Savvy Singles
by dating expert Tonja Evetts Weimer

How We Date in Today's World

It wasn’t just the circumstances and the setting that made yesterday’s date seem so antiquated.  In a new century, in what seems like a new world, a new dating consciousness has emerged. 

Perhaps my dating experience was particularly eccentric, but when I was in high school, in Bakersfield, California, the boys from the city who drove 10 miles to the country to take me out were met by barking dogs, cowboys riding by on their way to the arena, bawling cattle, stray chickens, an occasional goat, and my five-year-old brother, jumping out of the bushes swinging his rope.  He could rope anything, including a guy who was unprepared for any of this, on his way to the front door to escort me on a date.  Besides dogs, cattle, chickens, and strangers, my little brother could also get his loop around car bumpers, license plates, and hood ornaments.

This was my introduction into the dating world.  It would be years before I reached any awareness that dating was about more than feeling flattered because I was going out with popular cute guys who were willing to drive to Pumpkin Center to pick me up—and who would also tolerate my little brother trying to rope them.

But in a world far different than what existed just yesterday, we are dating in a new world with new opportunities.  It is true that some things never change.  People today still have a longing to find their love, and still are vulnerable to having an aching broken heart, but who could have imagined internet dating, transatlantic relationships, cell phones, text messaging, instant messaging, and a multitude of choices?

Even with the advanced technology that can be used to help people find a mate, I feel the greatest change that has occurred for singles today has been the tectonic shift in the bedrock of awareness: YOU, the individual, can take control of meeting your great love.  This new consciousness of dating comes from greater self-knowledge and an attitude about taking responsibility for your own happiness.   Naturally, all of this has had an impact on—how we date.

What does dating look like today?  Here are some of the new precepts that shape the actions and thoughts of an American single:

1. Taking responsibility.
This one can be hard to swallow, but when it goes down, it will set you free.  Today’s successful single knows that if you don’t have what you want, you have to take some actions to get it.  It isn’t enough to sit at home alone and moan about how there isn’t anyone out there to meet.  There are actually more singles today than ever before in our history, and if you want to meet one of them, you have to go out—over and over and over.

If you are serious about meeting someone special, you have to raise the volume in the number of people you meet so you can increase your chances of finding THE ONE.  You have to go new places, tell people you want to meet someone, and attend every party and reunion you are invited to.  It takes practice, determination, and stamina.  In today’s world, it also takes courage.  But if you want to date in Today’s World—take responsibility. 

2. Exposure to a larger world.
Do you hear yourself saying, “There’s just no one to meet in this little town…?”  Not long ago, people who were isolated in the country or who lived in small communities were limited in who they could meet.  Because of that, they often settled for less than what they wanted in a relationship.  Today, however, the Internet brings possibilities that were never before dreamed of.

I have a client in Oregon with a boyfriend in Maine whom she met through a dating site.  They travel back and forth to see each other and they work out their schedules so they can spend long periods of time together.  In today’s world, communication systems and access to long distance travel have minimized isolation obstacles.

So—no more excuses!  There IS someone to meet in some town somewhere.

3. Choosing a positive life.
Do you think you will meet Mr. Right?  Dating gets a lot easier with the discovery of the power of your thoughts.  In today’s world, singles don’t have to be victims of negative thoughts and negative lives.  You can change your thoughts, actions, and circumstances by redirecting your focus.  You can change habits, friends, and behaviors that will help you achieve what you want.  Avoid toxic pools.  They’ll make you sick.  Get yourself positive and choose positive.

4. Tapping into talent.
Do you have talent?  Of course you do!  In the new world of dating, nothing is more attractive than someone who has found and uses his or her talent.  Men and women today are drawn to accomplishment and the electric energy that comes from doing what you love and getting good at it.

What does your dating world look like?  If you think it is not as good as it should be, there is hope.  Right around the corner from your taking the necessary actions to meet someone, is the person you are looking for.  And it won’t take a rope to catch him.

Tonja Evetts Weimer, M.A., is an award-winning author and Master Certified Single’s Coach and Personal Life Coach. Her Savvy Singles column appears every Friday in Online Dating Magazine. You can email Tonja at tonja@tonjaweimer.com, visit her website a www.singlesdatingtips.com or www.tonjaweimer.com, or call 864-294-9494.

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