Online Dating Magazine > Columns > Office Hours with Dr. Jim > Stress and Single Parents

Office Hours With Dr. Jim
by James Houran, Ph.D

In this column, "Dr. Jim" honestly and candidly answers your questions about dating, love and sexuality. He doesn’t tell you what you want to hear – he tells you what you need to hear. Dr. Jim is committed to offering you guidance based on responsible clinical practice and hard data from the latest scientific studies. Send Dr. Jim your questions today for consideration in an upcoming issue.

Symptoms of Stress in Single Parents

Quick Access:
What Symptoms are Associated with Stress in Single Parents

What are the symptoms of stress in single parents?

Normal – the lowest level, defined by the normal ebb and flow of slight physical and psychological stresses.  Overall, few, if any, symptoms bother the person.  This is not to say that from time to time the person doesn’t feel lonely, a little worried, or hesitant about getting back into the dating game. But for the most part the person is fairly relaxed about the curve balls life throws. There are no physical symptoms or emotional hang-ups serious enough to keeping the person from functioning well as a parent, an employee, or a single adult in search of new relationships.

Unsettled – a slightly elevated level of stress, defined by a mixture of optimism and pessimism. The person likely feels happy more often than not, but the stress is clearly starting to get to the person. Indeed, there’s a good chance the person is consistently feeling overwhelmed by circumstances. Such feelings likely also manifest through a few noticeable physical symptoms like spontaneous waking early in the morning or a generalized fatigue. On top of this, the individual is having a more difficult time relaxing than before. Nervousness increases, sometimes building into full blown anxiety. While this tension can stem from any number of sources, it is especially noticeable when the person is in social situations that involve meeting new people, or when you take the first steps toward reviving a dating life.

On Edge – a moderately elevated level of stress, indicating that stress has gotten out of hand for the person. Being around others can improve such a person’s mood, but the symptoms of stress are largely at an unhealthy level. Negativity dominates, and strong and consistent feelings of depression, anxiety, and tension ensue. Physical symptoms become worse, and the person may start trying to medicating himself or herself with over the counter medications or alcohol or other substances in an attempt to feel better. But self-medication does nothing more than provide a short-lived relief from symptoms, while creating or contributing to other problems in the long run.

Super Stressed – the highest level of stress, defined by clinically significant physical and psychological symptoms. The combination of tension and feelings of hopelessness or anger can encourage outbursts towards others, and even harm towards oneself. Sadness and depression seem to be severe, resulting in constant crying for some. Anger pointed inward has evolved to self-hate, and physical symptoms have escalated into actual illness at this stage. Overall, those experiencing this intense level of stress typically find they have an extremely limited ability to function in daily life. It is often obvious to family and friends that the person needs professional support in order to cope.

People with low levels of stress often can rely on their own resources to relieve stress, while people at high levels of stress need a combination of self-reliance and social support. It is important thing to gain a sense of control and accomplishment – while at the same time surrounding yourself with people and resources that reinforce this.

Here are ten additional tips to help reduce stress in your daily life:

1) Make yourself at home
Personalize your workspace. Surround yourself with photographs of home, posters from favorite movies or plants and flowers. Familiar, homey-objects help relax tensions.

2) Keep toys on your desk
Having something physical and mental to do at the same time helps reduce anxiety.

3) Tackle the most stressful tasks first
As we become more tired, our stress defenses go down, so it’s best to handle the most stressful events when your body is most alert and rested.

4) Resist the urge to multi-task
Reduce the number of balls you’re juggling and reduce the tension and stress. In fact, recent research shows that multi-tasking can be very ineffective.

5) Replace the phrase “I have to . . .” with “I get to . . .”
Even the most miserable of tasks seem easier and less stressful if you get to do them. By removing that feeling that you “have” to do something, you’ve reduced some pressure and stress.

6) Cut out the coffee, hot chocolate, and soft drinks
Caffeine causes anxiety and increases the perception of stress.

7) Drink some orange juice.
Scientists have discovered that vitamin C can reduce the production of stress hormones. Eat an orange, drink some orange juice, take a 200 mg. supplement, or eat other foods rich in vitamin C like broccoli, brussels sprouts, cabbage, caulifower, tomatoes, peppers, potatoes, strawberries, grapefruit and cataloupe.

8) Eat a sweet
When you’re feeling really stressed, take a minute and eat a bite or two of candy (watch out for chocolate, which has caffeine in it). Researchers have found that stress levels go down when we consume sugars.

9) Exercise
Getting away from sources of conflict and exercising for just a couple minutes can reduce stress remarkably. If you can get away for a walk, that’s even better. Get some oxygen into your body by breathing deeply. If you can stop and breathe deeply for ten minutes a couple times a day, you can reduce your stress dramatically.

10) Sing to yourself on the way to and from errands
Or sing any time you’re feeling stressed. This tip does double duty, music and singing relaxes the body and by singing you breathe more deeply. Depending on your voice, however, you might create more stress from the people around you.

Related Links:
» Online Dating for the Single Parent

> Try Perfectmatch.com - The Best Approach to Finding the Right Person for You. <

All Online Dating Magazine content, including the content on this page,
is © copyright by Online Dating Magazine and may not be
republished or reused in any form. You do have
full permission to link to this article.

Do you agree or disagree with this article? Have
more to add? Submit a Letter to the Editor today.