|
 Office Hours With Dr. Jim
by James
Houran, Ph.D
In this column, "Dr.
Jim"
honestly and candidly answers your questions about
dating, love and sexuality. He doesn’t tell
you what you want to hear – he tells you what
you need to hear. Dr. Jim is committed to offering
you guidance based on responsible clinical practice
and hard data from the latest scientific studies.
Send
Dr. Jim your questions today for consideration
in an upcoming issue.
This Week:
Can
the Time I Spend Online Dating Cause an Internet Addiction?
Should I be
concerned that time spent on online dating sites
will lead to Internet addiction?
It sounds like a major
bummer, but this could be a real concern. Let me ask
you this, over the past 12-month period have you:
» Felt
preoccupied with the Internet, such as intensely
thought about the Internet when you were
offline?
» Felt a need to use the Internet with increasing
amounts of time in order to achieve satisfaction?
» Had
an inability to control your Internet use?
» Felt restless
or irritable when attempting to cut down or stop
Internet use?
» Used the Internet as a way of escaping from
problems or of relieving a poor mood, such as feelings
of helplessness,
guilt, anxiety or depression?
» Lied to family members
or friends to conceal the extent of involvement
with the Internet?
» Jeopardized or risked the loss of a significant
relationship, job, educational or career opportunity
because of the
Internet?
» Kept returning even after spending an excessive
amount of money on online fees?
» Gone through “withdrawal” when
offline, such as felt increased depression ot anxiety?
» Stayed online longer than originally intended?
If you answered a strong “yes” to three
or more of these questions, then you might well have
an Internet addiction according to researcher Dr. Kimberly
Young (see her book, “Caught in the Net: How
to Recognize the Signs of Internet Addiction and a
Winning Strategy for Recovery,” 1998, Wiley).
Other names for this behavior are Internet dependency
and Internet compulsivity. I personally prefer the
term “Internet compulsivity,” since it
can encompass the same basic behavior at different
levels of severity.
Dr. Young Internet defines Internet Addiction as any
online-related, compulsive behavior that interferes
with normal living and causes severe stress on family,
friends, loved ones, and one's work environment. In
other words, Internet “addicts” make the
Internet a priority above their family, friends, and
work. This may sound absurd, but think of it this way – the
Internet, can provide a "high" like food
or drugs in other addictions or compulsions. In this
situation, addicts become dependent on the cyberspace
high to feel normal. What can happen is that these
addicts begin to substitute unhealthy relationships
for healthy ones. They opt for temporary pleasure rather
than the deeper qualities of "normal" intimate
relationships. My research team composed of Drs. Lynn
McCutcheon, John Maltby, Diane Ashe and Rense Lange
have found much the same pattern for people addicted
or preoccupied with celebrities (you can read more
about celebrity worship at: www.iknowsys.org).
Dr. Young further tells us that Internet compulsivity
follows the same progression as other addictions. Individuals
may struggle to control their behaviors, but subsequently
experience despondency over their constant failure
to do so. As a result, inevitable decreases in their
self-esteem fuel their need to seek escapism via cyberspace.
It would seem to be a chronic cycle of powerlessness.
It seems reasonable to suspect that people who over
rely on online dating might be at risk for developing
Internet compulsivity. In fact, the motivations that
seem people have for engaging in online dating parallel
the underlying reasons for Internet addiction. For
example, men tend to seek out dominance and sexual
fantasy online, while women seek out close friendships,
romantic partners, and prefer anonymous communication
in which to hide their appearance. Men are more likely
to become addicted to online games, cyberporn, and
online gambling, while women are more likely to become
addicted to chatting, instant messaging, eBay, and
online shopping.
I’m not passing along all of this news to scare
you. What I want is to make you more aware – that
is, more mindful of your attitudes, behaviors, and
motivations for online dating. The online dating industry
helps bring happiness and fulfillment to countless
people every year. Used responsibly, online dating
is a tremendous opportunity and tool to find companionship.
But compulsivity and even addiction seems to be a legitimate
concern if you don’t keep your own mental well-being
in check along with the time you spend online.
I encourage you all to read more about the phenomenon
of Internet Addiction here.
Just being aware of this phenomenon and what feeds
it will help you maintain a healthy well-being.
All
Online Dating Magazine content, including the content on this page,
is ©
copyright by Online Dating Magazine and may
not be
republished or reused in any form. You do have
full permission to link to this article.
Do you agree or disagree with this
article? Have
more to add? Submit a Letter
to the Editor today.
|
