Finding Happy

A couple weeks ago, in my column, “Just Be Yourself,” I talked about Gavin, the guy I currently liked, and Ted, the guy who liked me this past summer, but who I just wasn’t into.  Well, a lot has happened in the past two weeks, and to my surprise, it involved both of them.  Yikes.

The good news or bad news first?  Good news?  Okay.  Well, to give you a refresher, Gavin was the guy that I met in Connecticut but lived in another state.  We met, stayed in touch via phone, and he was the one I seemed to click with, but when would we click in person?  Well, it happened this past week.  I went up to see him and spent a few days up there and it was magical.  He’s one of those people who I feel like I’ve known forever.  And he feels the same way.  Not to sound dorky, but it’s true.  And we can joke around and make fun of each other, and it’s fine.  And now…we’re…attached.  Can I say the real word here?  Girlfriend/boyfriend?  I don’t know.  I leave it to your imagination.

Anyway, he left a message that he was just hanging on, and wondering how I was and to give him a call and he hoped to hear from me.  Uh-oh.  I didn’t call him back.  Now, don’t yell at me.  Because it’s a lose-lose situation.  If I called him back, it would have encouraged him, and then I would have had to explain yet again my disinterest in him, and that I was seeing someone else.  By not calling him back, it probably let him down a little, but it probably sent the message, and he can probably really move on.

I’ll admit, it was risky of him to call, I give him credit, but, also kind of pushy.  I told him if anything changed (this was during the summer) that I would call him.  And he said he understood.  Apparently, he didn’t.

It’s just disappointing because I feel like I’m finally happy and here comes Touchy Teddy all ready to ruin the fun, make me feel bad, and make me worry about things.  I finally found something good, and the ghosts of dating past are back again.

Often times, we do think of our past dating experiences, whether good or bad…but we think of them.  Or occasionally, we might have the awkward chance of bumping into them.  But it’s not all that often that they call so many months later, randomly, after you hadn’t been dating that long, and harass you.  Maybe that’s just in my world.  Maybe he wanted to give me something to write about.  Thanks, Ted.

So often in my life, I’ve felt burdened by other people’s feelings, that I haven’t been able to look at my own.  Normally, I would focus on him and ignore my own happiness, and then this current relationship would self-destruct.  But I know I can’t do that.  I know that Ted’s issues are Ted’s, and I can’t fix them.  I have to leave him with them, and hope that he can move on with his life and be happy, just as I am trying to do, and am.

And to all of you in similar situations, I suggest the same.  I know this whole dating thing is hard.  Feelings get hurt, hearts get broken, except sometimes, they get put back together.  That’s what you need to focus on.  The good moments.  The potential.   Knowing that even though one relationship ends, it doesn’t mean there’s nothing out there in the future.  Times passes, and you meet people in the most unexpected ways.  You just have to hang on to the good things, and let go of the bad.  Easier said than done, but you’ll be much happier if you do. 

Dating Triumphs and Tragedies is published every Sunday by Online Dating Magazine columnist Nicole Roberge. She can be reached at NicoleMRoberge@hotmail.com.