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 Office Hours With Dr. Jim
by James
Houran, Ph.D
In
this column, "Dr.
Jim"
honestly and candidly answers your questions about
dating, love and sexuality. He doesn’t tell
you what you want to hear – he tells you what
you need to hear. Dr. Jim is committed to offering
you guidance based on responsible clinical practice
and hard data from the latest scientific studies. Send
Dr. Jim your questions today for consideration
in an upcoming issue.
The
Dating Habits of Men
Quick
Access:
Male Dating Habits
This
is part 2 of the three part series, "Dating Habits
of Men". To read part 1, click
here. To read part 2, click
here.
Men,
you’re free to email
me if you disagree with anything I say, or if you
want to elaborate or clarify something. Women, you’re
free to send
your comments and experiences as well. We’ll
explore your responses in later installments.
Dating
Habits of Men – Part 3
If
a guy seemed to like you and called afterward,
but didn’t try to kiss you on the date, what’s
that say?
That
usually says he’s
a polite person who doesn’t want to come
across as too forward or intrusive. Guys are usually
not shy about being physical with women they see
as casual dates, but they’re more reserved
when they actually sense there could be potential
there for something more. Guys don’t want
to scare away real love prospects. Also, the guy
may have wanted to kiss the woman but he didn’t
sense enough “go” signals to make the
move. Ladies, if you want the guy to kiss you on
the date, then give him the “kiss me look” and
maintain eye contact for as long as possible. He’ll
get the message!
When
a guy doesn’t want
to see you again but you have plans, why do they
sometimes postpone a date—and leave you hanging
on—instead of just canceling it?
Contrary
to what some people say, guys have souls and they
can be made to feel guilty. Men hate to hurt women
feelings. And they really hate strong shows of
what they perceive as “negative” emotions.
Men like to be problem solvers, not problem creators.
So sometimes men try to do what they see as the
honorable thing and keep a date. Here again, it’s
up to the woman to take the lead and give the guy
a clear out without being made to feel guilty or
bad.
Following
up with a text instead of a phone call—what’s
that say about a guy?
Women
text as much as men, but men are usually neither
hardwired biologically nor raised to be verbally
expressive. Women are. Men like communication tools
that are direct, efficient and almost business
like. “Texting” is simply short hand
version of email. It also removes a guy emotionally
from an interaction – no awkward pauses,
body language or chances to make a fool of oneself.
It would seem often to be an expression of insecurity.
Women can handle this simply by texting back, “Call
me, I miss your voice” or “Call me,
I want to hear your sexy voice.” That sends
the message that you want a call and it does it
by playing to the guy’s ego. Men love that.
Do
any other behaviors come to mind that guys consider
normal but women sometimes interpret as “gamey”?
I
would add that sometimes women feel men act differently
when they are alone versus with their guy friends.
And this change in attitude and behavior can be
quite dramatic, obnoxious and confusing to women.
Guys can act irrationally when they’re around
their friends – male bonding can involve
grandstanding and posturing and certainly not strong
displays of certain emotions. However, when a guy
is with you privately, his sensitive side shows
itself. Women need to know that men are not always
acting; they’re showing different sides of
themselves. Men have different sides to them – at
work, at play and on a date. Each side emphasizes
a different aspect of their personality, so they
can appear to be chameleons.
That's it for the three part series on
Dating Habits of Men. Feel
free to send me your comments or questions and we'll
explore them in a future column.
Related
Links
Dating
Habits of Men (Part 1)
Dating
Habits of Men (Part 2)
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