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JENNIFER'S GEMS
by Jennifer Brown Banks

Sensitivity Training for Today's Man
(Are You Emotionally Arrested?)

I apologize for this politically incorrect title.  I promise, I struggled for quite some time to figure out how to word this article, after many false starts, well…this is what I came up with. 

And it fits.

Before we get started though, let me preface my column by stating that I am not in to “male bashing.”  I repeat…I am not in to male bashing!  My best friends are primarily men.

With that being said, let me say this: some of you really need to get your act together.  I am truly amazed that in the year of 2008, a significant number of guys still don’t have a clue as to how to relate to the opposite sex, how to get what they want, and co-exist in harmonious relationships. 

Yet, many say that they are in the market for a wife or significant other. 

Go figure. :-)

What I am about to offer up in the way of advice may be considered like a remedial course for some of you out there, while for others it will serve as a saving grace.  Trust me.

In my professional and social associations with the opposite sex over the decades, I am often baffled as to why guys who are movers and shakers in the business world are real rough around the edges when it comes to delicate affairs of the heart.

Why is that?

Here’s how to simply connect the dots: many of the qualities that allow for success in the corporate arena, work well with women and relationships too! Take for instance principles like follow-up, performance, protocol, timing, integrity, attendance, diligence, competition, and motivation.

For the sake of edification, let’s look at a few of them.

COMPETITION
In most situations men are fierce competitors.  Whether it’s on the ball court, in the boardroom, at a card game, or at the pool hall.  They like to be the best.  They like to brag and take on challengers.  They are skilled and strategic because they know that “keeping the eye on the ball” and being consistent pays off!  In relationships…not so much.

Here’s the typical scenario.  Boy meets girl.  Boy pursues girl.  Boy wines and dines girl.  Boy gets girl.  Boy drops the ball!  He stops doing the things he used to, he no longer speaks words of affection and admiration, and before he knows it, some smooth talking guy has recruited his girl for contact sports! 

The lesson here: There’s always competition, be consistent and put forth your best effort to go the distance!  Strive to be a winner, not a whiner.

MOTIVATION
You know how many jobs offer “incentive plans” to encourage, acknowledge, and reward good performance and excellent attendance. 

Well, women have them too!  It works like this.  Honesty, integrity, intimacy, understanding, kindness, compliments, holiday and birthday cards, simple stuff-- will get you rewarded with affection, loyalty, home-cooked meals, pampering, and a few special pleasures.  Game playing, lies, laziness…will without a doubt get you pink-slipped.  No work? No perks.

INTEGRITY
On planet “Venus” honesty in words and actions means much, and requires so little.  If you really want to impress, “keep it real.”  Don’t say one thing and do another. Don’t say you’ll call if you won’t. Keep your word and keep her best interest at heart.

PERFORMANCE
Nobody likes a slacker.  Relationship success requires genuine effort and a fair amount of give and take.  Man up!  In the words of singer Beyonce, “Don’t you ever get to thinking you’re irreplaceable!”

PROTOCOL
Would you quit a good paying job before finding another one?  It’s likely not.  Before walking out on a situation with one female, make sure that the “grass is indeed greener” where you’re going.   And give proper notice.  Don’t just stop calling or offer no exit explanation.  It’s tacky and painful.  Besides, burning bridges unnecessarily is always a bad move---professionally or personally.

Hopefully these suggestions will go a long way toward increasing your understanding of how women are wired, and lead to success in matters of the heart.  We sometimes push because we simply want you to be your best-- because when you are, it brings out the best in us!  And that’s a marvelous thing.

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Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.