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Dating Magazine > Columns > Savvy
Singles > Who You Are
 Savvy
Singles
by dating
expert Tonja Evetts Weimer
Editor's
Note: Online Dating Magazine
extends a warm welcome to our newest columnist, Tonja
Evetts Weimer. Tonja has 30 years experience as a dating
expert and has served as a relationship specialists
for TV productions. Every Friday, you'll be able to
read Tonja's newest column for singles... savvy singles,
that is.
Know
Who You Are:
Get What You Want
More
than once in your life, you have probably been told, “You have to know who you
are.” Did you ever stop and think, “What
in the world are they talking about?” The people
who say this the most, are usually the ones who are
clueless about themselves.
In
what often feels like an upside-down world, knowing
who you are is easy to say but not so easy to do.
Sometimes, it’s difficult
to stay focused and clear. But if you are alone and
looking for a life partner, knowing who you are as
a single is critical to finding who you want to spend
your life with. People are automatically drawn to someone
who has an interesting life and is fueled by their
own energy.
The
point to knowing who you are is central to the following:
When your true love meets you, how will he or she
recognize you? How exactly do you show up in the world?
Once you know, take who you are and make yourself the
best possible person you can be. Polish your skills,
attributes, characteristics, and personality.
It’s never too late to find out
who you are. At any point in your life, when you know
yourself, you will attract others who are ready for you.
Think about the following:
1.
Confused about where to begin?
Ask yourself what
you don’t want. Knowing
who you are NOT and what you do not want in your life
is a good place to start on your path of self-discovery.
2.
Looking at how you live right now tells you a lot.
If you don’t like your life, spend time thinking
about and visualizing how you would like it to be. Then
take the steps, one at a time, creating it the way you
want it. Ask yourself: What do I want more of? What do
I want less of?
3.
Choose to be with winners.
Spend more time with people
who care about the substance of their conversations
and deeds more than the quantity of the goods they
can buy. Those who are mindless about the meaning
and purpose of their lives can distract you from
your unique path. The attitudes of the people you
hang out with affect you more than you know.
4.
You can’t
get rid of yourself.
Who you are has already been shaped.
You CAN spend time discovering what you value, what you
must have in your life to make you happy, your talents,
your taste and style, your unique abilities that can
become skills with education and practice. Get to your
basic character strengths and make sure you are living
from them. Example: if you are artistic or creative,
be sure that your life provides the time and the outlet
for you to express that characteristic, or you will suffer
lethargy, depression, or despair.
Why
is it so important to know who you are?
If
you are single, you can attract the person you want
into your life because you send out signals that
are irresistible. You do not have to go chasing after
love—you become a magnet to what
you want when you are shimmering with the energy of your
own life and possibilities.
When
you are grounded in your values, you do not become
confused by the media icons of how you should look,
behave, or become. Comparing yourself to Hollywood
stars and models and finding yourself to be less
than they are is unkind, unrealistic, and unappreciative
of all that you bring to the world. To know who you
are is to focus on your strengths and be responsible
and happy for them.
When
you know who you are, you are not afraid to look
within to find your own answers to your unique challenges
in your life.
You
can step into yourself like a new suit — more
and more each day — and wear your newly discovered
identity into the world and be proud of it.
Your
awareness increases. As you know yourself better,
you can see more of others. You can appreciate the
traits and differences of individuals and allow people
to be who they are without judgment.
You
develop your standards, boundaries, integrity, and
self esteem more clearly. People feel safe around
you when you possess these important qualities.
You
are not afraid to apologize when you have made an
error. You know that admitting you are wrong
or that you do not understand something does not
diminish you as a person. You are big enough to hear
and learn from others.
Who
are you? Who do you want to become? Think carefully
before answering. If you are not sure; if you are
not totally proud of who you think you are; or if
you think you are capable of being more relevant
in the world, set out today to discover and create
the person you have always wanted to be.
Knowing
and being who you are is the most important gift
you have to offer others. It is also how you will
attract your love.
Tonja
Evetts Weimer, M.A., is an award-winning
author and Master Certified Single’s Coach
and Personal Life Coach. Her Savvy
Singles column appears every
Friday in Online Dating Magazine. You can email Tonja
at tonja@tonjaweimer.com,
visit her website a www.singlesdatingtips.com or
www.tonjaweimer.com,
or call 864-294-9494.
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