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JENNIFER'S GEMS
by Jennifer Brown Banks

The Buzz on Mama's Boys

No doubt you've heard of “baby mama drama.”

But, have you ever dealt with the madness of dating a man who has yet to sever the umbilical chord from his birth mom—guys categorically known as mama's boys?

Here's his M.O....

> He still lives at home even though he earns a good living.

> He allows his mom to weigh in on all professional and personal decisions, including matters of the heart.

> He defends his mom even when she's unkind and unfair to you.

> He compares you to her, and tries to make you more like her.

Sound familiar?

Well this phenomenon is so common, that a reality show was recently launched with this theme as the focus.

In fact, the bachelors featured on the show were fine and fabulous and “eligible” in every other way,  if I do say so myself!

The problem? They lacked the maturity and spine to follow their hearts and to make decisions based upon their own preferences and lifestyle choices.  Like the one guy that gave a pink slip to a Black woman that his mom did not approve of simply because she was not Jewish.

Another fella' decided to forego a relationship with a contestant on the show who had a colorful “past”.
Both decisions were based upon the mom's final words.

Even Tyra tackled this topic.  In a February forum, she had guests appearing that were plagued with this problem.  One mom had the audacity to say that her overly-grown son could live with her for as long as he wanted! She still made his bed for him, cooked, cleaned... the whole nine yards.  This wouldn't have been so bad, had it not been for the apparent pain this was causing his live in girlfriend, whom had just given birth to his son a few months prior.

Stop the madness!

If you're still unsure of whether your man truly fits the criteria of a mama's boy, heed the following guidelines posted at MARSVENUS.COM

Ask yourself the following questions:

> Are you number 2 on the speed dial while his mom is number one?

> Does he expect you to cut up his meat at dinner for him?

> Do many of his sentences start with “mom always says...”?

Okay, now that you have the 4-1-1 on identifying the negatives associated with this common character, consider these guiding factors before deciding whether to date him or ditch him .

THE PROS

• Things could be worse.  He could be addicted to drugs, or chronically unemployed, or a philanderer, on the “down low.”  And depending upon how serious his “affliction” is, he could still “grow” out of it.:-) Besides, men who have good relationships with their moms, who respect them and treat them well, are usually caring mates.
  
  
• If you are able to make his mom your friend, you have a powerful ally and support system in her.

 THE CONS

• Unless you're a “nanny”, no one wants to raise someone else's child.
  
  
• It's difficult to compete with someone who has known him since birth, and who was his very first “girl.”
  
  
• The stressors that this type of relationship can bring can contribute to poor health, and a lack of peace.
  
  
• If you give him an ultimatum, many times he'll choose her.
  
  
• Have self esteem issues already? Then this situation will only aggravate your current condition.
  
  
• If you decide to stay, and he doesn't change, you''ll grow to resent him and feel cheated rather than treasured.
  
  
• If you don't confront this issue you could make it worse by becoming an enabler.

Armed with this information, you can make intelligent decisions regarding your love life and your quality of life. Choose wisely.

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Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.