|
 Office Hours With Dr. Jim
by James
Houran, Ph.D
In this column, "Dr.
Jim"
honestly and candidly answers your questions about
dating, love and sexuality. He doesn’t tell
you what you want to hear – he tells you what
you need to hear. Dr. Jim is committed to offering
you guidance based on responsible clinical practice
and hard data from the latest scientific studies.
Send
Dr. Jim your questions today for consideration
in an upcoming issue.
This Week:
How Do I Find Out What the Best Online Dating
Service For Me Is?
What's the Best Online Dating
Service for Me?
What an excellent question! I love a consumer who
intends to do some homework before making a decision.
We all take time to research important purchases and
investments, and no investment is more precious or
crucial than the investment in finding lasting love.
To answer this question, I’d first ask you what
your goals are with online dating services and how
savvy with computers and online dating you are. Those
who are looking for superficial flings obviously have
different options than people looking for long-term
commitment. Also, people who are very comfortable with
online etiquette and the culture are different than
someone who’s new to computers or the dating
game.
Market research I’ve seen indicates that most
people, given a choice, will say they’re open
to both casual dating and long-term relationships.
In other words, people sure seem keen on keeping their
options and opportunities open. Assuming this, my general
response would be not to recommend an individual online
dating service. Rather, I urge daters to join several
online dating services. You see, relationship science
tells us that most people make rapid judgments about
the "suitability" of romantic prospects
using just two criteria – how attractive a person
is and how accessible they are. Let’s call this
the "attractiveness and proximity" principle.
Therefore, one great way to increase your chances
of finding a large pool of quality prospects is to
broaden your exposure to attractive people who live
reasonably close. Shopping at only one grocery store
really limits your opportunities of meeting people.
Likewise, using only one online dating site limits
your opportunities for finding people who you’ll
find attractive and accessible.
Today, the choices in online dating services are immense.
Daters can use this to their advantage. Don’t
be fooled into thinking that bigger dating sites are
always better than smaller sites, or that paid membership
sites must be better quality than "free" sites.
I’m not saying a person should join every site
there is, but having profiles on three to four different
types of sites can be a smart and successful approach.
I’d recommend trying one or two larger sites,
and also posting profiles on one or two niche sites.
Niche sites tend to be smaller sites but that cater
to specific interests – like "Republican
dating" or daters who share a "love of
dogs or cats." Niche sites can also focus on
a particular religious orientation, which is a very
important "deal maker or breaker" to some
people.
Niche sites can be wonderful for those new to the
online dating scene, because they offer an instant
connection or natural topic of conversation among people.
It really helps take the pressure off. On the other
hand, large sites can also be wonderful for newbies
by providing the opportunity to learn how to use some
of the tools of online dating that smaller niche or
free sites may not offer, such as video chatting or
advanced blocking features to help filter romantic
prospects.
Now, let me leave you with a few important tips for
choosing an online dating service:
» Do stay away from "adult sites," if
you’re new to the online dating scene or clearly
are not interested in "flings." These sites
can overwhelm or offend newcomers or those who are
seeking a long-term, committed relationship.
» Do put
in effort with any dating site you join. Your results
will only be as good as the investment in time
and energy you make with it. Don’t join a paid
membership site until you have thoroughly read through
the Terms and Conditions. Refunds can be difficult
to get, so be sure you understand exactly what you’re
getting and not getting before you pay for a service.
» Don’t
join a free or paid online dating service unless you
honestly feel positive about it, the types
of members it attracts, and its corporate philosophy.
Joining a dating service you don’t take seriously
is akin to throwing away money.
» Don’t assume one
dating service is more or less safe than another.
No dating service can guarantee
personal safety from predators or criminals, as well
as guarantee protection from online scams (like Russian
mail order brides or Nigerian money cons). Never
let your guard down on any site.
Related Links:
Online Dating Services
> Perfectmatch.com - The best approach to find the one.
<
All
Online Dating Magazine content, including the content on this page,
is ©
copyright by Online Dating Magazine and may
not be
republished or reused in any form. You do have
full permission to link to this article.
Do you agree or disagree with this
article? Have
more to add? Submit a Letter
to the Editor today or post a comment below.
|
