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 Office Hours With Dr. Jim
by James
Houran, Ph.D
In this column, "Dr.
Jim"
honestly and candidly answers your questions about
dating, love and sexuality. He doesn’t tell
you what you want to hear – he tells you what
you need to hear. Dr. Jim is committed to offering
you guidance based on responsible clinical practice
and hard data from the latest scientific studies.
Send
Dr. Jim your questions today for consideration
in an upcoming issue.
This
Week:
Free Dating Sites
Are Free Dating
Sites Worth My Time or Are They Full of Losers?
Just a few years ago there used to be a social stigma
about online dating services, namely, that people who
went looking for love through the computer was lonely,
desperate, and putting themselves at great risk to
their personal safety. Fortunately, that stigma has
largely been healed through greater public education,
as well as the countless success stories with online
dating reported in the media. Unfortunately, there
now seems to be another stigma. This question highlights
it well.
To answer this question really well, I sought the
expertise and perspective of Markus Frind, a well-known
and highly respected industry insider. He’s also
the owner and site operator of arguably the most successful
free dating site on the planet: Plentyoffish.com. Let
me be clear here – this is no advertisement for
his website. While I have a ton of respect for what
Markus has achieved, I wanted to get his candid answers
to the new social stigma that free dating sites are
lesser quality in their service and members. I’m
not afraid to admit that he simply knows more about
the free dating site genre than me. Here’s his
perspective –
Dr. Jim: Why did you start Plentyoffish.com?
Markus: I started Plentyoffish.com because
I had to learn a new programming language. I didn't
want to
buy pointless books I'd never read so I created a dating
site to teach myself. At the time all the sites were
paid and I figured I could do a far better job given
the chance.
Dr. Jim: Does the number of free
dating sites outweigh the number of paid sites?
Markus: Nope, most of the free sites
go paid. Currently there are really only three or so
free sites with more
than two thousand visitors per day. Plentyoffish is
12 times bigger then the closest competing free site,
and that gap is growing. An online dater’s other
options are social networking sites, at least in the
United States. A site like MySpace.com it
is three times the size of the entire dating industry!
Finding someone
to date is difficult on MySpace and other social networking
sites, because many of their members aren’t there
for dating. I should also mention that there are not
many search tools on those sites, but if you have patience
you’ll find a lot of people there!
Dr. Jim: How do free sites compete
with paid sites?
Markus: I compete mainly by offering a better product
for free. There’s really no competition, as Plentyoffish.com grows in leaps and bounds due to word of mouth. I just
focus on making Plentyoffish.com the best dating site
there is.
Dr. Jim: What do you say to the skeptics
out there (like the reader who submitted this question)
who argue
the quality of members on free sites is poorer than
on paid sites?
Markus: Well, many major sites allow women to use
their service effectively for free, because it doesn’t
cost money to reply to messages. So, does that mean
all the women are low quality? The second argument
critics tend to use is that everyone on free sites
are under the age of 18. The truth is that 77.3% of
members of Plentyoffish.com are 25 or over.
I can also turn the question around and argue that
paid sites have lower quality members. In the offline
world, desperate singles will pay $5,000 for a dating
service to match them up, and men will pay hundreds
for escorts. This behavior is mirrored on paid dating
sites as they make the vast majority of their money
off the adult sections or “marriage only” services.
Dr. Jim: Give us your best argument
why an active online dater should choose a free site
over a paid
one.
Markus: The largest dating sites
at any given point in time only have 1% of the single
population as subscribers,
and that typically translates into someone active in
the last three months. Plentyoffish.com,
at least in Provinces like Ontario, Canada, has 1%
of ALL singles logging
in and USING the service every single day. That’s
something that all paid dating services combined cannot
match. In another four months in Ontario we’ll
have 2% of all singles using the service every day.
In the United States we’re effectively the 3rd
largest dating service and gaining market share very
rapidly. There’s no reason not to try Plentyoffish – it’s
free and easy. Most importantly, unlike paid sites,
as online dater won’t risk losing $30-$50 each
month for no results.
My take away
from Markus’ arguments is that
questions of “quality members” can be raised
against any and all online dating sites. To some degree,
every online dating site has the equivalent of “free
members” due to promotional offers or site rules.
As a result, online daters shouldn’t equate “free” with “undesirable.” Actually,
a good case can be made for the opposite. Online daters
can effectively augment whatever services they pay
for now with services offered by entrepreneurs like
Markus Frind. This is because the nature of free online
dating sites inherently draws a multitude of eligible
singles – and the membership numbers tend to
intimidate even the largest of paid sites. Moreover,
it seems that most people join free sites and make
them successful due to word-of-mouth advertising. That’s
an important point to keep in mind. It’s one
thing to hear about how wonderful and effective a site
is from the PR department or marketing arm of an online
dating service; it’s quite another to hear legitimate
and uncensored feedback from actual online daters.
It’s our hope at Online Dating Magazine that
this visit with Markus and Plentyoffish.com helps relieve
some of the stigma about free sites that seems to be
out there in some circles. On a professional note,
I want to close with one final thought. Free dating
sites can be wonderful services, but in my book I particularly
respect them as invaluable learning tools. Seasoned
online daters can get much out of free sites, but I
especially recommend giving them a try if you’re
a single just getting into the online dating scene.
Here’s a marvelous opportunity to get comfortable
with the culture and process of online dating but without
committing serious money as you do on most major paid
sites. Believe me… buyers’ remorse is not
an aphrodisiac.
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