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JENNIFER'S GEMS
by Jennifer Brown Banks
How
to Make Nice with His Mom
I
may not qualify for MENSA membership, but when it
comes to matters of the heart, I’m a pretty
smart cookie; smart enough to recognize that if
a man means a lot to me, his mom is someone I want
as a friend and not a foe. And you should too.
Think
about it.
She’s the first woman in his life.
She dried his tears, calmed his fears, and supported
his dreams. He can tell her things he can’t
tell you. He asks for her input. In many instances,
she serves as his judge and jury.
Under
the right circumstances, this
woman who may be giving you
the blues, can also give you
insight into who he is and
how to get along better with
him. She can be an ally when
you and your honey are at odds,
and be a very valuable member
of your “team.”
So,
if you want to see yourself
in this guy’s future,
you need to make peace with
this mainstay from his past.
You don’t want to “win
the battle, but lose the war.” (Unless,
of course, he’s a man
who has an estranged or bitter
relationship with her; which
to me would mean he might not
be good mate material). In
fact, I’m amazed at how
many women overlook this important
aspect of dating and mating.
Food is not the only “way
to a man’s heart”.
If you want to be really savvy,
consider his relationship with
his mom as another passageway!
Here’s a case in point:
I
was watching the Dr. Phil show a while ago, when
this topic was tackled. A gentleman
who was a guest on the show
was anguished because he was
being torn between his wife
and his mother. Their volatile
relationship had him at odds,
divided their family, caused
majored stress, and made everybody
miserable. Clearly there were
no winners to be declared in
this ongoing family feud. It
had even gotten so bad, that
the police had to be called
in to the situation.
There’s
a better way to co-exist. And
as a woman who has always fared
well in this arena, I can tell
you that it makes for a win-win
situation for all!
Here
are 12 Ways to "Make Nice" with His Mom:
1.
Start off on the right foot---As the expression
goes “you never get a
second chance to make a good first
impression". When meeting her
for the first time, put
your best foot forward. This
is not the time to correct
his posture, comment on family
gossip, or come across as being
loud and loose. Be yourself,
but don’t let it all
hang out.
2.
Recognize that the two of you already have
something in common… which
is his best interest. Don’t
let minor differences divide
you.
3.
Keep things in proper perspective. You don’t
have to “love her”---
just learn to get along. Think
of it like a work situation.
How many times have we had
to be cordial and diplomatic
to a boss who was an idiot,
(for the sake of peace and
professional gain)?
4.
See the good in her and there
has to be something. If he’s
a decent guy, give her credit
at least for the fact that
she raised him right!
5.
Be genuine. Most moms can spot
a fake a mile away.
6.
Be kind with compliments. Can she cook
well? Is she a decorating diva?
Then let her know that you
notice.
7.
Be appropriate. Don’t
reveal too much about your
past, your personal views,
or other intimate issues.
8.
Show a sense of humor. It’s
a treasured trait, and will
ease tensions.
9.
Ask her opinion. This will help her to feel
less excluded in the life you
share with him.
10.
Respect her. It’s a small gesture
that goes a long way.
11.
Buy her a thoughtful gift.
It will enhance her view of
you. Unless of course, it’s
a power tool or self-improvement
tape!
12.
Never compete or compare. Remember that there’s
room in his heart and high
regard for both of you!
To
quote a famous expression, “a
house divided can not stand.”
Jennifer's
Gems is
a weekly column written by award-winning poet
and writer, Jennifer
Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click
here to read her welcome letter.
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