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Dating Triumphs and Tragedies
by Nicole Roberge

Crushes and Love
Just a Litte Crush... or Not

I wonder about crushes versus love.  Yes, we all have crushes.  Those sweet things we adore when we are young and believe that they will be our one true love…even though those who that are older than us tell us otherwise.  Boo on them.  But we do believe it.  It seems there is no other way.  We are meant to be, and that is it.  Ahhh… true love.

Wouldn’t it be nice if the true part were true?

I hate to break it to you, but most often, it is not.

It’s a good question, because I don’t really know what it is. Maybe you can help me.

What is, in fact, true love? I thought I found it at one point. A fabulous guy, an astounding guy, who was miraculous, a sweetheart, who would do anything for me…. but after a while, he disappeared.  Should I say, “like any other guy?”  Yikes, that’s jumping to conclusions..  He was just on his own adventure.  But still, where is that special guy?

The thing is, we all think we find that special guy.  Everyone finds that special guy.  If I spoke to any random girl, she would each have her own special guy that she was waiting for.  Sad, but true.  These guys are not special.  Sure, they think they are, of course.  But they are not.  These girls think they are because they are looking for someone to comfort them, to reassure them that all is well and that they will be ok, but truth be told, and excuse my language, but these guys are…bastards.  Okay, I said it…it’s true.  They want to cuddle up to girls, cozy up and say, “It’ll be ok.”

Because it will, and they will get all they want.

Listen girls, you are stronger.  Don’t let some jerk lead you down the wrong path.  You know their story and it’s wrong.

Stay strong!  You got it!

But, what is it like on their end?  Here I am calling guys “jerks,” when they could be highly offended by that, and have every right to be.  Most often, someone gets hurt in a relationship and wants to lash out.  But who Is deserving of the lashing?

I have one friend who was so distraught when she hadn’t heard from this guy in a long time.  Suddenly, he reappears and tells her he doesn’t want anything to do with her.  She was devastated.  She knew he had been going through a tough time, and all that time that their communication was broke, she tried so hard to help him, and for what…to be forgotten?  But months later, she heard back.  She got an apology and he explained his “tough time” and how much he appreciated her.  She took him back, and they are very happy now.  Sometimes, it’s just a waiting game.

I have a another friend who had a crush and thought they were going to be married.  Yet, no one told him that.  I mean, she had it all planned.  That’s where crushes get over-escalated.  He thought she was a nice girl but wasn’t so into her, and yes, she was miserable over it.  Even though they were never a pair, she was devastated.  I think it took her longer to get over this “breakup” than a “normal” person would.

Crushes can be just as real as a relationship it seems.  You invest yourself in a person and make them out to be something they are not.  It takes hold of you and almost cripples you.  When you are in a relationship, it’s different, because you truly know the person, fault and all.  A crush, well, you just hold them on a pedestal, they have no faults.  Getting over a crush or a true boyfriend is tough either way, but with both, you do need to get over them.  Sometimes, these are just people to hold us over until we do find that “true love,” if it exists.  Otherwise, it is a learning lesson, and an important one.  Love comes in all different shapes, and doesn’t always work out.  People often face heartbreak, and it is difficult, but when you do mean the right one, it will make it all worth it.  Your crush becomes a reality.

Dating Triumphs and Tragedies is published every Sunday by Online Dating Magazine columnist Nicole Roberge. She can be reached at NicoleMRoberge@hotmail.com.