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JENNIFER'S GEMS
by Jennifer Brown Banks

How to be
"Black Book" Worthy

A lot of chicks spend a great deal of time and money at beauty parlors and nail shops, believing that outer beauty is the key to success with the opposite sex.

No doubt, men are indeed visual creatures. 

But unless there is something to back up good looks, the unenlightened girl will find that her popularity will fade when she’s replaced with someone even prettier.

The savvy sister realizes that it’s not how she looks, but how she makes a man feel that keeps her name in his little black book. 

Don’t believe me?  Look at all the homely women on the arms of hunks. In the words of Maya Angelou, they’re “not cute or suited to fit a fashion model size.”

Yet these women’s social calendars would cause your jaws to drop! Their names are kept in the Black Books of men far and wide.  And it has little or nothing to do with sex.  Want to know their secret?  They are in demand because they are “phenomenal women”.

Here are 20 tips on how you can be a phenomenal woman:

1) Be pleasant to be around, as well as pleasant to look at. 

2) Don’t be a chronic complainer, nor come across as being stuck on yourself. You’ll wear out your welcome fast!

3) Be well rounded. Can you dance?  Speak another language? Speak sports? Quote scriptures?  It’s something to strive for.

4) Don’t air your dirty laundry to potential suitors.  Most times they really don’t care.  At least not initially.

5) Have a good sense of humor; it puts others at ease and makes the mood light.

6) Be a good listener.  Don’t monopolize conversations, or look bored.  Ask engaging questions to reflect interest in the other person.

7) Dress sexy without appearing sleazy.  Leave something to the imagination.  Dresses and skirts are always nice and feminine and go over successfully.

8) Be well read. It doesn’t have to be something heavy like War and Peace. Anything that stimulates conversation is a good start.

9) Be Smart and savvy---It’s a fallacy that men don’t like smart women.  A secure man will appreciate your intellectual value and be impressed by it.  Just don’t be condescending or boastful.

10) Be Genuine--- Forget what all the so-called “experts” say.  Be the best you that you can be, without the games and manipulation.  If he doesn’t accept it, then he’s simply not the guy for you!

11) Be sensuous and sensitive--- It’s an awesome combination!

12)  Be appropriate---About what you choose to share with him.  Reveal yourself in layers, through the progression of time.  Your personality and life details should unfold like an intriguing suspense novel, not like a quick tabloid.

13) Be gracious—Don’t call him on the carpet for every slight or mistake.

14) Let him know that he’s appreciated.  Whether it’s through words, small gifts, or affection.  Send him a naughty Email or text message.

15) Pamper him, when he deserves it.\

16) Be a good sport.  Sometimes take the occasional camping trip, or accompany him to a party with friends that you may not be crazy about.   And we’ve all probably had one or two to speak of.

17) Be a decent cook.  Even if you can only cook one or two dishes, it will make him feel fussed over and special. There are a number of online recipes that are great to try.

18) Let him do the chasing.  I don’t care how progressive we are as a society, part of the thrill for men is the chase!

19) Read him poetry.  It’s a nice personal touch.

20) Have your own opinion and your own money.

Follow these 20 tips and you’ll be the woman he can’t stop thinking about.  The one who remains in that little Black Book!

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Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.