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Triumphs & Tragedies > 62
 Dating Triumphs and Tragedies
by
Nicole Roberge
Calling
it Quits:
Not So Mr. Right...
You
know that moment when you start dating someone and
it just clicks and seems so right and your mind is
racing and you think “This could be it!” and
it’s just…ahhhh…magical? Yeah?
No? Okay, well, whatever, that’s not what I’m
talking about. Let’s switch gears to that opposite
moment when you’re dating someone and that
moment comes where you realize this is totally not
working, nothing clicks, even though he thinks it
does, and I have to get out of this! NOW! How do
I do it without hurting anyone’s feelings,
and how do I know if it’s the right move?
It’s
a hard thing when you’re dating to call it
off. You’ve just started seeing someone, with
high hopes, and it’s sad if it’s not
what you expected. Maybe you enjoyed their company
at first, but you realize that he’s just not
right for you, or you’re just not right for
each other. And it’s the truth. He’s
not what you need, and for that reason, you can’t
be what he needs. People say it all the time, and
as much of a cliché as it is, and sounds when
you say it: “You deserve someone who’s
right for you.” It’s a hard thing when
you’re dating someone and you realize you’re
not that person, and he’s not that person for
you.
That’s
what makes dating hard — trying
to find that person that you’re
compatible with that you can
share enjoyable times with,
whether it’s
shopping for toilet seats
or a romantic walk on the beach.
Someone who brings out the
smile in you that you forgot
you had, the inner laugh that
might have been lost for a
while. But sometimes you crave
that company so much, that
when the realization hits you
that it’s not going
to work, you become torn
about breaking it off. Am
I speaking from experience?
Yes, you got me. But I know
I’m not alone.
Everyone
wants to be in a relationship
where they’re happy,
but sometimes it is just
nice to be with someone.
But I got tied up in a dating
situation where at first,
it was fun, but then that
moment of revelation came
and I realized it was actually
draining to be with that
person who I knew so much
about, but who knew little
about me. While I spent time
participating in their life
and goals, mine were put
aside. But when I was having
a bad day or just hanging
out alone, it seemed better
to hang out with someone
than no one, and there we
were together. I got sucked
down the drain again. It
took me away from myself
and I knew it wasn’t
what I was looking for. But
in the end, isn’t
somebody better than nobody?
Nope.
You
have to cut the ties in order to make yourself
happy and find the person
who will make you happy and
who you can make happy. Too
much happiness? Never! Dating
is a two-way street. It’s
not about giving up your
goals for someone else’s,
but about sharing them. If
someone steals your energy
for their own benefit, you
have to wonder why you are
pursuing this relationship,
as I did. I knew that to
continue going down this
path was not the right thing
to do, for both of us, but
it was easy to look back
at the nice moments and think
that their could be potential.
And that is how I was setting
myself up to get trapped.
Or I was just wussing out.
I
have a friend who did the on and off thing with a
guy who she knew was very wrong
for her, but she wanted the
companionship. She recently
broke it off for good and
came to the, “What
was I thinking?” stage.
She’s now focused on
getting her life back and
seeing what else is out there.
She ultimately had a real
talk with her boyfriend and
settled things.
It’s
daunting, to have the nerve
to talk with someone, but
that’s something that
comes along with dating and
relationships. Of course,
with the magic of the Internet
now, it could seem easy to
send an email, and if that
has been your primary way
of communication, then go
with what is right for you.
(Someone close to me, I won’t
say her name, broke up with
a guy over instant messenger
once. Yikes. But then again,
it was years ago, and she
was only 17. I’ll cut
her some slack). Just don’t
pull the avoidance thing,
and start ignoring his calls
and messages. Pretending
you’ve gone missing
is a little mean, and might
worry him. The mature, and
hard, thing to do, is be
honest, and talk it out,
and as corny as it sounds,
every dating experience will
teach you something for the
next. Hopefully, you find
that significant other that
will bring about that magical
feeling, and you won’t
have to worry about this
whole breaking up thing,
or how to get through another
date without going mad or
pretending you forgot how
to speak English.
It’s
all a process…one
we’ll never
quite figure out. So for
now, I’ve got some
things to sort out. Or, I’ll
just get up and move to Wisconsin
Dating Triumphs and Tragedies is published every Sunday by Online
Dating Magazine columnist Nicole
Roberge. She can be reached at NicoleMRoberge@hotmail.com.
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