Case B. My friend is dating a guy and she told me , “I don’t know why. Where is it really going? He never wants go get married.” Yet she enjoys his company, they have fun, so why shouldn’t she be dating him? Isn’t that the point of dating? Or is it…

If marriage used to be the ends to the means of dating, what is dating now? Where does marriage stand and does the modern dater see that as a main priority and focal point when dating? When we date, do we automatically wonder if we are wasting our time? If marriage is on our agenda, then dating is an interview process. But what about those who aren’t interested in marriage--who are dating for the companionship but not the til-death-do-us-part commitment? Should that be addressed with the “so do you have any brothers or sisters?” or “yeah, the ottoman should definitely go in the corner.”

It is of course not uncommon for couples to move in together without being married, and even though many hopeful romantics believe the next step to be marriage, often times it isn’t. Many times either the man or woman simply does not want to get married. They are fine with the commitment of each other, but not necessarily the ‘by law” part. Why do they need a certificate to validate their love? they ask. Many have been in this situation, and move in with it, and think it will change, and it doesn’t. And if they are okay with that, fine. But if not, and they let it go on, it can be devastating.

Which is why, just like with the kids issue, marriage is now a topic that should be brought up fairly early on. Not in a scary, hey I like you, let’s meet up for drinks and talk about our thoughts on marriage, kind of way, but in a casual, been dating for a bit, just let it seep into conversation, sort of way. Let’s be honest, it isn’t like the old days, marriage is not expected anymore. Anticipated? yes. Hoped for? often. Discouraged? maybe. Dreaded? I won’t go there… But like pre-marital sex used to be, marriage is turning into that sort of taboo idea, and in twenty years, who knows what place it will have?

Think about it. The evolution of marriage. From arranged marriages to a dowry to mail order brides. To the divorce, same-sex marriages, and polygamy. Marriage has its many faces, has flip-flopped and reinvented itself. Have we lost sight of what it really is?

People are consumed by the idea of a big wedding and a big rock, but that isn’t what marriage is. That’s not even what a “wedding” or “engagement” is. Did you know that the engagement ring dates back to the ancient Romans? The roundness of the ring symbolizes eternity--the union of the marriage that will last forever. Cross your fingers, folks!!! It is worn on the left “ring” finger because it was thought that a vein or nerve ran from that hand to the heart. Yeah, I didn’t know that either. But sweet, isn’t it? So before you get that emerald cut and decide to be trendy and wear it on your middle finger, well, maybe don’t.

But will marriage become obsolete? Do people deem marriage “necessary” anymore? Where it once bore great significance, is it now just a couple of rings and a piece of paper? Can you have marriage without the “marriage?”

I hope for the sake of happy daters everywhere, that it doesn’t. That marriage is still at the end of the tracks somewhere, if of course, that’s the train you want to hop on. It may not be the stop at the next station, but it’s the destination. And along the way are all the amazing other stops that will set the groundwork for marriage. Enjoy the ride.