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 Office Hours With Dr. Jim
by James
Houran, Ph.D
In
this column, "Dr.
Jim"
honestly and candidly answers your questions about
dating, love and sexuality. He doesn’t tell
you what you want to hear – he tells you what
you need to hear. Dr. Jim is committed to offering
you guidance based on responsible clinical practice
and hard data from the latest scientific studies. Send
Dr. Jim your questions today for consideration
in an upcoming issue.
Online
Dating is Stressful
Quick
Access:
What to do when Stressed from Online
Dating
I find online dating nerve
racking and stressful, so what can I do?
Online
dating seems like it should
be fun, yet people constantly
put pressure on themselves
to find that perfect
partner, or
at least answer every email
and wink that comes their way.
In this sense, online dating
can be stressful. It can also
be tense for those who try
to fit it in an otherwise hectic
schedule. Taking care of yourself
and your stress levels can
enhance your online dating
experience.
People
at lower levels of stress often can
rely on their own resources
to relieve stress. But people
at high levels of stress need
a combination of self-reliance
and social support. It’s
an important thing to gain
a sense of control and accomplishment – while
at the same time surrounding
yourself with people and resources
that reinforce this. Here are
some tips to achieve these
goals:
» Cut
out the coffee, hot chocolate and soft
drinks - Caffeine causes anxiety
and make things more stressful.
» Keep “toys” by
your computer - It gives you
something physical to do and
mental at the same time, and
helps reduce anxiety. Also
surrounding your computer with
photos and other personal trinkets
like posters from favorite
movies or plants and flowers
that establish the area as “your
territory” is helpful
for relaxing tensions.
» Tackle
the most stressful tasks first - As we become more tired,
our stress defenses go down,
so it’s best to handle
the most stressful events when
your body is most alert and
rested. Save the online dating
visits as a reward once your
other tasks are done. Otherwise,
you may become preoccupied
while talking to that special
someone.
» Exercise - Getting away from sources
of conflict and exercising
for just a couple minutes can
reduce stress remarkably. If
you can get away for a walk,
that’s even better. Get
some oxygen into your body
by breathing deeply. If you
can stop and breathe deeply
for ten minutes a couple times
a day, you can reduce your
stress dramatically.
» Eat
a sweet - When you’re
feeling really stressed, take
a minute and eat a bite or
two of candy (watch out for
chocolate, which has caffeine
in it). Researchers have found
that stress levels go down
when we consume sugars.
» Drink
some orange juice. Scientists
have discovered that vitamin
C reduces the production of
stress hormones. Eat an orange,
drink some juice, take a 200
mg. supplement, or eat other
foods rich in vitamin C like
broccoli, brussels sprouts,
cabbage, cauliflower, tomatoes,
peppers, potatoes, strawberries,
grapefruit and cataloupe. Heck,
feel free to snack while online.
» Sing
a song - This tip does double
duty, music and singing relaxes
the body, AND by singing you
breathe more deeply.
» Stop
multi-tasking – Recent
research suggests that multi-tasking
is not necessarily productive.
The more balls you have in
the air, the more stress you
can feel. Reduce the number
of balls and reduce the tension
and stress. When it comes to
online dating, this means to
go online when you have uninterrupted
time… and once online,
try to talk/IM with one person
at a time!
> Try Perfectmatch.com - The Best Approach to Finding the Right Person for You.
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