Three Cheers for the Creepy Guys

I was recently back in LA, and before my friend and I were about to go to dinner, I had to run up the street for a few things. (Okay, if you must know, I was feeling a little dehydrated, so I went to 7-11 and got some Gatorade, then got my friend a plant…not at 7-11). She told me if I found a nice guy on the way, to pick him up. I asked if he could come with us to dinner, and she said, “sure, why not?”

So I returned back to her house with: Gatorade: Check. Plant and a little cactus: Check. Nice guy: I knew there was something I forgot at 7-11. So she asked me if I met any guys along the way and I said no, though there were a couple creepy guys on the street who whistled and yelled random things. Yay. It’s always the creepy guys….

She goes, “I think it’s like that for everyone.” So, I reasoned, everyone’s just got all these creepy men lusting after them? “Yeah,” she said. I mean, it always seems that way—when you’re at a bar, at the beach, on the street—you go out and your friends ask if you met anyone and you say, “Just some creepy guy,” or “Another loser.” But maybe my friend is right. Everywhere you go, it’s all the creepy guys ready to pounce, while you’re just waiting for the good guys to come along and rescue you. Now there’s a notion that goes way back to the olden days. I’m talkin’ fairytales and everything.

So here we are, meeting creepy guy after creepy guy, feeling discouraged, and just waiting for Mr. Right to come along. Some people think that they’re hanging out at the wrong “scene,” but walking down the street (though depending on the neighborhood) can’t necessarily be avoided. And every bar can’t have the curse of the creepy guy. So you’re not looking for the scary dude who will follow you down the road yelling dirty things at you, got it. But if you think about it, the things some of these guys say to you are what you want your nice future boyfriend to say to you later down the road. That’s only once you have established a foundation of a trusting, loving relationship that he can tell you what a foxy lady you are. Then it’s okay. Because you know him. But if you had just met him and he said that? What a creep.

But in a way, creepy guys do something for us. As annoyed and grossed out as some girls may get, some do, and should, be flattered. Because though it may seem like it, these creepy guys aren’t spouting out compliments to every sweet sugar-pie lady that crosses their path. I was talking to a guy friend of mine once and he was asking about my dating life and I told him that the only men in my life were the creepy dudes who make comments to me on the beach. He told me that was a good thing, because they wouldn’t be saying those things if they didn’t mean it, so I should be pleased with my compliments. He told me that if thought negatively of me, they’d tell me that too.

He (the oh-so-wise male) said that with some of those guys, there is no sensor between the brain and the mouth. They don’t think about what they are saying before they say it—they just do it. It comes out. Whatever is on their minds. They see a girl they like, so they tell her. He thinks that dress looks hot on her, he says so. She has a wad of lettuce in her teeth, they laugh, then tell her. No sensor.

So what we think of as creepy (and yes, many times it is), it can really just be honesty, and sometimes, you just take those comments (the good ones) and realize you are a hot mama. Mr. Nice Guy knows how to censor himself. He knows what he should and shouldn’t say when he first meets you, then on a first date, and what he should finally reveal on a fifth date. He has it all planned out. These other guys, they say whatever they want, because who cares? You’ll get the love and affection from Mr. Nice Guy eventually, and yes, you will meet him, because you deserve him. But for now, take in the compliments, however odd they might be, from the random guy on the street, and build up your confidence for when you meet the guy who will be telling you those things, in a much sweeter way, on that fifth date.

Dating Triumphs and Tragedies is published every Sunday by Online Dating Magazine columnist Nicole Roberge. She can be reached at [email protected].

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