Savvy Singles
by dating expert Tonja Evetts Weimer

Does Your True Love Know How to Find You?

More than once in your life, you have probably been told, “You have to know who you are.” But being asked that question may not be the easiest thing to answer. If you are alone and looking for your life partner, you can get confused. One day, you may think you are a movie star, and the next, you may have trouble thinking anyone would ever want to date you. Your self-image can ride the rollercoaster of too high, too low, and too fast.

Why is this “knowing who you are” so central to meeting your True Love? Because when your love meets you, he or she has to be able to recognize you. You need your own authentic identity. Marketing people might call it “branding”. It is how you present yourself and contribute in the world.

Take a look at the following to find out who you are:

1. Do you think you should have inherited a kingdom and then you wouldn’t have to do all this work? Knowing who you are NOT and what you do not want in your life is a good place to start on your path of self-discovery.

2. Can you throw the door wide open on your life and be happy about what everyone sees? Looking at how you live your life now tells you a lot. If you don’t like your life, spend time thinking about and visualizing how you would like it to be. Then take the steps, one at a time, creating it the way you want it. Ask yourself: What do I want more of? What do I want less of?

3. Are you tired of being around people who just want to complain…about everything? Spend more time with people who care about the substance of their conversations and actions versus those who are mindless about the meaning and purpose of their lives. The attitudes of the people you hang out with affect you more than you know.

4. You can’t get rid of yourself. Who you are has already been shaped. You CAN spend time discovering what you value, what you must have in your life to make you happy, your talents, your taste and style, your unique abilities that can become skills with education and practice.

Why is it so important to know who you are?

» Do you want to attract a great person? If you act phony, you are going to attract the phonies. When you have reached some measure of comfort and pride about your identity, however, you send out signals that are irresistible. You do not have to go chasing after love—you become a magnet to what you want when you are shimmering with the energy of your own life and possibilities.

» Are you a sucker for the “beautiful life”? Do you buy into the glitz and the glam? If you are feeling balanced in your life, you won’t get confused by the media messages. TV, movies, and icons of fame portray a false ideal of how you should look, behave, or become. Comparing yourself to Hollywood stars and models and finding yourself to be less than they are is unrealistic and unappreciative of what you bring to the world.

» Are you afraid to find your own answers? Do you know where to look? You look within. You do not look to fake images to tell you how to live your life.

» Can you can step into yourself and wear your new identity? Are you proud of who you have become? You should be. You don’t look and sound like anyone else. It is a joy to be with you.

» Has your awareness increased? Do you now know yourself better? If you do, you can see more of others. You can appreciate the traits and differences of people and allow them to be who they are without judgment.

» Do you understand values, boundaries, integrity, and self esteem? If you don‘t, spend some time learning about them. People feel safe around you when you possess these qualities.

» Are you afraid to apologize when you have made a mistake? You don’t need to be. We all screw up. When you know that you are wrong or that you do not understand something, it does not make you less of a person. You can be big enough to learn from others.

Who are you? You are a great person just waiting to bust out of your current idea of yourself. You can be totally proud of who you are, knowing you are relevant in the world, and you can start today to discover the person you have always wanted to be. Being you is the most important gift you have to offer others. Everyday is like Christmas when you’re around. This is how your love will find you.

Tonja Evetts Weimer, M.A., is an award-winning author and Master Certified Single’s Coach and Personal Life Coach. Her Savvy Singles column appears every Friday in Online Dating Magazine. You can email Tonja at [email protected], visit her website a www.singlesdatingtips.com or www.tonjaweimer.com, or call 864-294-9494.

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