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JENNIFER'S GEMS
by Jennifer Brown Banks

10 Ways How to Win His Heart if You're Not a "10"
(or "What Plain Jane Knows")

Ask any previously “confirmed” bachelor what ultimately brought him to the altar, and you’d be surprised at the answer. Chances are, this Casanova had many women woo his heart. Some even with “super model” makings.

But more times than not, the woman who wins him over won’t be extravagant in appearance. She may or may not wear designer labels, or be perfectly polished. Yet, she’s “beautiful” in his eyes.

Though studies confirm that men are “visual creatures” and are drawn by physical attributes, that’s not what their hearts “respond” to. That’s not what keeps them “rooted.”

Think about it. How many times have you witnessed a celebrity hunk hanging on the arms of a less attractive mate who made you wonder what her secret was?

Or you’ve gone goo-goo over a guy whose girlfriend paled to you by comparison?

Though “beautiful people” may be favored in life, they’re not always the luckiest in love.

A classic case in point would be that of Camilla Bowles and Princess Diana. When Prince Charles was rumored to still have had romantic ties with Camilla, even after marrying Princess Diana, (who was gorgeous and gracious), many of us sisters were scratching our heads trying to figure out what went wrong. No disrespect intended, but Camilla couldn’t hold a candle to Diana even on her worse days! What was going on?

It’s a secret that seems to elude many women. An age-old wisdom that us “Plain Janes” know: it’s not how you look, it’s how you make a man feel that’s most important!

For the record, Plain Jane does not mean a girl is not pretty--often she is. Just not in a glamorous, made-up sort of a way. It doesn’t mean she’s not well maintained—usually she is. But she feels just as sexy and comfortable with jeans and a tee shirt, as she does in designer wear.

You won’t find her spending excessive time and money at spas and beauty parlors, because she recognizes that “true beauty” emanates from within.

HERE’S WHAT WE KNOW AND WHAT YOU SHOULD LEARN
(10 ways how to win his heart if you’re not a “10”) :

1. BE ATTENTIVE
Men like women who are fully engaged. Listen to his dreams, his fears, his heart. And keep his confidences.

2. BE OF “GOOD CHEER”
Too many women lose at love because they carry excess emotional baggage, have hidden agendas, and hold grudges. Strive to be pleasing to the sight and soothing to the soul.

3. BE ABLE TO COOK (SOMETHING!)
It’s true that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Take a culinary class or 2, or ask mom for some of the family recipes. There are also great meal ideas available online. And even if you can only whip up a few dishes, it will make him feel comforted and cared for.

4. BE WELL ROUNDED
Are you one dimensional? Or do you have a myriad of interests, experiences, talents, and friends? Be interesting as well as interested.

5. BE A PARTNER
Not a doormat nor a damsel in distress.

6. BE SMART AND SAVVY
It’s a fallacy that men don’t like smart women. A secure man will appreciate your intellectual value and be impressed by it. Just don’t be condescending or boastful.

7. BE YOURSELF
Forget what all the so called “experts” say. Be the best you that you can be, without the games and manipulation. If he doesn’t accept it, then he’s simply not the guy for you!

8. BE SENSUOUS
There’s a time for being “a good girl” and a time for being a girl who’s good.

9. BE KIND TO THE PEOPLE THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO HIM
His mom, sister, friends, etc. (whenever possible).

10. BE SELECTIVE
Be selective about what you choose to share with him. Reveal yourself in layers, through the progression of time. Your personality and life details should unfold like an intriguing suspense novel, not like a quick tabloid.

Follow these ten commandments of seduction and you’ll be the perfect temptress (even if you’re not a perfect “10”!)



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Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.


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