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Online Dating Experience 14
Online Dating is Too Exhausting
37 year
old male from California I have to echo the difficult experiences
of some of your other male correspondents. My own "tenure" online
has been unproductive, even exhausting. I really should
have known better. I signed up two years ago and had
the same problems. But it's so seductive: for just
$34.95, I can write this seemingly intriguing creature
who is just ... sitting ... there ... waiting ... for
... my .. email. Ha!
The online process tends to favor women. The women
I know who use these services receive many, many letters
from potential suitors. One has gone on hundreds of
dates (but has yet to click with a guy). By contrast,
none of the men I know have had many dates. In my case,
out of perhaps two-hundred contacts I initiated, I
had one date (she was very beautiful, but looked different
from her photos, and I didn't find us otherwise compatible).
Not everyone can like the way I look, of course, nor
like the way I express myself online. But -- gosh!
-- I'm attractive enough. (Just ask all my friends!)
And I find getting a date when I talk to a woman in
person SO much easier.
I know a couple of people with online success stories.
All of them resulted from the woman making the initial
contact. A woman who works down the hall from me found
her husband online, and my friend J. received an email
from his wife-to-be.
I believe a curious mix of cultural legacy and anonymity
create an environment that works to no one's advantage.
Men mostly do the contacting, because they're "supposed
to," and they do a great deal more contacting
than they should. There's no social cost online --
no embarrassment of possible rejection. The thought
becomes, "I'll just contact everyone and see who
responds." So the women are flooded with emails,
and the men wonder why the two or three women they
really liked didn't write back.
I'd hate to think that I'd stopped using online services
just before someone really great came along. On the
other hand, if it's true that it's a "numbers
game," then the numbers aren't working in my favor.
Two-hundred to one just doesn't do it for me.
I'm letting my subscription lapse. Maybe I'll come
back to it. But for now, I'm hanging out at the deli
counter at the local supermarket. There, at least,
I can actually talk with a live, in-the-flesh woman!
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