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Online Dating
Experience 07
Too Many Dates - Perfection Does
Not Guarantee Success
36 year old male
from California
Hi... I'm very sorry to hear about the
bottom-of-the-barrel men that your readers seem to
be encountering! However, even though it sounds like
I am the kind of guy everyone is looking for, my luck
with online dating has been tepid at best.
I look like my picture and I have more than one posted.
I'm tall, I have no horrible disfigurements and I
am, at the worst, average looking. My profile has no
typos and I know how to spell!
On my first dates I am a perfect gentleman. I drive
to her area. I hold open doors, I listen to what she
has to say and I pay. I try to be a little more creative
than a coffee date, since those end up seeming more
like interviews than dates. At the very least I opt
for coffee and window shopping!
I don't bring up exes, I don't talk about everyone
else that we may have dated and I generally have an
outgoing, cheerful personality. Women love a guy that
can make them laugh and I know I have my bases covered
in that department.
At the end of the date, depending on how it goes,
I'll always give a hug and at the very most (if the
chemistry is there) a simple but meaningful kiss.
I'm not looking for one night stands or to serial
date... I want to make a connection.
Yet, despite all this, after a year of online dating
I have yet to find her.
I get maybe a 10% response rate to the emails I send
out. Of the women I actually meet, only a small number
of them seem to have their heart in it and I often
feel like I'm simply #3 of 5 this week.
Sure, I can't expect to be everyone's cup of tea,
but I wonder if the sheer number of choices presented
to women online have a negative effect on their ability
to find Mr. Right.
If a woman has even a moderately attractive picture
she will be inundated with email. Even women with NO
picture get their fair share! By and large, the traditional
male/ female roll continues online, with men doing
the asking and women doing the picking.
What this means is women could be presented with dozens,
even hundreds of men to choose from! She could date
a new guy every night of the week if she was so inclined.
What does this mean for the guy that actually gets
a date with her?
No matter how great the date may be, the alternatives
will always be on her mind. If she doesn't think you're
100% perfect, she knows there are more where you came
from. Even if she has a wonderful time, chances are
within a few hours of the date being over, she's back
online and reading the latest email from her potential
suiters. And hey, guess what? This guy is 8% cuter
than the one I met tonight! So she starts emailing
him, makes a date and before long you are a fuzzy memory.
Repeat.
In the old days, if a girl met a decent guy that she
found even a little attractive while she was out in
the 'real world', they would go out and if the date
was reasonable they'd go out again... and this would
keep happening until she decided he was right for her
or not.
It was very unlikely that she had a whole bunch of
OTHER dates while she was evaluating you... and certainly
wasn't meeting potential new dates at the rate of
5 or 6 week (or more).
Every guy worthy of a fair shot got it. The relationship
had a chance to play itself out.
Given the number of choices a woman has with online
dating, she seems less inclined to give a guy even
a second date unless he seems to be absolutely perfect.
Good guys slip through the cracks and eventually the
woman might even get fed up at going on so many dates
and still not meeting 'the one.'
Maybe it's not the guys, but the process!
It's not surprising that some of the best experiences
I've had have been with women who DIDN'T post a picture.
They get far fewer emails and therefore have a much
more relaxed time with the whole experience. They know
that the guys writing aren't just interested in looks
and it's probably a safe bet that none of the guys
who do contact them are just looking to get laid.
So, ladies, do yourself a favor - plan ONE date at
a time. Try not to think about all the other guys you're
eager to meet - remember, it only takes ONE great guy
to make you happy... and if it doesn't work out, well,
those other guys and their emails will still be waiting
for you.
And you might want to try saving that picture for
the guy who cares enough about what's inside to write
you sight unseen. Sure, he may just be desperate, but
he could also be the sweet, caring and mature guy you're
looking for!
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