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 Office Hours With Dr. Jim
by James
Houran, Ph.D
In this column, "Dr.
Jim"
honestly and candidly answers your questions about
dating, love and sexuality. He doesn’t tell
you what you want to hear – he tells you what
you need to hear. Dr. Jim is committed to offering
you guidance based on responsible clinical practice
and hard data from the latest scientific studies.
Send
Dr. Jim your questions today for consideration
in an upcoming issue.
This
Week:
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes - Will it Last?
As a relationship
expert, do you think that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
will break-up like recent media reports predict?
Yes, I’ve studied love and attachment. And yes,
I’ve studied the psychology of celebrities and
fans. But, I certainly have no crystal ball to tell
what relationships will last and which ones will crash
and burn. Still, I can say that celebrity couples face
the same compatibility challenges that we all face – except
their challenges tend to be more intensified. Consider
the fact that major celebrities have little time, no
extended periods of personal or relationship privacy,
they have often artificial images to live up to, and
constantly filming love scenes does not really help
relieve feelings of jealously that partner’s
may have. All of these factors strongly work against
celebrity couples – be they two A-listers, two
B-listers, or some combination thereof.
But, there’s another, more important, point
I want to make. Media reports and news articles on
celebrity couples really highlight our society’s
fascintation with fantasy relationships. Psychologists
refer to it as “parasocial relationships:” one-sided
relationships where we can know celebrities to some
degree but our affection, attention and loyalty to
them will never be reciprocated. I think Western Society
cannot live without celebrities. Western societies,
in my opinion are entertainment saturated- and media-
saturated cultures. This combination fuels our preoccupation
with celebrities. They are entertainment vehicles – pure
and simple – and I liken their main functions
as “fueling the economy” and serving as “role
models.”
This is anecdotal, but I feel there is a strong relationship
between celebrity worship and technology. While there’s
always been celebrity worship, technology has taken
it to a heightened level. Prime time news programs,
entertainment “news” shows, the Internet,
and other advanced forms of communication allow fans
to get almost any amount of information on almost any
celebrity at almost any time. This “instant” fix
probably reinforces and deepens the “addiction” people
have to celebrities.
It does this by promoting in people the illusion that
we can actually know and develop a relationship with
celebrities. In essence, people seem to confuse having
a lot of information about a celebrity with genuine
intimacy. But now, more than ever before, technology
allows fans to “get closer” their favorite
celebrities – that is, the distance between fans
and celebrities is getting smaller and smaller everyday.
I think two of the main implications of this. First,
the demarcation between news and entertainment has
been significantly blurred. That is, our society has
sacrificed genuine news and information for entertainment.
Our culture is so spoiled that we focus on our entertainment
24/7! Second, the constant trivialization actually
diminishes celebrities themselves. Celebrities used
to be individuals who truly were special – they
had obvious talents, skills, and characteristics that
set them apart from the general population. Now, celebrities
are mass produced – even to the point where TV
shows now turn everyday people into celebrities (can
you say “Reality TV”?). This means that
celebrities now compete with everyone for publicity
and attention. I think this is one of the reasons why
celebrities are doing more outrageous publicity stunts.
And what does this all teach our impressionable children
and young adults? It teaches them that it’s perfectly
okay to do whatever it takes to get attention. Not
very productive lessons!
My research has revealed that low levels of celebrity
worship are normal in the general population and can
actually be healthy forms of behavior – such
as promoting bonding among people (fan clubs, coworkers
talking about the latest TV episodes around the water
cooler), promoting stress reduction in people (entertainment
and temporary escapism), and encouraging positive changes
in society, such as when celebrities stimulate gift
giving to charities or inspiring children to explore
new talents and activities. Also, in Western society
where celebrities are so prevalent, not knowing about
them would be indicative of being unaware of current
events. And too, having idols and role models has always
been a natural and healthy part of identity development
for adolescents and young adulthood. So, in several
ways, low levels of celebrity worship are normal and
healthy for us.
But, caring too much about celebrities is unequivocally
unhealthy for our own sense of self and our relationships.
Higher levels of celebrity worship (as measured by
validated questionnaire instruments) correlate with
variables such as increased depression, anxiety, lower
critical thinking, and poorer body image. Obviously,
we don’t know cause and effect here for certain,
but it is clear that research findings consistently
find that more extreme celebrity worship occurs in
tandem with poorer psychological well being.
Cultural anthropological and historical studies show
us that human societies have always had a need to “worship” things – and
sure enough this was often special people in society – the
best hunters, athletes, the most beautiful, the smartest,
the most spiritual, etc. But, I feel that modern technology
has only fueled this innate propensity to worship celebrities.
People want to follow celebrities and networks and
other media forums want to make money so they give
people what they want. In turn, this just encourages
the addiction to celebrities – much like offering
chocolate to people who are already addicted to chocolate
(but who really need to diet). As a result, and this
is in my opinion since we have no historical and longitudinal
data to know for certain, the prevalence of individuals
with clinically problematic levels of celebrity worship
is very likely on the rise.
I’ve gone on a tangent here, but the upshot
of all of this comes back to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.
People that are preoccupied with what’s happening
in Tom and Katie’s relationship or who have to
know what star is sleeping with another star are missing
the point… and the boat. These people should
be concerned with their own relationships. These people
should be investing their affection, attention, and
loyalty in their friends, family and other loves ones
in their lives – the very people with whom they
have meaningful relationships that can be reciprocated.
If you’re the type of person who’s absolutely
preoccupied with celebrity relationships or the lives
of celebrities in general, then recognize that preoccupation
as a red flag. By overly focusing on the lives of people
you don’t really know and will likely never know
you, you’re possibly neglecting the stability
and fulfillment of real relationships available to
you right now. Put down the celebrity magazine and
turn off that entertainment news show. Instead, spend
time with those around you. Oh, and take time to really
read the online dating profiles of others --- that’s
reading as fascinating and entertaining as anything
Tom and Katie are doing this week.
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