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 Dating Triumphs and Tragedies
by
Nicole Roberge
Just
Friends?
I
recently received an email from an old acquaintance
asking for some relationship advice. I was a little
stunned at first, seeing as I didn’t know him
very well to begin with, and I hadn’t seen
him for over a year. My second thought was…why
is he asking me??? There must be someone else he
can go to for advice! But then I took it as a compliment
that he sought me out, or realized he must be in
a really rough situation if he wants my opinion,
which might not carry much weight. Then again, I
could be his last resort.
Whatever
the case may be, I never turn down a friend, acquaintance,
or stranger, in crisis — especially in matters of the heart.
This man, we’ll call him, Garfield, had a situation
with a lady, who we’ll call…Odie? Yeah,
just play along with it. The two went out and had
a wonderful time. They got dressed up, went to dinner
(mmm… Lasagna… Garfield’s favorite),
laughed the night away, and had a nice long talk,
which unraveled itself into that of a relationship,
which both spoke positively of. He went up to her
place, a sweet kiss and hug goodnight, and ahhhh…the
lovely beginnings of a new relationship. Or was it?
It
does sound like they had
a great time, but then, Garfield
said Odie began dodging him
in a “pleasant” way.
What gives? “What
accounts for such drastic
turns?” he
wants to know. He says now
they are friends, with some
hugging recently, and she
gave him compliments. So
what’s
the deal? He has every right
to be confused, but what
he really wants to know is
how and if he can turn this
around. Is it possible to
comprehend how they went
from an extraordinary date,
to “just friends” (unbeknownst
to him) to dating again,
and possibly a couple?
Well
Garfield, thanks for coming
to me and not Jon Arbuckle.
Hehehe. I just had to throw
that in there. This is a
confusing situation. At first
glance, I could say that
maybe she didn’t think
of your first date as a “date,” but
from your description of
it, it certainly seems that
way, especially when you
had such intimate talks of
a relationship. It could
have been that she was not
ready for that and it scared
her. Maybe she was looking
to date and she found too
much of what she was looking
for too soon. On a first
date, when everything comes
together quickly and seems
magical, it might take the
magic out of it. She might
not have been ready to fully
commit herself to something
she slowly wanted to adapt
to, and thought that if she
went back to being buddies,
maybe it would be more comfortable
and she’d be more
at ease with you. The thing
is, maybe jumping from friends
to dating just shocked her.
She just wasn’t ready.
Then by politely dodging
you, it gave her time to
think about what she wanted.
Now all of a sudden, she’s
hugging you and giving you
compliments, so maybe she’s
ready to get back in the
lasagna line with you. The
question is: Are you ready?
You
say you want to turn this around, and I think
it’s quite possible,
but it’s
clear that you were probably
a little hurt and confused
but her sudden dismissal.
If she has been a friend
to you, then you should be
able to talk it out a little.
Don’t be afraid to
just ask her out somewhere,
maybe casual at first. It
doesn’t have to be
soft lights and lasagna.
Go out for lunch, coffee,
or an ice cream and a walk
on the beach. Somewhere to
talk and laugh like you did
before. Let her be comfortable
and know that you don’t
need to move too fast, even
if you are both looking for
a relationship, and are very
compatible with each other.
It seems that the connection
is there. If she starts to
break it off again, hold
on to your side. She may
be doing it for other reasons — not
because of you.
Dating
is tricky, and it’s often
hard to tell why one person breaks it off. Even if
you “talk” and
they explain it to you, you can never be totally sure
if you’re getting the whole truth. That’s
what makes it hard. Even though you want that truth — do
you really? Peoples’ feelings change, and sometimes
they don’t even know why. But sometimes, it’s
not about you. It really is about them or something
going on in their lives. Or maybe they do really like
you but don’t want to screw it up but falling
in love on the first night. Yes, there are those who
still like to take it slow. So my advice to Garfield,
and to all of you out there, is if someone pulls the “just
friends” card, but you had both thought there
could be more, don’t give
up so easily. Maybe you just
need a new deck of cards.
Dating Triumphs and Tragedies is published every Sunday by Online
Dating Magazine columnist Nicole
Roberge. She can be reached at NicoleMRoberge@hotmail.com.
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