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Online Dating Experience 25
Old Flame Spreads Fast
46 year old female
from New York
This relates to someone I had known for
YEARS.
We dated briefly in the 70s. He left to go to another
school and I never heard from him again until April
2002, when he emailed me "out of the blue." Seems
he got my email address from Classmates.com.
He was unemployed since October 2001 and was then
online with me IM'ing every day. We caught up and he
very quickly initiated an emotional affair with me.
He found out that I am disabled and divorced and have
two small children. He seemed very supportive and used
the old friendship to move very fast with the new one.
I wanted to have lunch or coffee with him and catch
up. He was moving way too fast. He was pushing to meet
me at a hotel right away but I told him no, not until
we had met a few times. I also told him I was not comfortable
getting involved with someone who was married with
two children himself. After telling him this he would
distance himself from me for a few weeks and then
come back.
Because of my prior relationship with this man, I
defended him and made excuses. I told him this and
he did nothing other than distance himself for weeks
and when
he came back it was as if the emotional stuff NEVER
happened. (if you tell your online friend something
serious and they run - its a red flag!)
I remembered him as a very sweet person in college.
He was the great love of my life (thank god I never
told him that). We continued talking for many months
as friends.
In January 2004, I introduced him to an online female
friend of mine in California who is very involved with
similar things as him. She helped place an article
he wrote in a couple more places. Three weeks ago I
learned that shortly after I introduced them - he initiated
an online affair with her. He has a pattern of "LOVE
BOMBING" his new contacts until he no longer needs
them. Then he degrades & devalues them and eventually
either they ditch him or he disappears.
Then I got an email from a friend and they showed
me websites where he is registered at every "sex
partners wanted for discreet relationship" site
on the net under his same old usual nick and makes
NO EFFORT to hide that he is married, has kids or
even EXACTLY WHERE HE LIVES!!! This freaked me out
because his wife works at home - any psycho could
go there...
He's been snooping around lately (9 months later)
emailing my friends and going to websites I frequent
- no direct contact though.
Please check sites with databases like manhaters.com
(don't be put off by the name - actually a nice site)
and cheaterdb.com to see if that guy/girl you met online
is the real deal. Even if you know them, check them
out thoroughly.
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