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Dating Triumphs and Tragedies
by Nicole Roberge

Danger: Books on How to Meet Women

If meeting men isn’t difficult enough, and you never know who you’re going to come across, well then hooray, there is a book out there brainwashing men into thinking it is easy to meet women.  It is called: MACK Tactics: The Science of Seduction Meets the Art of Hostage Negotiation.

That’s right, it’s written by a hostage negotiator who tries to turn his skills into the ways of meeting women.  Is meeting women that hard that a hostage negotiator really needs to train men how to do it?  I think not, but this guy does, so read on.

They claim that M.A.C.K. tactics “arms men with the confidence, knowledge and skills they need to conquer the dating game and succeed with women on a whole new level.”  Since when do women want to be conquered?  We want to be understood.  They say the book is about self-improvement, but really, it’s about manipulation.

It seems tacky to me.  I mean, if I were on a date with an actual hostage negotiator, I wouldn’t even think that he was using his tactics on the date.   Why would I?  Am I that much of a threat that a hostage negotiator would have to “talk me down?”  But the fact that a book ties in these tips with dating advice just makes it all the more absurd.  It makes dating seems like a farce or a game, when that is completely not the case.  Dating is communication between two people, not one person having more control over the other, and that is what this book seems to display.

Considering this book, I thought about my own dates.   Had I ever been in that position when I needed to play “hostage negotiator?”  Did I ever need to talk my date down from the wall?  I don’t think so.  Well, maybe not.  There was one guy who was so over the top that I was trying to get him to settle down, but I don’t think that’s the case with this book.  This book is trying to tell you how to have confidence to talk to women, but does it in an extreme way.  Almost fake.  And if that is the approach you are taking, how will the person get to know the real you?  Personally, I would never want to date a guy who read that book, or any other book, for that matter, that spread ideas about how a date should or should not go.  It should come naturally.

No one can advise you about what a date is supposed to be.  Personalities are different and when you meet the person, you will ease into conversation—hopefully.  That is what dates are.  It’s not a matter of conquering the other person in conversation, or showing who is bolder than the other.  You don’t want to talk down to the other person or show more confidence than them, like this book suggests.  You want to be yourself.  And if you aren’t the most confident person, so be it.  You will slowly get to know the person you are with, and that is all in the process of dating.

The point is that you don’t need a book to tell you what to do.  I always say, go with your gut.  That is your best judgment.  Usually, you can tell right off the bat how you feel about another person.  Sometimes you can’t, but that’s good.  That is where conversation comes in and getting to know a person really comes in.  Dating is not easy and a book doesn’t hold all the answers.  You don’t either.  They will come in time, but taking it step by step is a good thing.  Don’t use any bizarre tactics, just do what you do best.  Be yourself.

I know it’s easy sometimes to read advice and think that’s what you have to do to make your date the most productive, and yes, sometimes advice does help.  But in the end, it is you who has to make the right decision.  It is you who knows best.  You know who and what makes you happy.  So no tactics, just decisions.  And hope they will be the right ones.

Dating Triumphs and Tragedies is published every Sunday by Online Dating Magazine columnist Nicole Roberge. She can be reached at [email protected].