Savvy Singles
by dating expert Tonja Evetts Weimer

How to Make Dating as Easy as A B C

Do you remember what you learned when you were five? You learned your A B Cs. If you remember, that was hard work then. Now that you are an adult, you get to learn them all over again. Only this time, they are easy. They’re also a little different. They are the ABCs of dating.

When you first look at them, you may feel like a kid again. They may seem too hard or too much work to do. Like, “Whoa…what’s this?” But, I ask, do you want to meet someone?

It is true that you can get a lot of misguided messages out in the world about how to date. Negative thinking comes to you from everywhere, like the TV, movies, books, friends, family members, and even—you. There is a chorus of voices that says, “You’ll never get who you want!” But, if you use the “Dating A B Cs,” you CAN have who you want. Honest.

A is for Accentuate
Oh my, but we spend a lot of time and money looking at what’s wrong with us. If you are single, now is the time to ACCENTUATE what is right with you.

I have a client who has large ankles. Every conversation about why she can’t meet someone begins and ends with this reason. Someone told her once that her pantyhose were wrinkled around her ankles. She said, “I’m not wearing pantyhose.” She uses this example as to why she is unattractive, unlovable, and unworthy.

What she could not see was that she had a nice figure and a lovely face. Any number of outfits could have camouflaged the ankles and played up what was attractive about her. Furthermore, when someone complimented her, she didn’t need to stop them with, “Oh no, I’m not pretty—I have large wrinkled ankles.” She needed to just smile and thank them.

Take a look at what qualities you have that you can accentuate in your appearance. Following that, note your strengths in your work and your personal life. Build on those assets and remember—focus on the positive.

B is for Believe
I am now carrying a new banner for all single people that reads, “BELIEVE!” Believe that there is someone wonderful waiting for you; longing for you; looking for you. They could be just around the corner so you need to get ready. Take a look at the following questions:

» Do you have a space in your life for this person? Do you have time in your schedule, room in your living space, and enough energy to sustain a relationship? If not, now is the time to clean up your home, your office, and your life. Make your spaces everything you have always wanted them to be within the budget you have to live with.

» Do you get out often so you can be seen? If not, you need to make plans to get out at least once or twice a week to new places. Do not go to the same watering hole, week after week, expecting to find someone new. Do you tell people you want to meet someone? If not, tell everyone. Do you get on the Internet? If not, you are missing a great connection tool. The point is this: how can your True Love find you if you are hidden away?

» Do you unconsciously agree with people (friends, family, coworkers, media) who say there is no one to meet? Do you think the opposite sex is uncaring, cold, manipulative, and commitment phobic? Perhaps it’s time to rethink these beliefs.

All of the above are ways we dig a hole for ourselves and then wonder why we can’t get out of it to meet our destiny. BELIEVE love is out there and then take action to find it.

C is for Communicate
Here is a new rule to implement:

If you’re going to date,
you must communicate.

Repeat those words several times to yourself. No one’s job, life, or relationship ever flourished without open, kind, communication. Communication means that in order to get what you want you have to tell people what that is. Everyone I know who has a committed relationship got it because they COMMUNICATED what they wanted. They didn’t drift along, thinking the other person was going to say or do or be what they wanted.

Communication also means listening. If you have your life reasonably together; if you are kind to yourself and others; and most of all, if you can take care of yourself financially, you will possess a better set of ears to hear what is and isn’t said. If someone says they aren’t ready for a committed relationship — believe them. Be grateful for that message so you don’t waste your time trying to create a partnership where one was not meant to be.

This is what it takes to learn your new A B Cs. It’s never too late to learn them. When you do, you’ll be prepared to read the signs and signals for dating. Someone wonderful waits for you…an Absolutely Beautiful Companion.

Tonja Evetts Weimer, M.A., is an award-winning author and Master Certified Single’s Coach and Personal Life Coach. Her Savvy Singles column appears every Friday in Online Dating Magazine. You can email Tonja at tonja@tonjaweimer.com, visit her website a www.singlesdatingtips.com or www.tonjaweimer.com, or call 864-294-9494.

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