First, don’t play hard to get. Men and women both like someone who’s forthright and open with his/her feelings and intentions. That’s not permission to come on strong, overly suggestive or the like, but the point is to speak your mind in a respectful way while simultaneously heeding your intuition about what to say, how to say it and how often to say it. See my article on intuition here.
Second, don’t hound someone online, because women usually put up with tons of emails, IMs and automated “winks” from men. I would write no more than two or three times a day. If your style is to write long messages, then send fewer emails. If your style is to write short, pithy messages, then you can send more of those. The key is to write in a way that saves your prospect time -- because women have a huge demand on their time on online dating sites. As you get to know her better and you feel a genuine attachment is forming, then you can up the pace and content of the emails.
Recent research shows what topics women like to talk about online, as well as what issues are major turn-offs. Knowing this information might help to guide your messages so you come across as interesting and most importantly, safe.
Women’s Top Ten Favorite Conversation Topics
Women’s Top Ten Least Favorite Conversation Topics
When it comes to how you write messages, I also have some pointers. Certain behaviors turn-on and turn-off women. Keep these six principles in mind…
My boyfriend and I have been dating for one year now. We dated in the past, but broke up because he was unfaithful. We have known each other for 10 years. My boyfriend has an issue with online dating sites and pornography sites. He hasn’t actually contacted anyone since we have been together, but he has in the past. He visits these sites I’m guessing to see what other fish are in the sea. Is there something I’m doing wrong? How can I make my boyfriend change this?
Is Cyber-cheating ever okay? That’s a question you need to answer for yourself. Some couples set expectations really well and have a clear understanding of what’s acceptable and unacceptable in the relationship. If a couple agrees that cyber-flirting isn’t cheating then all’s fine. However, I suspect you’re extremely uncomfortable with it, and that’s understandable.
Frankly speaking, your boyfriend is a serial cheater. He cheated in the past, and those urges are still there. It’s likely he’ll act on them again for two reasons. First, he’s psychologically weak, self indulgent and selfish. Second, he thinks he can get away with it with you. In particular, he cheated before and you still took him back. That has set the precedent for him to “have his cake and eat it too.” Further, you’re assuming that he’s neither contacted nor visited anyone recently from the online dating sites he’s on, but how do you know for sure. If you know anything predictable at your boyfriend, it’s that he can’t be trusted.
I might sound harsh, but you need to know that you’re not responsible for his behavior. You aren’t causing his selfish, impulsive behavior… he is. This means that you’re powerless to stop it, and it’s not your responsibility to stop it for him. If you’re doing anything “wrong,” it’s tolerating his behavior. In a way, he’s doing you a favor by showing you his true colors before you take the relationship to a new level and get more deeply attached to him. Even though you can’t change his behavior, you can change the situation. Leave him and find someone who deserves your love, commitment and friendship. This boyfriend is not a friend; he’s a headache and heartache now and can probably only offer you bigger headaches and heartaches down the road.
Dr. James Houran's "Office Hours with Dr. Jim" column is published every Monday.
Online Dating Magazine content, including the content on this page,
Do you agree or disagree with this
blog comments powered by Disqus
Online Dating | News | Columns | Features | Dating
Services | Niche
Online Dating Directory | Dating Humor | Quick Tip Articles | Online Dating Industry
Industry History | Online Dating Reviews | Reader Reviews | Dating Videos | Book / DVD Reviews
Reader Letters | Self Improvement | Experiences | Newsletter | Interviews
Top 10 Lists | STD Info Center | About Us | Advertise
Media Center | FAQ | Search | Contact | Dating Promotions
content on this Website is ©copyright by Online
Dating Magazine. All Rights Reserved. The content
on this site may not be reused or republished.
you an online dating site Webmaster? If so...
If you are looking for free dating content you can republish, click here